Unsure Identity

[arsenicCatnip1]

Okay, so I have a weird story so please bear with me. I am currently questioning my male identity and I am hoping for some help. So here it goes...

Ever since I was in kindergarten, Ive always wanted to be a teacher, which is typically a female's job. Later on towards middle school, I became interested in Wiccan magick. This was 5th through 7th grade. The one spell I was always looking up was a spell to change me into a girl. I tried many different sources, but none worked. All the time I looked up things like "How to become a girl" and "How to grow breasts." Several years later, which is now at the beginning of this school year I started questioning my sexuality and truly learned about trans* people. Every day and still I looked up the "lgbt" tag on iFunny to help educate myself.

A few months ago, I was hanging out with my very supportive, bisexual bff when I wondered if her jacket could fit me. Turns out it did and I wore it for the next week before my other friends took it away because it was "creepy." While I was wearing the jacket, I was more accepting of myself and had lower stress levels.

I know this is a lot, but I need some help clarifying if I could be trans. Thank you very much in advance for the help.

[Amy85]

Hi, and welcome to the site

I know a lot of people here who are in various stages of figuring out this question for themselves, and also many who are transitioning, will find aspects of your story quite familiar. But the best we can honestly say is "maybe". I think the best course of action for you to figure this out would be to be able to talk to a therapist who is trained in gender issues. Have you ever mentioned these feelings to your parents? Would you feel comfortable talking about it and asking them to get you some help so you can figure all this out?

~ Amy

[arsenicCatnip1]

Have you ever mentioned these feelings to your parents? Would you feel comfortable talking about it and asking them to get you some help so you can figure all this out?

~ Amy

No, I have not told my parents. The only person I have told is my best friend. The reason I havent told my parents is that Im not sure how they would react. A few weeks ago my dad said that coming out is a joke for gays. And everytime that he asks if Im gay he says it in a non-reassuring way.

[Amy85]

No, I have not told my parents. The only person I have told is my best friend. The reason I havent told my parents is that Im not sure how they would react. A few weeks ago my dad said that coming out is a joke for gays. And everytime that he asks if Im gay he says it in a non-reassuring way.

That's too bad How about your Mom?

[arsenicCatnip1]

That's too bad How about your Mom?

Im not sure. But most likely she would tell my dad instantly. I wish these kind of things werent stressful, especially when I get neverous to ask small things like if I could go to a friend's house

[suzifrommd]

Hi ArsenicCatnip1. Welcome to Susan's. 

Here are some links to site policies and other helpful information for newcomers:

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Only you can say for sure that you're trans. Though you'll find that the feelings you're talking about - a strong desire to be female - are common among people here.

[Amy85]

Im not sure. But most likely she would tell my dad instantly. I wish these kind of things werent stressful, especially when I get neverous to ask small things like if I could go to a friend's house

Hmm, do you have any adult you feel you could confide in like a school counselor or friend's parent who could help you talk to your parents?

[arsenicCatnip1]

Hmm, do you have any adult you feel you could confide in like a school counselor or friend's parent who could help you talk to your parents?

Since I live in a more homophobic part of my state, Im really not sure who I could trust. However, my best friend personally knows a ftm person. So, my first instinct would be to tell her first and have her help me tell my parents.