Yesterday I was diagnosed with narcolepsy. I don't suppose anyone here and who is on HRT also suffers from it? I'm pretty concerned that it might limit my options in figuring this out by the use of trying HRT. I have also been having some weird physical symptoms ever since I took Cyproterone Acetate for just 6 days in December and now I am concerned that the undiagnosed narcolepsy has caused some kind of negative physical reaction. I'll hopefully figure that out with doctors in the coming weeks but I thought I'd ask if anyone else here had it?
The second thing is that the diagnosis I feel has given me a fresh perspective. About a year ago, I decided that I needed help with this downward spiral that I felt had been coming on for years, but I stopped short of saying I was suffering from depression. I knew that I had a whole host of things that weighed me down and had done for years and so set about trying to fix them. Each one was huge and had a massively negative impact on my life and my mood. They were:
A- sleep issues. Basically since I was 12 I've struggled with falling asleep during the day. I slept through school all day every day but was smart enough to still do pretty good which masked the issue. As a result I never really saw it as too much of a problem. As an adult that has changed and as it has become far less acceptable to want to nap all day long my self-esteem has literally been ruined. I have felt lazy and lacking in work ethic despite actually being a very intellectually driven person. I have wanted to achieve things but have found it a constant struggle.
B-knowing that I wished I was female and associated feelings.
C-feeling so depressed about how my looks have changed since 18 or so, to the point of loathing my reflection and seeing no point in the future if I'm just going to be in this body that I hate and I feel doesn't reflect who I am, particularly hair loss which has had me one stop short of suicidal, but also the change in the bones and appearance of my face.
D-the fact that I had an injury at 18 which ruined my dream of playing pro-sport, and literally took all my passions, hobbies and interests and made them a source of depression rather than happiness.
I have never known which one of these was the thing I needed to sort out in order to be happy, but I feel like having this diagnosis of narcolepsy has given me a fresh perspective. If I suddenly feel a lot better with treatment and have more get up and go, maybe I can get back to the happiness I had as a teenager. The way I felt back then was basically knowing if I had the choice between being male and female, I would chose female, but not caring about it and actually liking life and not minding being a guy at all. Do you think this is possible? I'm scared though because I've read a lot of stories of people who have put off this feeling for various reasons and it always seems to get them in the end. I just need to find out if I HAVE to do something about this. I don't want to put it off now because of all the incredibly hard things that it means dealing with if it is inevitable, and those things are only going to get worse the longer I put it off.
