Am I the only one who is SUPER NOT OKAY with the "Do I Pass" thread!?

[joannaelyse]

So, here's the deal. I understand that I am posting this thread from a place of privilege. Generally, in public and in my sphere of friends I am seen as a woman and people don't often see the assigned male at birth thing upon first glance. I understand that IS a privilege. But I certainly did not ALWAYS have that privilege.

Someone genuinely tell me, HOW does it even REMOTELY help you to have a vain and mean-spirited thread attacking different women on their looks. As women, we ALL have to fight the idea of a woman's worth being solely based on her physical attractiveness. I understand that some AFFIRMING can be great for our self-confidence (hence I have no problem with the You Look Fabulous thread). But I have to say, I think that this should be a place of support and positivity.

Let's face it! It's not easy being a woman assigned male at birth. We have enough criticisms and soul-crushing confidence-killing things said to us on a daily basis. WHY do we need to add to that here? I just think that the whole idea of a "Do I Pass" thread is based on the inaccurate notion that looking like you are trans is something to be ashamed of. If passing is important to you, then go ahead and pursue it, but I just think the whole idea is mean and not conducive to a support community.

[Jill F]

Nobody is required to post in that thread.  People who violate the Terms of Service in their posts are dealt with by staff.

I personally do not post there because I don't give a rodent's rectum if anyone here thinks I "pass" or not, nor do I think anyone would benefit from my opinion based upon one photograph.   "Passing" is more than just how you look in a picture.

[Muffinheart]

There is a threshold one passes during transition where you don't care what people think.
I think in my early days I could have posted pics and asked for opinions to somehow make me feel better or get validation.
7 years later, that ship has sailed.
How I see myself is way, way, way more important than what someone else thinks.

[cindianna_jones]

When I first started leaving the house, the only opinions I could get were the stares, whistles, and cat calls of the jeering public. I would very much have appreciated an honest opinion before experiencing that agony. And if that thread can help someone and if people are honest, then I don't see any harm in it. Personally, I ignore it for the most part. I really have a hard time discerning a person's age much less can they pass in public from a picture. I'm just saying I sure could have used some advice.

Cindi

[ChiGirl]

I've read the thread and I don't think there's anything mean-spirited about it.  Maybe the title isn't the best and seems cis-normative, but most of the comments are positive and helpful feedback.

[marsh monster]

Its a question many do have about themselves and most of the comments on their pics are trying to be helpful, not harmful. Also, if that thread weren't there, could you imagine how often someone would post their own topic asking what others thought, if they pass or not?  Be lots of threads, me thinks(which honestly hurts my head by the way).


And as Jill said, no one is forced to post their pic there, but if they wish to see what others think and if someone has suggestions, then what's really the harm?  No skin off my nose or yours really. Unless you're sitting really too close to your monitor and getting screen burn...

[Zoetrope]

No, I hear you Joanna, though maybe I have a different take.

I think the message we should be putting out there - is that 'passing', is far less important than feeling right within oneself.

Having 'Do I pass?' as a sticky gives the impression that passing is something central and important to our journey.

I think that does more harm than good. It can cause a lot of anguish and resentment, because we all develop differently, and we all have different assets. Body image issues are a huge thing for trans-women, and women in general. Even men are affected by it.

The psychological aspects of transition - feeling right within oneself - are far more important. If anything, we should be promoting the question 'How are you feeling?' ... and not, 'Do I look like a girl yet?'.

[Ms Grace]

Generally we are obsessed with whether we pass or not and the thread is a good gauge for those that feel they need some encouragement before proceeding further in whatever steps they are about to take. There is nothing intentionally demeaning about the process. Post if you want to post - be prepared for the response, positive or otherwise (but usually supportive regardless). Don't post if you don't want to post.