Coming out at work

[kaidenhendricks89]

I'm looking for some advice or some of your guys experiences. So I've finally started coming out to my friends and family (with all positive responses so far! ) and my next step is coming out at work. I'm a welder by trade and work in an extremely male dominated shop and am worried about how I should be coming out to these guys who have known me for up to 8.5 years as a female. I'm also looking for your guys' experiences of coming out to bio males and some of their reactions.  Thanks in advance

[sam1234]

I didn't have much trouble coming out at work. I had been slowly changing my appearance anyway. I mainly worked with other guys, and since it was kennel work, everyone was used to my wearing jeans and Ts around.

I just went to each person privately and told them what I was doing. There were a couple of women who didn't understand why I felt I had to "be a guy", and they didn't talk to me much after that, but they worked in a different area anyway.

Be confident when you tell people. If you are casual and upfront with it, not embarrassed or stuttering, its more apt to go over well. The environment you are working in may make it challenging, but it may not come as a big surprise to many. The reason I went to people one by one was so they could respond honestly without worrying about how the others were responding to my news. It takes longer to do it that way, and you can be pretty certain it will get around before you are able to tell everyone, but you don't have the mob mentality if its one on one. If the guys you work with are really macho in behavior, they may never truly see you as a guy, but that is their problem, not yours.

Good luck. You will do fine.

sam1234

[kaidenhendricks89]

Thank you for your response sam1234 that really helped, I've come out to one of the ladies in our office and she was totally fine with it and actually commended me for being brave enough to do this, I like your idea of telling people individually as well ... did you talk to your HR department about what was going on with you?  I'm debating doing this to sit down with HR and my bosses so they know and then tell everyone ... thoughts? 

[FTMax]

As far as at work: I had been slowly cutting my hair shorter and shorter over the course of a year. When I got a date to start T, I decided I should tell my boss, since there was no telling what kind of effects it would have on me. I just said flat out "I'm transitioning from female to male" and that was that. He asked some logistical questions about if I would need time off for anything, but that was it. My coworkers were told the same way. My entire company is male with the exception of 2 women that don't work in my office, and I haven't had any issues whatsoever.

Coming out to male friends: Mixed reactions, but generally "meh okay" is the response. My best friend wanted to know everything. My other roommate is just along for the ride, though sometimes I get the vibe that he's a little weirded out by it all.

I've had nothing but positive experiences though. I have one aunt and uncle that have said they won't be supportive of my transition, out of about ~300 people that know.

[mac1]

I'm looking for some advice or some of your guys experiences. So I've finally started coming out to my friends and family (with all positive responses so far! ) and my next step is coming out at work. I'm a welder by trade and work in an extremely male dominated shop and am worried about how I should be coming out to these guys who have known me for up to 8.5 years as a female. I'm also looking for your guys' experiences of coming out to bio males and some of their reactions.  Thanks in advance

Being accepted equally as one of them (as a female) without bias in that environment for so long I doubt they would have a problem with you being a male. However, it might be a different situation  if you were transitioning from male to female.

[AndrewB]

I had known my boss for a long time, even before working for him--my mom has worked there for a lot of years and is pretty chummy with the boss man--I guess my experience is a little different but I suppose I'll share anyway, maybe it'll give you some ideas, who knows!

Basically what I did was e-mail my boss and ask for a private meeting, where I calmly told him and his "second in command" about being trans and the sort of stuff they might expect happening to me in the near future, such as name change, doctor's visits (until I received my testosterone), etc. After that, we talked about who we were going to let in the know and how, as I work as an accountant at an auto body shop and it wasn't like I knew all the mechanics and body techs super well anyhow. In the accounting department, I let my boss tell my co-workers, since I really didn't want to be awkward and pull everyone aside to tell them, and I was a guy who very quickly cried in the face of confrontation if I felt overwhelmed. Our company is small, so we don't really have a whole department for HR, only a new employee that I didn't know/trust well enough to confide in first. However you manage to tell everyone at work, I'm sure it'll go over fine, judging from what you've mentioned of your situation, and I wish you the best of luck!

[sam1234]

Thank you for your response sam1234 that really helped, I've come out to one of the ladies in our office and she was totally fine with it and actually commended me for being brave enough to do this, I like your idea of telling people individually as well ... did you talk to your HR department about what was going on with you?  I'm debating doing this to sit down with HR and my bosses so they know and then tell everyone ... thoughts?

My job was at a veterinary kennel, so there weren't really departments. There were groups I guess, the vets, the techs, kennel and reception staff, but no real department heads. Your idea about sitting down with your bosses and then going to everyone else sounds like a good plan. That way they hear it from you first instead of from some of the other workers. Even telling people individually doesn't completely work because lets face it, its good gossip. Half the people knew by the time I got to them, but it still worked out well. If your bosses know first, they can also be ready to buffer you if there are any problems with people not taking it well.

sam1234

[kaidenhendricks89]

I had known my boss for a long time, even before working for him--my mom has worked there for a lot of years and is pretty chummy with the boss man--I guess my experience is a little different but I suppose I'll share anyway, maybe it'll give you some ideas, who knows!

Basically what I did was e-mail my boss and ask for a private meeting, where I calmly told him and his "second in command" about being trans and the sort of stuff they might expect happening to me in the near future, such as name change, doctor's visits (until I received my testosterone), etc. After that, we talked about who we were going to let in the know and how, as I work as an accountant at an auto body shop and it wasn't like I knew all the mechanics and body techs super well anyhow. In the accounting department, I let my boss tell my co-workers, since I really didn't want to be awkward and pull everyone aside to tell them, and I was a guy who very quickly cried in the face of confrontation if I felt overwhelmed. Our company is small, so we don't really have a whole department for HR, only a new employee that I didn't know/trust well enough to confide in first. However you manage to tell everyone at work, I'm sure it'll go over fine, judging from what you've mentioned of your situation, and I wish you the best of luck!

Thank you for sharing Andrew that seems like a smart way to go as I work with some guys that I don't trust and don't know well enough to talk to about this as well. My boss isn't exactly my friend either though but he's a professional man that I believe will handle this with the professionalism I expect.

[wkly1269]

I work at vet clinic of mostly females and a few males and i came out completely on fb bc i had friends back home that still didnt know. I only had a few people at my current job as fb friends. and theres quite a few i told personally. I just started T and so people know im giving myself injections bc i limp around sometimes bc im sore. and so people that i havent told personally about being transgender ask about the injections im taking and so i just tell them im transgender and most of them already know so. it kind of worked out lol its cool bc they dont treat me any different. some ask questions which i get and dont mind as long as it isnt too personal but overall it feels good to be out and moving forward on looking male. it used to be very hard for me to tell people about myself to the point i was in tears everytime lol but now its like i dont give a ->-bleeped-<-. This is who i am if you dont like it then get out of my life or dont talk to me. Ive already wasted 28 years of my life pretending to be someone im not.

[camron]

I have been slowly coming out at work over the past month. Actually yesterday and today were the days I came out to the most people. Most of them had never seen me when I had a feminine hairstyle or wore feminine clothing so most weren't surprised. Fortunately the city I work in as well as the people I work with are amazing.

First I went online and read anything I could get my hands on about transitioning at work. There are some really good guides for employees and employers. I also looked up my state's laws regarding protection for transgender people at work. Next I went to my HR person and let her know what was going on. I discussed my concerns at great length and she was receptive and supportive. Then I told my boss who I knew would also support me. Then we made a plan based on how I wanted my "coming out" to proceed - who I would tell, when and how. In the end, I told my closest colleagues in person. The rest of the company was informed by a letter I wrote giving general information about my new name and pronoun which HR sent out for me.

As for coming out to the bio males I worked with. I work on two teams of about 5 people where I am the only female. Because I had a good work relationship with all of them, they were fine with my transition. The most common comment I got from bio males..."you better not grow a better beard than me." LOL

Everyone was supportive where I work and I realize this isn't the case in some places of employment. I am in a private human service agency so it differs from a welding shop. Research your rights and read other people's experiences as well. Also information/training in the work place often helps. Its the lack of knowledge that often decreases tolerance. Best of luck.

[Call me Ray]

I just came out at work yesterday. I work for a large company so both HR and my management team were involved. After preferred name changes were in progress we had a team meeting where I told my team what's going on, then management sent an email out to the teams work closely with.

It all went really well. The range of responses were anywhere from silence to congratulations, nothing negative was said and no one seemed surprised at all. When I was getting my new badge the security guard was questioning the need and using the wrong pronouns and the main security heard, apologised privately and checked to see if I was ok and whether wanted anything addressed, and referred the guard who handled my badging to diversity training as well as talking to him about his reactions. All in all I couldn't be happier with how things were handled.