I had my second appointment with a new therapist a few days ago. I'm still...unsettled by it, but I'm not sure I should be?
He was recommended by my health care system from a list they have of therapist within the system who have experience treating trans people. After the first session a month ago, I wasn't sure what to think, as his style was not what I was used to. Basically, he talked more than I did. I'd get a few words in and he'd pontificate on how I should be positive and just ignore my doubts and insecurities.
The second session was a few days ago. After waiting for 25 minutes past the appointment time, I verified my appointment time with the desk person. At that point I told them I wanted to reschedule and wanted my co-pay credited back. I was pretty proud of myself b/c I've never really learned to stick up for myself. At 30 minutes late, he walks into the office from outside and makes a show of how hectic his day has been. I said I wanted to reschedule, that I no longer had an hour free. He said to come up to his office to reschedule. Once we got there he threw out a few questions he knew would trigger me to start talking. During the next 25 minutes he told me my worries about the panic attacks I'd had during laser treatments years ago were "unimportant" (I'd gone through xian-style enhanced-with-physical-punishment reparative therapy as a child, and need to start electrolysis to clean up what's left), the "wall" in my head that I couldn't see past that makes me fugue out when stressed was imaginary, and continuously mis-gendered my daughter (also trans). Then at the top of the hour he checked the schedule and found that I'm already scheduled for the next appointment so, "no rescheduling is needed".
Am I right to feel like I was manipulated? I was trying to be assertive, dammit! Is he right about all those defenses in my head (and body) being imaginary? I mean, they aren't physically real, but to me they are very real. I don't know if I should trust him. My intuition says, "no" but am I wrong?
