Something weird...

[jessical]

Do you take progesterone?

When I started, I first took just estradiol and I felt calmer and happier.  When spiro was added in it affected how I felt.  It brought me down, and more moody.  For me taking progesterone made me feel normal again and less moody.  I know it does not work that way from everyone, but if you are not, it is something to try.

[Julia-Madrid]

Painter, woah!!  Slowly!!  Try to see how you can step away from the immediacy of your situation and look at it a little more dispassionately - I know you have the analytical capability to do so, so do so!

You know that your body won't revert overnight if you explore other hormone regimes, and there's no either-or situation even though you are seeing it this way at the minute.  Before you conclude anything in either direction, first explore other treatment regimes.

If you want to talk, you've got my email address, or PM me.

Slowly sister....

xxx
A/J

[ImagineKate]

Your therapist made a suggestion to try to live as a guy for a while... I dunno, maybe you can try that, as hard as it sounds.

As for transition later in life, it's not as hard as people make it out to be. Really.

Some of the body effects you already have will stay, but I am not sure how they will be affected. You may be able to survive on low dose.

You should really have a deep conversation with your therapist.

In the end I think the goal of transition is to get rid of or significantly reduce your dysphoria. Is that goal being accomplished?

[androgynouspainter26]

Kate-but my therapist was wrong.  She wasn't a gender specialist, and I dknt want to live as male.  Besides, I don't see a therapist anymore.  I couldn't deal with her.

[Rachel]

Hi Painter,

I am concerned you are crying ever night and are depressed. You said you are in an in-between state. Naturally you will question your future relationships and want to be feminized because you said you are a transsexual.

Going off your meds for one week will not cause the male hormones to rise significantly. If you were off your meds for a  while then the T will return and with a vengeance so will the dysphoria. E will increase your emotional state and depression and stress will also increase your emotional state. You may want to discuss with your doctor an antidepressant.

Cycling hormones is not a good thing to do frequently.

A good gender therapist (can be done with Skype) can help you work through some of the issues you are having and build your resiliency.

From what I have read from this post and others, to me, you may want to consider inquiring about antidepressants and work with a good gender therapist.

Oh, I almost forgot, you look beautiful in you avatar picture and models are 6'3". I do not know your height but it can be a good thing too.

[michelle82]

I'm not a physician, but did you struggle with depression prior to starting HRT? Maybe the depression was pre-existing, and its being exacerbated by using female hormones which can intensify emotions right?

And depression is not something to take lightly, i would definitely recommend doing whatever you can to seek help with it, whether that includes taking meds for it or not. i myself am struggling with a small bout of depression/anxiety right now and I start HRT in 2 days.  So we will see how things improve, or if they are intensified by the HRT.

hang in there!!

[Dodie]

Painter, woah!!  Slowly!!  Try to see how you can step away from the immediacy of your situation and look at it a little more dispassionately - I know you have the analytical capability to do so, so do so!

You know that your body won't revert overnight if you explore other hormone regimes, and there's no either-or situation even though you are seeing it this way at the minute.  Before you conclude anything in either direction, first explore other treatment regimes.

If you want to talk, you've got my email address, or PM me.

Slowly sister....

Why I love this forum.. help from others like Julia and all the others.  Love this response.....

xxx
A/J

[Wednesday]

As the girls said, I think new dosages or maybe progesterone could be the solution. The phenomena you are describing is quite common specially in high estrogen dosages: moodiness, anxiety, crying frequently, easily triggered. As you said, this is mainly: (number of things in your life) + (estrogen). You are more sensitive (for the good and the bad), so, if you got issues in your life (those that are disturbing you), the effect on your mood while being under estrogen is gonna be more severe and those things are gonna make you way more sad (as good things should trigger a happier response).

If you ask me, well, first find a dosage or a combo with progesterone to help stabilize your mood and then you will have something to work with. Second, well, begin working in solving those issues (passability, relationships, etc etc). Then, when you are done, prepare yourself to embrace the most valuable and remarkable truth in this existence: GIVING A F*** ABOUT WHAT THAT PEOPLE THINKS. Then, Nirvana.

And please, forget about "being trans enough", "deserving the HRT" or "if you are trans then your body accepts gracefully estrogen even administered in barrels". Come on, from that I have read, you look way too smart for that s**t.

[androgynouspainter26]

Wednesday- Thanks.  Truely...it's what I needed to hear.  I do hope you're right.

*mod edit per ToS 2

[Wednesday]

I do hope you're right.

In fact this is the second most valuable and remarkable truth in this existence: wednesday is *always* right.

[Dodie]

In fact this is the second most valuable and remarkable truth in this existence: wednesday is *always* right.

I like this chick.. Keeping it real Wednesday.. love ur attitude..
Dodie

[Wednesday]

I like this chick.. Keeping it real Wednesday.. love ur attitude..
Dodie

Thank you so much! Took some time to realize this was the best way/attitude to do things and confront reality. As your quote implies, also for me it's way better no to be loved but staying true to myself than be cherished for what I'm not. This existence is so short and so precious... it's not worth to be wasted on living how other people say you should live it.

[Dread_Faery]

Correlation =/= causation. Since being on HRT I have had full scale breakdowns, psychotic episodes, bouts of self harm, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts and now have multiple diagnosed mental health disorders. None of which was caused by the hormones in my body.

The fact that you want to be seen as female and like the changes HRT is having makes it sound like on balance that it's the right choice for you. As it's been said it may be worth looking into your dosages and stuff