"There is also no question in my mind about the rationale not to disclose. Shame, guilt and fear. You just want to be normal. You desire being with a woman. Women desire being with a guy. It is a big chance with low odds of success."
i think these preconceptions are outdated to the point of being totally invalid for young western people today. 1/10000 males are transgendered. it is normal. women do not desire to be with men if theyre gay. chances of success with success defined as the wife/gf loving the idea of transition are maybe slim, although not unheard of.
but why live a compromised life? living part time while at the same time clinging onto a marriage because breakups are painful seems like a strategy that will guarantee heartache for life for both parties. pulling a rotten tooth might be painful but its a lot less bad than an abscess.
there will always be bigger fish to fry, projects, duties, responsibilities, but are they really bigger? i think not. this is the biggest thing in our lives. get it fixed tho and it frees up a huge amount of mental real estate which can then be devoted to other things. living a fertive life as a part-time crossdresser seems the worst of both worlds to be honest.
it amounts to building prison for yourself, and demanding a woman you 'love' forms one of the bars. i would hazard if you love someone you put their needs first, which in this case seems to be letting her know the full facts and make up her mind, and not cling to her like a proxy mother figure. to make what im saying even more confusing it seems unmanly. weak.
im not (just) blowharding; i put my money where my mouth is on this front and im glad i did, if you tell EVERYONE, prioritising the nearest and dearest and then in successive circles to include literally everyone, its like youre not alone anymore. you dont have a big secret weighing you down like a millstone. youre not trying to push against the river. it feels beautiful. a lot of people are like ha no way its a joke thats so fking bizarre for about a day, then are like, huh, you know what, it suits you, good for you, i respect this, and you seem much happier i like this you better, never go back.
the above poster's referring to being transgendered as a beast, to be alternately fought and negotiated with, reminded me of this line from Jacobs Ladder
Eckhart saw Hell too. He said: The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.
Let go. Let her go. if you do it diplomatically, with love, once the dust has settled and she has moved on your ex could very well become one of your closest allies. she might even be bi and be delighted to discover this new you. and you will be free to live without any guilt or shame. then the sunlit uplands await.
