Hi

[CarrotInsanity]

Hi, figured I should post in the under-18 forum...

I'm 14 and struggling with my identity.  I wish I'd been born a boy.  It aches so much to look in the mirror and see a tall, thin female body with chicken arms and small but real lumps hanging on its chest.  I want to be a boy.  I am a boy.  Heck, yes.  I am a boy.  But no one will ever tolerate it. 

Everyone in my family is conservative, narrow-minded, religious, etc.  My pious grandma sat me down and told me I was an a**hole for dressing in guys clothing.  The thing is, I feel confident.  I can walk into a store.  I'm not scared to death of society.  Last September I made a suicide attempt and wound up in the psyche ward, because I couldn't face public school anymore in a girl's body.  But I didn't tell those cheery doctors what I secretly wanted - to be a boy. 

My dad's fairly accepting - he doesn't care if I dress like a dude.  He's a little confused - he says it's a phase, or something.  Now I feel lower than ever.  Even my dad, who I'm close to, doesn't understand it.

There's no way out.  I'm lucky compared to some FTM's - I have a skinny guy's physique.  I'm 5'9".  I've got a small chest and a straight frame.  At least, so far - I'm terrified that puberty will make me look like...well...a girl.

I'm in a bleeding breasted delicate-chinned cage and there's nothing to do but accept it.  Either express myself as a boy (which I am) or disgust my relatives. 

Sorry for the rant.  I'm sure there's other people on here struggling ten times more than I ever will. 

[Makenzie]

Welcome to Susan's

[Scorpion]

The amount you want to be a boy (you are here, don't worry) is so much, i wish i could feel that much alot of the time.
i cant do much but say i am scared of puberty too, i am almost 16, wanting to be a girl, and every time i grow taller and it makes me sadder too.

I cant really help here, having only been like this for a year or so, maybe more, and being m2f with no experience whatsoever.
But i do want you to get assistance though!


~ Eva (<-- Have gave myself a name, though no one knows it outside here)

[adrian]

Hi Carrot

I'm sorry it's so hard for you at the moment. Your family / environment sounds very narrow-minded and challenging.

Is there any chance for you to get access to counseling/therapy or a self-help group? Do you maybe have a friend or group of friends that you could open up to? Any of these options could provide you with a place and time where you can be yourself.

We are here to support you as well!

Edit: Can you discuss with your dad a bit more? It may take time to sink in, but maybe you can convince him that your feelings are consistent, and not a phase.

[Laura_7]

Hugs and welcome


You could look up the following resources for a few thoughts:

there is a website called gayteens dot about dot com where there is a quiz "am_i_trans.htm" . It might help you with a few thoughts, they state a few opinions of others, and explain a few terms. And it might help by showing you are not alone in this.
And you don't have to feel male all the time. A question would be would you prefer a more male body to be more happy ?

And there is a pflag brochure "Coming Out As Trans.pdf" with a few points on the first page... the second page is more for own children.. 
I personally like the twin explanation, you will be like your female twin... with still the same sense of humour etc...

And you might look up a brochure for the british NHS called "doh-transgender-experiences.pdf" . Only thing I would disagree with is page 7, where they state stress, instead many experience relief.
It states that being trans has some biological connections, which is imo socially a bit better acceptable, and it might help with self acceptance.

Well since you know them best its up to you what you say... you might even think about showing the brochure, its for the british national health service, a reputable source.

Just remember there are many who have gone through this and reached their goals eventually .

You could play around a bit with hair and clothing style... mens or unisex trousers, sweaters one or two sizes bigger... second hand stores could be a good source. It can be really fun.


Please reach out...
You might think about talking to a counselor... or a counselor at school you trust, or at a school gsa...
and you could call at the next lgbt center near you and ask for some counseling...
there might even be support groups...
you might say at home you want counseling, for emotional purposes, and pick someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list...

and if you want to talk to someone you can call one of those for example, people are there to help and give advice (there are many others):
glnh dot org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
translifeline dot org

Sometimes its dependent on the person on the line.. just keep at it and reach out...


Well its a process... I'd say take the time you need, but keep at it...

and come here, people will support you


hugs