Online Dating Disclosure: Advice? Experience?

[MugwortPsychonaut]

Antonia, you look like the girl from the Breakfast Club, at the end of the movie when she gets a makeover.

I had an OKCupid profile for two days. I mean, I've had 'em before as a boy, but I had one as a girl for two days. Suburban people are normal and boring, there was nobody who tickled my nippled, and nobody messaged me, either.

One of the first things I had on my profile was that I was trans. It wasn't like a "disclosure." It was like, "trans girl, skateboarder, punk rocker." I'm proud to be trans!

So yeah, I was a lonely girl. Justin Bieber would not approve.

[antonia]

Aww, thx

I have an OKC profile, had it since Valentines Day (yeah, that pathetic), so ar I get about 120 visitors per week, and about 200 messages so far, out of which I'm perhaps interested in 1 out of 20 and continue a conversation. I guess a lot of it has to do with living in a bigger city/metropolitan area.

And like all Canadians, I hate Bieber

Antonia, you look like the girl from the Breakfast Club, at the end of the movie when she gets a makeover.

I had an OKCupid profile for two days. I mean, I've had 'em before as a boy, but I had one as a girl for two days. Suburban people are normal and boring, there was nobody who tickled my nippled, and nobody messaged me, either.

One of the first things I had on my profile was that I was trans. It wasn't like a "disclosure." It was like, "trans girl, skateboarder, punk rocker." I'm proud to be trans!

So yeah, I was a lonely girl. Justin Bieber would not approve.

[Obfuskatie]

I've had my profile for a little over a week on OkC, and have a quite a few messages with either a "sup," or an overt request to skip the online part. I mean, it's like they don't know how lazy it makes them look. Sigh...[emoji19]
I've also made sure to like a few people and msg a couple that stood out too. Some guys'll take more of an initiative once they have a go ahead it seems. And I've heard that girls who take an active role in choosing a partner through online dating are generally more satisfied with the process.
I also don't know if it's worth it to pay money for A-list to see who has liked me...
At least Bieber is just one person, the US already has a pretty big collection of mouth-breathing warm-bodies. We imported him for some reason I can't remember. [emoji14]

     Hugs,
- Katie
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[Devlyn]

Pro tip: Compare the timestamps on the  'Likes you" list to the visitors log. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[joannaelyse]

I'm 24 now and have been online dating on and off since age 19. I have tried everything from telling them in the first few messages to not telling them for a couple months to never telling them. I have never felt comfortable enough putting it in my public profile because for a while I was stealth and living in a small community where I didn't want anyone to find out.

I would say that out of all the options I've listed, my preferred method of disclosure is either messaging or texting the guy before we meet. That way we get a chance to chat a little and see if we connect at all, and if we do, I can find out if he's ok with my past before I waste any time going to meet him. My message/text-disclosure usually is something along the lines of this:

"Hey (dude's name) I just wanted to let you know something about me before we get to know each other better. I was born male-bodied but have always identified as female. I went through several different procedures and medical transitions to become the woman I am today. I understand this is not something everyone is comfortable with, so I wanted to give you the chance to think about it before we meet in person. Please let me know if this changes anything for you, because whatever you decide is okay."

I would say that has about a 50% success rate of getting the guy to still be interested to go on a date. However, I have recently quit online dating. I find the atmosphere more conducive to hooking up and not getting to know someone for who they are. I prefer meeting people through friends, common interests, etc. But hey, I online dated for six years and had some success with it at times so I'm sure you will too! Best of luck

[2cherry]

I don't do online. Tried it, but always disappointed.

In real life, people can see you completely, wholly. And make a snap decision to approach or not. Online things are skewed and often look better than irl, making dating after online more stressful and taxing to look better than what you produced online.

[Obfuskatie]

I think it saves time to just talk to people who are interesting, and not worry about the searching for love component. Not that I intend on meeting a bunch of them, but I've disclosed to the ones I like who are flirting. I guess I forgot how frustrating dating can be since I haven't done it in a few years.

And thank y'all for your advice. It helped a lot when I really didn't know what I wanted to do. [emoji4]


     Hugs,
- Katie
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