tryed to come out to my mother

[Asheylov]

last night i was trying to come out to my mother and she thinks its not right and i should not transition. i tried to explain to her that i wanted to do it and i was sure . but she doesn't want me to do it.
i don't think she would support me threw it and think i should stay as a  man. but hopefully the therapist can help to explain it to them.

and hope they will support me threw it. also my mother think getting  a GRS, is unnatural and would not support it.

she thinks i should get over the feeling and move on, get a girlfriend , get married and have kids. but i know these feeling will stay and not go. hopefully i don't have to move out to do the transition. iv got no where to live.

[Laura_7]

Hello,
well don't know if this is still an issue...
you could have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best... if it is better to wait some because they might react stubbornly...
and it might be a good idea to talk to the counselor first...
talking in a relaxed manner might help... not getting upset but stating facts and a few needs... remaining calm...

hugs

[cindianna_jones]

Whatever you do, if you have any doubts, one way or the other. Don't have kids! Tell your parents that. You'll have the family, the little ones will be growing. You'll have a good job and then wham. It's back and stronger than ever and you can't do a thing except move forward with transition. Then you have child support, you're living in a rented room in hell, your family is miserable and you want to commit suicide every night.

There'a a film I like to recommend to people who can't accept TBLG people and that's Brokeback Mountain. Tell them to watch the whole thing to see what forcing a person into the mold can do to families. It is shocking that people think children fixes all. No. It makes things worse fore everyone.

Chin up
Cindi

[Asheylov]

thanks  Laura, it has helped a lot


hugs

ash

[Mariah]

I'm not sure if it's how you actually worded your statement here or to your mother, but if it comes off as a want and not a need she may not be seeing why you can't move down the traditional path and need to transition. I'm certainly not trying to tell you how to explain things to your mom, but an approach that clearly shows you need to or have to do this for your own health and well being is a must. Secondly any research and background you can give her to help your mom understand why you need to do this and why this doesn't just go away by marrying someone and having children is must to help her understand. Regardless of how you do it good luck and Hugs.
Mariah

[TracyCakes]

About your mom wanting you to conform to society's expectations of getting married and having kids, you just need to be you and make your own decisions.  However, I cannot agree with Cindy Jones on this subject, maybe I misunderstood her point.  I had doubts about who I was and what my feelings were but I never doubted that I fell in love with my wife to be and she loved me.  Look, I think a lot of people have doubts about getting married and having kids, just their  doubts are a little different (will they be healthy and happy, will I be able to properly support them, will I be a good parent) but a lot of people take that leap of faith and it turns out great.    While it took me a long time to figure out what I was feeling, my relationship with my wife will never be a mistake in my eyes.  From my experience and what I have read here, not everyone's wife and kids are completely unaccepting.  My wife has been incredibly supporting so far and our love for each other gets us through this transition period, and although we have not yet come out to the kids, regardless how they feel, I know I was part of creating two incredible human beings that are so gifted in so many ways and have so much to offer to this world.  Simply put, I do not regret getting married and having kids, they will be the greatest thing I was ever a part of even if my final chapter ends badly for me ... My regret is only that I did not have the courage to explore all of this and be honest with myself for too long.  I try to avoid giving advice because I am not a professional counselor and not qualified to do that but all I can do is share my experiences and I will go to my grave loving my wife and kids regardless of whether they ever fully accept me.   

[Lady Smith]

My marriage was hell, but I wouldn't be without my two now adult children.  Then on the other hand I always wanted children so I guess the 15 years of hell were worth it in the end.
Because I was living a long distance away when I came out to my Mum I did it over the telephone.  Possibly it was a cowardly way to do it, but I knew I needed to keep my distance from anyone who was going to try and talk me out of it.  In some ways the fact that my sister and brother had already came out to Mum as being gay some years before possibly made things easier.  A couple of months later Mum let me know that she had accepted me as her new daughter by sending me my very first pair of women's shoes.  I still have them despite their now well worn condition and they still mean a lot to me.
Strange as it might seem while my sister accepted me as her sister right away my brother tried very hard to convince me I was gay.  When that didn't work he increasingly began to distance himself from me and now looks on me as a complete embarrassment.  Families (sigh) there's no way to truly know how they're going to react.