My father...I swear to god.

[StrykerXIII]

So, Monday I finally managed to catch up with my parents over the phone. My father had a few final questions about my "gender problem". Among them was, "Are you 100%, definitely, undoubtedly attracted to women?"...no, dad, I got engaged to a woman and moved in with her to hide it, and I'm always babbling on about how much I love her just so you'll think I'm straight. 

But that's not the most irritating thing he said. He gave me his thoughts on the whole transgender thing:

"Gender dysphoria is just a chemical imbalance in either the brain or the body. It's no different from say, your depression or your anxiety. All you need is the right medication, and I have no doubt that you'll find that you're definitely male. After all, that's ingrained in your DNA. You're just under the effects of a chemical imbalance, and it's causing you to have these 'feminine feelings'. I don't care if you crossdress - might not be my thing, but I'm fine with it. But you're not really transgender. You just have that imbalance to deal with."

Can I please scream now? I never really acknowledged any of the stuff he said, just the occasional "mhm" or "uh-huh"...and when he was done, I just told him, "Well, I guess we'd need a doctor's opinion to find a definitive answer for what's going on". He immediately rebutted with, "Yup. Just gotta get you straightened out."

STRAIGHTENED OUT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I've never been more upset in my life - and I've been cheated on five times. My own father thinks I'm "sick" and "just need to be treated".

[end of rant]

[skin]

I know the feeling.  According to my Mom, if I just went on testosterone instead of estrogen, it would have made me normal. This was despite the fact I was pretty high in the male reference range for T before starting hrt.  It'll take a lot of patience on your end, but he might get it eventually.

[Eva Marie]

Ugh. Parents.

It is a chemical imbalance in your brain - your brain runs on and needs estrogen and your body can't make it; thus the imbalance. It's that simple.

I am having the same sort of issues with my parents just not accepting what I already know because they "know me" and think i'm completely wrong.

Do what you need to do to help yourself regardless of whether your parents or anybody else approves of it.

[StrykerXIII]

This was despite the fact I was pretty high in the male reference range for T before starting hrt.

That's where I'm at. We discussed the signs of high T levels - he's been diagnosed as having EXCESSIVELY high T, and we share all the same symptoms.

Do what you need to do to help yourself regardless of whether your parents or anybody else approves of it.

Yeah, after that I decided that parent acceptance is no longer needed.

I did speak with my mother about that conversation afterwards. She told me that my father's still in denial, that he just can't believe this is a thing. She acknowledged and agreed that, with it being a little over two years since I came out, he's had plenty of time. I asked what her thoughts on it were, and if she had any more questions. She told me nope, no further questions, all she needs to know is that I'm happy when I'm dressed like a woman. She said that so long as it makes me happy, I shouldn't give a damn what anyone, including the two of them, has to say about it. She admitted that she doesn't understand, but acknowledged that, without living through it herself, she probably never will. And she said that if she winds up with another daughter in the long run, hey, one more shopping buddy.

[Ms Grace]

Unfortunately the onus usually falls to us to prove it's not an illness, it's not a lifestyle, it's not a perversion, it's not an imbalance, yadda yadda. Most people just don't, can't or won't understand. If we need them to understand us it can be a long road to reconciliation.

[Cindy]

In my very early days of therapy, my then psyche asked me. 'what would you say if I suggest taking T shots to see if it controls your dysphoria?'

I said something rather rude about where I would insert his prescription.

His reply was , 'You are perfectly correct, T won't masculinise your feminine brain - but I wanted to see your reaction.'

[StrykerXIII]

Just wait til I learn how to feminize my voice (having some serious problems with that right now)...I intend to visit my folks for a few days in full-on girl mode.

[Eva Marie]

I asked what her thoughts on it were, and if she had any more questions. She told me nope, no further questions, all she needs to know is that I'm happy when I'm dressed like a woman. She said that so long as it makes me happy, I shouldn't give a damn what anyone, including the two of them, has to say about it. She admitted that she doesn't understand, but acknowledged that, without living through it herself, she probably never will. And she said that if she winds up with another daughter in the long run, hey, one more shopping buddy.

I want your mom to be my mom!! ....... I like what she said 

Shopping is always good 

[StrykerXIII]

I want your mom to be my mom!! ....... I like what she said 

Shopping is always good 

All my friends pretty much adopt her as their 2nd mom the moment they meet her  so it wouldn't be that far a stretch 

[suzifrommd]

It's frustrating to meet people who just refuse to be educated. Indeed are so resistant that they make up their own facts to avoid it. Multiplies the frustration by 100 when it's your own father.

Hugs Stryker. Hang in there. Now you know you need a certain distance from him because there's some toxicity there.

[Aubrey1day]

*Hugs Stryker* I know how you feel. My father acted the same way with me. Just about other things.

I never talked to him about my gender issues. Though I did have my aunt sit down with me and him to try and explain why my social anxiety was so crippling at the time. She deals with social anxiety due to agoraphobia. My father responded by more or less saying that he didn't believe that social anxiety was a thing. He went as far as to make the joke that "Maybe you are just crazy like your aunt is and should see Martha (her therapist) aswell." My aunt started crying and walked out of his house and I used a few four letter words before doing the same.

Sadly some people think the know everything and are always right. I hope for your sake that time see's your father change for the better. Regardless though, be true to yourself and keep your head up! <3

[StrykerXIII]

It's frustrating to meet people who just refuse to be educated. Indeed are so resistant that they make up their own facts to avoid it. Multiplies the frustration by 100 when it's your own father.

Hugs Stryker. Hang in there. Now you know you need a certain distance from him because there's some toxicity there.

Well, he's in Alabama and I'm in Kentucky, so I think distance is covered  and I only really ever call him like twice a month anyway, unless I'm having car trouble. He's a walking encyclopedia when it comes to cars, and has never once complained about me calling with a car issue.