people are strange

[natashaX]

sometimes I look at people have some kind of circus show and this is because quite often a lot of people always say things and not know what the hell they're talking about or why I'm going to tell your story about how I come to this particular conclusion everybody always seems to be thinking that Natasha has issues Natasha needs help.

sure baby so that I might have a few issues maybe I could use a little bit of help but absolutely no one wants to give me the help of the choir but everybody wants to be my professional without knowing any of the background or history nobody knows what it means to be a real transwoman but everybody wants to project what a transwoman

I got removed from my family home by the time I was 16 years old I went to social services social services denied me they had told me they don't serve anyone like me and I had asked them if I could have any kind of place to go and live for sleep and they told me they don't have any place for anyone like yme the told me to go somewhere else and sleep that's when I had to realized I'm not human so now here I was 16 years old sleeping outside I had to do something no family would help me no friends with but every person in the world always have a solution who had never been to this everyone always wants to preach to me that they are above me that they could never do that you know what I have to do what kept me alive I had to sell my body there was no other way

and everybody always likes to preach and pretend that they have so much more strength than they really do and say I would have gotten out of there by the time I was able to do no you can't there is no way by the time you are 19 or 20 years old and the rest of the world is your left behind at the most formative development years of your life its obvious you have no education it's obvious you're a sex trade worker its obvious you don't know how to do anything except for sell your party because you've never had a higher level of education I need never had to social integration now the reality sets in what I am in this world because of my biology what I am is a machine reduced down to one singular purpose to be your sex slave with absolutely no social status or ability to upgrade my future because even though I'm a full grown adult no one still wants to hire me or have me live in a place

people ask how does something like this happen well that simple how was the mid 1990 I had to live like this until just very recently when the world realize that we exist and we are human and people still look down on me people want to help me people victim Shamy victim blame me tell me I have issues thinking that they want to talk to me I'm asking what are you going to do do you really want to do anything or you just f****** your feathers to make you feel important tell the truth now the difference between me and most of the world as I'm a real woman and a real woman knows what she has to do to survive on a real woman doesn't actually come with a fake smile a real woman it's hard hard to the bone doesn't always have to smile I am a real woman

and people still look down upon me with the hierarchy of the social status hierarchy of their career but they don't know that I'm going somewhere they're not and the people that try and give me help they don't realize they're the worst person ever where were they when I was being pimped where were they when I was starving to death freezing to death forced to stand on street corners but now that I'm integrating they're the ones who are going to point out all my fault they're not they don't realize they have the false I didn't have the social status for them to be seen with to talk with I'm the one that they say I can't stand those ->-bleeped-<- hookers because they reinforce the stereotype of us what stereotype of us is this we all can't even stand together or walk together or even help each other but in the end I know what I am I am a woman not a ->-bleeped-<- I am the enemy because I won't stand up for anyone anymore when they want to stand under the ->-bleeped-<- umbrella

[sam1234]

Natasha,
to say that no one should have to go through what you did is an understatement.
Having a place to live is something that most people take for granted, but apparently you did not have. I cannot imagine the fear you have lived with, or the treatment you have been given. ''

If you had to sell your body to eat, that doesn't make you a whore. When faced with an impossible situation, survival has to be the number one concern. You did what you had to do to survive.

Can you tell us what situation you are in now? Do you have any kind of medical or financial assistance?

Yes, people can be cruel, but they can also be kind. I know that is probably difficult to believe given your history, but kindness and compassion does exist.

sam1234

[natashaX]

I live in a brand new high rise eee low rise actually
A 100 mill micro unkt tower that is maybe a year old
I got awarded a suite for life after talking about my life and
Why my life is the way jt is.
Its a 450 sq ft apartment with complete sound deadoned walls
Full bath convection micro oven fridge and irradiated in floor heating
I pay only 375 a Month for life and wont go up no matter what I make

Doesnt mean jack poo bwcasue no one will hire me
I actually had one manager of a restaurant laugh at me when I told
Him my name. 60 resumes all for dishwasher not one call.
I hacw this in mh head ans the world proves them selves over and over
I'm.a whore and will not let me be anhrhjg  else. If I try I go in severe poverty
No onw ever will hire me
Absolutely eceryone eexcept for the most undersrandjnf and empathetic
People I meet are tarded . They critisise me saying  the most destructive bs
To prove where I belomg. On a street corner. Usually its quite often
My lack of education or mh sociakizarikn I have. They berate ne because
j am very abrasive and and freaky tough. I don't care abiht hardly anyone
And even if they are in severe pain or starvation . They universally always
Hacw this me mentaliry that I'm suposoed to all the sudden have no ptsd
Political grade talking skills and skills that's totaly uunrelated to my life.
My debate skills scare people. usuallh they discoint me and iI ask
Them how the hell they know. One account was a man telling me he was an engineer
And a whore with grade 8 would not...than I say dude stfu before I pepper spray you punch
You in the throat ans kick your balls over and over and kill them

You can bang your head against tthe wall over and over but itwill  never move
No one wants me out kd ttjr sex trade I'm beautifull with a banging body
Now I don't think I will ever get ffs. No oone wants to hire me
. I had many rich sugars but they will be never ever get me ffs because
T
hey know I won't be dependant on tthem.
25 years I have been a sp.

As for health care I am a status indian I have amazing care.
But it meabs jack poo Im very suicidal
The world proves to me over and over I am trapped
No one helps ans as you live as long as I have you
Notice the t comunity  don't give two @$%& either

The only kind people I met which ain't many are thr ones who
I didnt kick their @as. They are non judgement kind.
Csnt get a job no skills no education no one helps.

I have retired from sex work and in my second transition
I live on less than half the quoted poverty number in the ncte
Study. I live on 400 a Month.
i eat three times last week from Mon to Fri.

Everyone smiles to my face but do nothing when to  improve my life
And say sorry we shoukd be treated better.

Don't keep banging your head on a wall it won't move ever
Only certain people can open locked doors
Once a whore always a whore

And that's real life ain't no rainbow ain't no stealth ain't nothing
And why I'm alive is because I have near 100% complete apathy
Im a trained machine

[sam1234]

I understand why you are so angry, but its holding you back and making you miserable. Until you can get that under control, you will have problems. 

When you try to get a job, are they denying you based on your gender or education? If its gender, just don't tell them, its none of their business anyway.
The economy is terrible now in general, and lots of people are out of work. I know that doesn't help you, but it may play a part in the job problem.

I'm glad you have a place to live, but only eating three times a week is dangerous. I'm sure its not be choice. Depending on where you live, there are programs that allow you to get food either at a reduced price or coupons that allow you to get free food.

sam1234

[Shawn Sunshine]

There is tons of free food here in the bay area, whether it be from a pantry, or a soup kicthen (they have somne really good meals here) But it would be rougher of course in a small town I am sure. But wherever you are, find some food resources. Keep yourself Healthy

[natashaX]

Well not everyone lives in the bay area
Where ever that is , I'm in Vancouver btw the Canadian one
And I really am sure its a gender issue
And just how do you propose I hide gender?
Use a fake name? Bind my boobs? Lol

[Shawn Sunshine]

I can't imagine Vancouver denying someone a free meal or food pantry, because of gender or stated gender. Unless you know something I don't

[natashaX]

Uhh yea I grew up with that
Trans.exclusion
Think vrr and Kimberley Nixon era before that everyone
Refused us. Its only a small city not some.super advanced
Mega populace such as california
And the food resources are not as plenty Here
.and racism towards first nations is quite pronounced
And towards trans.its pretty bad here

[sam1234]

You don't have to tell people that you are a transgender. Getting a job is a tougher one if you need to produce your social security card. If you are working under the table or could get a job doing that, I wouldn't even tell them.

You can pass for the gender you identify with. Even if you can't afford some of the newer equipment for chest binding, there are other ways depending on your size.
If your hair is short, in a men's cut and you bind your breasts and wear men's clothes, its very possible that you could pass. If you aren't sure, go to an area that you don't frequent and see if it works. Very few people will challenge a person's gender. Its worth a try anyway.

sam1234

[natashaX]

I don't pass tthough 
People aren't stupid lol
Voice height maybe the Adams apple
And under the counter ...not much of that
To sustain me ...hell selling your body is more stable
Than cash under the table

I don't habe to tell them anything
People aren't stupid
Is this your real name naaataasha?
Heh and lie about it yaaay
Trust me I know after all I am tje expert on
how im viewed

[natashaX]

And thats how trans woman get trapped
Maybe I am very nice looking but here In
Canada things are still in hell for us
And no one cares. Firstly I aint cool
White or the right kind of ->-bleeped-<-
Of course everyone wants to dream about
Transitioning young well I did the first time
Look what Happened
Some retards even say stupid stuff like
Life is what you make of it when they were a man most
Of their life and to me still is
It was a violent era when I was young
Schools out right told me it won't work
Group homes denied us welfare told us to go away
Non profits fir woman denied us
For most of my life
This was the  best anyone could do
Oh wait most are dead
Real trans living ......
And now as long as the ->-bleeped-<-s get their own
Screw the rest attitude comes out
So now csnt even get any job

[natashaX]

Finally after two and a half years I finally been offered a job
The interviews went flawless
What even surprised me is that my interviewers even
Used the correct pronouns right away with out asking
I start before the end of the month full time
Unfortunately I am due to be on brassards table in 32 days
He's going to have to wait. I am not coming out of surgery snd
Waiting another two years to get hired.
I will work and save for ffs with tchange right away.
My only concern is to fix the issues if why I am
Having such a hard go.