Boyfriend: will he ever come?

[Cindy]

From the title of this thread, I thought it was going to be about something else entirely. 

That special someone is out there for everyone.  Trust me.

Why is it my Mods have dirty minds and like heavy metal?

[herekitten]

April, It is very possible for a man to have a serious relationship with a pre-op woman. And it happens much more than people know about. From my personal experience, I started dating in high school and met my first very serious love at 17. That's a tough age, especially for someone pre-op.  Fast forward many years later and now I am 57 and happily married to the 'love of my life' and we are celebrating our 17th anniversary this summer.  So yes, it is possible and very special. I would say 95% of my experiences with men have been very positive except for one who tried to use my situation as a means to keep me.  So life is out there for those who want to celebrate it.

My only observation to this point is one dominating thing I have noticed and it has become more apparent since I began reading and studying the T-sites:   I have never let my situation stop me from enjoying any aspect life. It has presented challenges but nothing that was insurmountable or had a work around.  So to you I would say, just live and let live. Enjoy your life, stay healthy, and when you meet a guy -- or that special guy (and you will know) -- just be you. Don't overthink what life has graced us with. Sooner or later love is going to find you.

Stay lovely as ever -- your pic exudes a lovely sweet personality and I know I'm not far off the mark

((Hugs))
Kitten

[April_TO]

Thank you so much for the overwhelming advises. I am grateful to all of you guys.
One of you posted a link to Janet Mock's website - Thank you!

check it out: http://janetmock.com/2013/09/12/men-who-date-attracted-to-trans-women-stigma/

[ImagineKate]

I love Janet's advice, especially since she was able to hide as she is very passable but chooses not to.

[Sapphire87]

Hey April, I'm in the same boat you are and I know how tough it feels. Most of my friends all have a SO and it can get very disheartening, but eventually we'll find our Mr Right, Just gotta weed out all the other ones first.

[Wynternight]

Why is it my Mods have dirty minds and like heavy metal?

I don't know but Jill and I were on the same page. \m/

[Mariah]

April there is someone out their for everyone. I have no doubt someone will be one over by the beautiful caring person you are. I have no idea where the relationship I'm in will lead, but it was my kind heart that one him over so please don't sell yourself short because there is hope for you yet. Hugs
Mariah

[April_TO]

Babe, thank you so much for your kind words. I feel the warmth and the generosity of your spirit.
You are a true friend, love you to the moon and back.

April

April there is someone out their for everyone. I have no doubt someone will be one over by the beautiful caring person you are. I have no idea where the relationship I'm in will lead, but it was my kind heart that one him over so please don't sell yourself short because there is hope for you yet. Hugs
Mariah

[noleen111]

Hang in there carmenkate they do come...

I met a wonderful man, who I am deeply in love with and he loves me back.. ok I am post-op and I met him post-op.. but my man knows my past and accepted me .

a funny trick.. dont go looking for a man.. (I am assuming you are looking for a long term thing) as you may come across as desperate.... Almost like "give-up" and before you know it.. you will find one.. I know it makes no sense.. but it works..

I was not even looking for a man, when I met my boyfriend.. it just happened.

[LizMarie]

April, let me make two points, trying to be realistic here.

1. I know transwomen, especially younger ones (under 40), who are in loving relationships even though they are pre-op.

2. The number I know and have encountered online is small.

It's that second point I think we need to be realistic about, ok? There is always the potential you will meet "Mr. Right" and that he will be patient with you and walk with you through this journey until you and he are finally content together.

But on a practical note, most of westernized civilization tends to be very gender binary rigid and most cisgender men and women have preconceptions and misunderstandings about what being trans means, and therefore they leap to conclusions in which they exclude themselves from even considering a pre-op transwoman.



Short but practical answer? Finding someone when you are pre-op is possible but a lot rarer than we would wish, and I think we need to keep that in mind and be realistic as we approach that personal need to finding our significant other.




P.S. My own experience over 50 is far, far worse, especially living in a state like Texas. The good guys are out there but they are very rare.

[Laura_7]

April, let me make two points, trying to be realistic here.

1. I know transwomen, especially younger ones (under 40), who are in loving relationships even though they are pre-op.

2. The number I know and have encountered online is small.

It's that second point I think we need to be realistic about, ok? There is always the potential you will meet "Mr. Right" and that he will be patient with you and walk with you through this journey until you and he are finally content together.

But on a practical note, most of westernized civilization tends to be very gender binary rigid and most cisgender men and women have preconceptions and misunderstandings about what being trans means, and therefore they leap to conclusions in which they exclude themselves from even considering a pre-op transwoman.



Short but practical answer? Finding someone when you are pre-op is possible but a lot rarer than we would wish, and I think we need to keep that in mind and be realistic as we approach that personal need to finding our significant other.




P.S. My own experience over 50 is far, far worse, especially living in a state like Texas. The good guys are out there but they are very rare.

I'm sorry you had bad experiences.

But you might be aware that this is a game where expectations influence the outcomes.
Your expectations clearly lead to conscious and subconscious behaviour which simply attracts or does not attract certain people.

This is why so many people say doing things that make you happy... and simply forgetting the dating game for a moment...
thats where you can be genuinely yourself, and that attracts...

Well another point is communication... talking about ones wishes and needs...

Well I'd say give it a try... and forget about statistics
There are many people in all kinds of relationships...

Just believe its possible, thats the first step


hugs

[amber roskamp]

I cant offer any advice on this, because me and almost all of the local trans women i know are gay/bi and have girlfriends/ wives (not me im single). you are a beautiful and kind and guys would be lucky to date you.

[Wild Flower]

"Someday my prince will come...." *little birds fluttering*

Anyways. I been on both ends of this question. I found love in three *five?* men in my life. I only loved one man (yeah you ladies know who I am talking about).

*edit; I put too much detail of my men of my life*
--------


Yes... you can find a man, but the only thing I can say... FIND A MAN WHO WILL LOVE YOU. Don't settle for less. The man needs to love you, without that, it doesn't matter if you were Adriana Lima or Jessica Alba, without his love.... you are nothing, but just another person.

But looks do matter. You are very feminine, very beautiful, so you shouldn't have a problem finding a man to love you. Don't settle for less, especially a man who doesn't love you.

I dump men who can't show me their love, even if they are handsome.

[Wild Flower]

Don't lose yourself in the process either. That is my mistake. I was not myself when I am with a man I think I don't deserve. I was not myself when he smile at me, but he didn't buy me a drink.

You always got to remember you are a prize too. Or else, you'll become a door mat, and there's nothing healthy about that.

[ImagineKate]

I always joke and say that I will have better luck dating as a trans woman than as a cis man. Online dating was extremely terrible for me. Not looking and letting it happen was much better.

[Ellesmira the Duck]

It is entirely possible to be in a serious relationship pre op. As many people here are sharing, I'm currently dating the person I fist came out to, so he's known me both before and after, and still can see me for who I really am and not who I was pretending to be. It might be harder to find someone accepting but those that aren't likely would have made lousy partners even if you were cis.

[chefskenzie]

I am married now to the man I started dating, I am preop.  It is my first serious relationship EVER.  I am 34.  It took a lot of time, tears, waiting, and FROGS to get to where I am.  But it was worth it.  Spend the time dating YOURSELF is my advice.  Eventually you will meet a guy, and know that he is different from the rest.  It takes patience, and time.  Much love and hugs your way hon.


BTW - the thread title made me think of something dirty too

[Auroramarianna]

He will

I think you are one of the sweetest people around here    and I am sure the right man will see this I also wondrr many times if I am gonna end up alone but reading stories about women who first struggled but are now in long term relationships gives me hope

You will be fine!!

[kittenpower]

...that's what I say to myself, when I'm not really in the mood for sex, lol 

Don't worry, you look pretty in your avatar; you'll probably meet a guy when your least expecting it. 

[Sabrina]

You should have no trouble. You look great. Just be sure you're upfront about being transgender. Would hate to hear about a horror story later if things went bad. I can only hope for your good looks.