Transitioning and lack of social ablity

[PhoenixGurl2016]

Hi. Let me say that the last couple of days, I have been off. Not really question my transition but just an over all offness since my high on Monday from my 1st Electrolysis. Maybe I have been on a high too long lol? Anyway this play somewhat into what I have to ask.

I went to my second group meeting this week. After group we go out to a Pizza joint and talk. Last week it was pretty nice. I met and talk to two whole ladies almost the whole night as well as a couple of ladies shortly. I expected to see them and kind of continue the friendlyness, however while the level of talking before was fine, it was after that I have an issue with. Now I did not sit that close to them so I could not hear (I am partly deaf) or partake in their talking. That was not a problem as I could talk to others, however no one seemed interested to talking to me where the week before there was a little interest. Not a problem, as I can just talk to others. I tried that but it did not go far as a subject would be brought up but not followed up. When I say something, it was not responded too interested. There were a couple of other persons around me who were some what quiet, but did not try to talk me. I did try, however nothing would pan out. Most of the time I just sat there looking and listening to others to see if there was anyone else who was not doing any talking. I was wonder if it was me or if I am not new anymore so that is why no one is really interested it talking? Maybe it is that I am too new to be a part of the group right away? It seems like I am that way in other social settings too. For one reason or another it just like that is how it is it. Now this does not discourages me, from my transition. However it does make me wonder about myself socially. MY questions are: Has anyone else experienced this before? If so or if you have some sort of socializing issue, How does it affect your transition and How do you deal?

[sam1234]

I don't think its that unexpected that you might have some social difficulties in the beginning. During elementary school when genders were not as separated as they are afterwards, I was outgoing and could talk to anyone. By the time I transitioned, I'd spent the majority of my life trying to be invisible. Jokes about my masculine body language and dress made me turn inward and I started to feel as if everyone was laughing at me. It took a couple of years after I transitioned to stop thinking the laughter was about me when I would pass a group of people and hear them start laughing.

If you went through something similar during your pre-transition years, your social skills are probably a bit low and when people don't turn to you to converse, it may be interpreted by you as something you did or did not do.
When you join an established group of any kind, even support groups, it takes a little time to be accepted as part of the group. There may be some others who are uncomfortable being there themselves and shy. Keep trying to make contact with others in the group. For all you know, starting a conversation with someone who seems to be ignoring you might be a relief to them. They might be nervous and glad that someone is approaching them.

You kind of have to regain your self esteem, which is part of the transition process for many. Transitioning is not just about the physical changes you go through. Its also about finding yourself again. Realizing that you don't have to be on the outside anymore. I'll give you that it can be uncomfortable in a situation as you described, but consider it part of your personal growth.

sam1234

[michelle82]

when i went to my first support group meeting, i didn't socialize much. I've very shy and always have been. But some people did approach me to strike up a conversation which was nice. I wouldn't worry about it. Learning to socialize is just something that gets better with practice. If you are like me and avoided a lot of social situations growing up, then you just have some work to do!!