Boyfriend: will he ever come?

[April_TO]

Hi Ladies,

For some reason today after hearing my friend rave about her amazing bf and how he takes care of her (i.e. picks her up to and from work, takes her to anywhere she needs to go) I sensed a feeling of disappointment and frustration within me. It came from a thought of I can never be woman enough and no one will ever take me seriously being pre-op.

To my ladies, Is it possible to have a serious relationship even as a pre-op woman? I would love to hear your experiences and/or tips.

Thanks,

April xoxo

[orangejuice]

Hi April,

Don't have much to offer because I'm at a very different point to you but I feel guilty coming her and getting all this advice, so I just wanted to say from your pic you look great and I'm sure he will! One thing I've realised about trying to figure out this trans thing is that it really forces you to see people for who they are and it takes a special and I think just better type of person to have that perspective. So I know its probably really hard, and I don't really know what I'm talking about, but that is a potentially really rewarding thing to find. More rewarding than most relationships I think.

OJ x

[ImagineKate]

April,

All I've got to say is that you are a beautiful and caring person and I truly believe the right person for you will come along.

**Hugs**

[Seemenow]

Hi Ladies,

For some reason today after hearing my friend rave about her amazing bf and how he takes care of her (i.e. picks her up to and from work, takes her to anywhere she needs to go) I sensed a feeling of disappointment and frustration within me. It came from a thought of I can never be woman enough and no one will ever take me seriously being pre-op.

To my ladies, Is it possible to have a serious relationship even as a pre-op woman? I would love to hear your experiences and/or tips.

Thanks,

April xoxo

Hey April, its very possible to find love while pre op. Im in a serious monogamous relationship and my bf and I have been together almost a year. He loves and respects me as a person and as a woman. I was talking to my bff yesterday and we were talking about our relationships with our boyfriends, what yhey did fo us for vday, my uocoming anniversary, her and bf talking marriage and what we both have in common is weve been with these men for at least one year...so weve earned that girlfriend treatment. There is nothing wrong with you at all! U just happen to be single. Take this time and continue to work on yourself as a woman so when your man comes along u will be at your best for him.

Not saying this is you, but I feel like a lot of girls focus too much on trying to be seen as cis women and not getting clocked, when in reality you should want a man who treats you with respect, values you as a woman and is not initially concerned w/ whats between your legs. We get to a point of "passing" and while coming into our womanhood we forget that the girlfriend experience is earned. Im sure ur friends bf wasnt taking her to work from day 1!!

[JenJen2011]

To my ladies, Is it possible to have a serious relationship even as a pre-op woman? I would love to hear your experiences and/or tips.

Hi April:

Yes, it is very possible to have a serious relationship even as a pre-op woman. I met my current husband at the beginning stages of my transition, however, he always viewed me as just another woman and treated me as such. We became friends and then ultimately started dating. Eight years later we are still together and married. He loves me for me and I love him for him.

I know exactly how you feel. Before he came along, I felt the same way and cried myself to sleep many nights. I say, be patient. The right one will come in due time. Meanwhile, continue to work on your transition and keep yourself busy. Do things that you love to do. Mr. Right will come along before you realize it.

Hugs beautiful! 

[April_TO]

Seemenow, Orangejuice and most of all ImagineKate,

Thank you so much ladies. I guess life has something else for me

Love and Respect,

April

[natalie19]

I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone.

I just escaped from a very controlling man who I thought was helping me in my transition, but was just making me into his play thing.

I am a little jaded but hang in there, girl.

[April_TO]

Thank you so much Jen - you give me hope.

Hugs back gorgeous,

April

Hi April:

Yes, it is very possible to have a serious relationship even as a pre-op woman. I met my current husband at the beginning stages of my transition, however, he always viewed me as just another woman and treated me as such. We became friends and then ultimately started dating. Eight years later we are still together and married. He loves me for me and I love him for him.

I know exactly how you feel. Before he came along, I felt the same way and cried myself to sleep many nights. I say, be patient. The right one will come in due time. Meanwhile, continue to work on your transition and keep yourself busy. Do things that you love to do. Mr. Right will come along before you realize it.

Hugs beautiful! 

[April_TO]

Babe, Im glad you're out of that relationship.
Hugs and let us know if you need anything xoxo

April

I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone.

I just escaped from a very controlling man who I thought was helping me in my transition, but was just making me into his play thing.

I am a little jaded but hang in there, girl.

[Isabelle]

Hi. I don't post much anymore but I saw this and thought I'd respond.

Yes, it totally is possible to be pre-op and have a male partner. I was lucky enough to meet a man who doesn't mind my anatomy. We've been seeing each other for almost a year and he's very kind. The most important part for me was learning to get over my internalised sense of loathing and worthlessness. I honestly believed the only person that would ever be interested in me was some kind of fetishist or closet homosexual that was only interested in me for the thing I hated about myself. I was completely wrong. Learning to accept I was wrong has taken a long time. He has never displayed any interest in my "donar tissue" never touched it, I don't think he's ever even seen it. My surgery is happening this year and he wants to care for me while I recover. I honestly have no idea how I found him but I'm thankful I did.
People are out there, male female and everything in between, that are just like you and I. Looking for love and companionship. Don't give up. Yes we got dealt a ->-bleeped-<-ty hand by nature and society but that's no reason to settle. You're the product of millions upon millions of years of life that didn't give up and fought to keep going.
All the best, you're a beautiful example of biological diversity. If people don't see and appreciate that, it says more about them than you.

[April_TO]

Isabelle, that is profound. Thank you and I am very happy that you found each other
Hugs!

April

Hi. I don't post much anymore but I saw this and thought I'd respond.

Yes, it totally is possible to be pre-op and have a male partner. I was lucky enough to meet a man who doesn't mind my anatomy. We've been seeing each other for almost a year and he's very kind. The most important part for me was learning to get over my internalised sense of loathing and worthlessness. I honestly believed the only person that would ever be interested in me was some kind of fetishist or closet homosexual that was only interested in me for the thing I hated about myself. I was completely wrong. Learning to accept I was wrong has taken a long time. He has never displayed any interest in my "donar tissue" never touched it, I don't think he's ever even seen it. My surgery is happening this year and he wants to care for me while I recover. I honestly have no idea how I found him but I'm thankful I did.
People are out there, male female and everything in between, that are just like you and I. Looking for love and companionship. Don't give up. Yes we got dealt a ->-bleeped-<-ty hand by nature and society but that's no reason to settle. You're the product of millions upon millions of years of life that didn't give up and fought to keep going.
All the best, you're a beautiful example of biological diversity. If people don't see and appreciate that, it says more about them than you.

[AndreaLinda]

Hi Ladies,

For some reason today after hearing my friend rave about her amazing bf and how he takes care of her (i.e. picks her up to and from work, takes her to anywhere she needs to go) I sensed a feeling of disappointment and frustration within me. It came from a thought of I can never be woman enough and no one will ever take me seriously being pre-op.

To my ladies, Is it possible to have a serious relationship even as a pre-op woman? I would love to hear your experiences and/or tips.

Thanks,

April xoxo

Maybe the concept of boyfriend misunderstood, but you can still have wonderful times with a good friend, and even enjoy small things like, going to shopping, eat together or simply go to movies  without being compromise as a "Boyfriend"

[AndreaLinda]

Besides, I think there are plenty cis women that have never experience anything close to that. Maybe is just about finding that special person that you can have fun with.

[natalie19]

I have given this a bit more thought. When I started transition I always thought dating a man somehow validated myself as female. And I do have those feelings sometimes but maybe that's part of GD.  But I've dated cis girls, and men and pretty much every spectrum in between. Not everything works out but I did learn that anyone is capable of love.  I'm pretty open minded. But it's difficult when the whole pre-op and post-op conversion comes up. Half of me is happy because they haven't noticed it, half of me is anxious because I know that for a lot of prospective dates, it's a deal breaker.  Hugs.

[AndreaLinda]

but I did learn that anyone is capable of love.

you damm right!

[spooky]

I have met several men who wanted to have serious long-term relationships with me as a non-op woman.

My current boyfriend cleared out half of his medicine cabinet and one entire closet in his apartment for me to have after the very first night I slept over.  In the morning I suggested that we should spend the next night at my place because his bed was a little small for two people. He then immediately went online and bought a new bed.

I don't think I actually spent another night at my own apartment after that. I officially broke my lease a few months later, and that was over a year ago.

This is just to illustrate that there are guys out there who are more than willing to go out of their way to make a non-op/pre-op woman happy.

[Rudy King]

Lol, :-p phrasing!

Anyways, I'm 35 and still single.  I'm really scared to even try to find a boyfriend right now.  And even though I have a girls body, and I'm sure I could find someone without trying, it's really scary, since I've never dated anyone in my life.

Good luck!

[April_TO]

Amazing Spooky thanks for sharing.
Hugs,

April

I have met several men who wanted to have serious long-term relationships with me as a non-op woman.

My current boyfriend cleared out half of his medicine cabinet and one entire closet in his apartment for me to have after the very first night I slept over.  In the morning I suggested that we should spend the next night at my place because his bed was a little small for two people. He then immediately went online and bought a new bed.

I don't think I actually spent another night at my own apartment after that. I officially broke my lease a few months later, and that was over a year ago.

This is just to illustrate that there are guys out there who are more than willing to go out of their way to make a non-op/pre-op woman happy.

[ana1111]

I'm preop and I'm in a serious relationship with a guy who I really like and have fallen in love with... We've been together for close to six months I think..

[Jill F]

From the title of this thread, I thought it was going to be about something else entirely. 

That special someone is out there for everyone.  Trust me.