Career Issues

[Adrianna]

I've been wanting to change my appearance and become more feminine although in my head I am still struggling about whether or not I am transgender or not. Like in my other previous post mentioned all signs indicates that I am therefore I began 'experimenting' by crossdressing and every time I do so I feel good. I even began letting my hair grow longer nearly a year ago.

Also I finally gain the courage to be referred to a gender therapist yesterday (yayyy!) and I'm sure I will do hrt. However, I just graduated from university with a business degree and I'm afraid of transitioning when I get a new job. I've been procrastinating and not wanting to apply or get a job because of this. Instead I started an online clothing store for MTF (due to my passion for fashion and the fact that I'm afraid to shop in store or that not many store have clothes that fit me while at the same time avoid my fears) but so far it is not profitable and I'm running out of funds.

But my fear of transitioning in a new job environment makes my stomach churned, makes me depressed and dare I say it, there has been time I thought about committing suicide.

I need opinions. 

[suzifrommd]

But my fear of transitioning in a new job environment makes my stomach churned, makes me depressed and dare I say it, there has been time I thought about committing suicide.

I need opinions.

First opinion: Suicide is the worst option. Seems like it would be better to receive a few bumps and bruises in the business arena before you end up with the career that finally makes you happy and successful.

Now some advice: Just find a job. Provide value to someone. Make yourself useful in someone's business to the point that they're willing to pay you. If you decide to transition, it will be up to your new boss to decide whether to keep you on as your new self or let you go. Your boss will make that decisions by weighing his/her/their own personal biases, the possibility of lawsuit, how much value you add to the business, and how much he/she/they like you. Beyond being yourself and doing the best job possible, you can't control what your workplace does, only what you do.

I'm a "get on with it" sort of girl. I didn't let the state of my body, employment, or family keep me from transitioning. I kept my career, lost my spouse, and ended up with a satisfactory transition. So that's my point of view. Some one who is more cautious might counsel you differently.

Good luck, Adrianna. You have your brains, you have a degree, and you have your character, which is a whole lot more than a lot of job-seekers have.

[Rejennyrated]

Look we've all been there - even me!!!

Yes I first transitioned in childhood. Yes I had the full support of my family. BUT back in the 1970's doctors could be a different matter and hence my transition went 1.5 circles - age 5 to female, aged 17 back to male, and then aged 24/25 back to female again... the gap being caused by puberty with no blockers available, and my reluctance to be an obvious bearded lady!

So in the mid 1980's right in the middle of the massively intolerant Thatcher/Reagan era, and as an established engineer working with a bunch of very male engineers - I faced coming out and transition.

YES it was tough - SO tough in fact that I dont talk about it now because none of you would ever believe what I had to find ways to overcome... but I wanted to do it. I knew it was right, because I'd lived the childhood, and so I applied my mind to working out how to get through it, and I did.

There comes a point where you just have to take a risk and jump. As for suicide - there are two options - you either try to transition, in which case experience tells me it probably wont be as bad as you imagine, or you do something silly, and then with your dying breath you will surely wonder what would have happened if you had only tried. Thats a horrible last thought to have. Imagine realising in your last seconds of life that YOU COULD have made it. I can almost guarrantee that would be what would happen.

So lets get back to actually doing something positive. You may imagine its all too difficult and impossible, but my experience tells me that a.) its 1000x easier these days than it was 35 years ago b.) that it wont be as bad as you imagine, and c.) that almost everyone eventually looks back and thinks "well that wasnt so bad after all."

The other thing is you have a degree and you work with educated people. In my experience the ones who have real trouble are those who have no education and work in menial jobs - because often people in those situations can be very direct and rather intolerant - in a white collar environment - as long as you play the game and continue to perform, they will be much more forgiving.

so do your homework - check your prospective employers out, find one with a good equal opportunities and welfare record, then get that job and go for it. You will feel better when you actually start to do something. Remember one cannot steer a stationary vehicle...

[JoanneB]

For most to perhaps all the others in my TG support group when suicide became the only viable option, it also said I don't have nothing to loose by transitioning. I've been fairly fortunate most days not having those feelings.

However I do fear and have feared for over 30 years now the concept of transitioning on the job. The fear only grows over time as you get more and more established in it and your life. A large part of who I am is what I do for a living. I think it is great I get paid very well to have fun... most days. You can do the same by combining your business acumen with your other love of fashion. Target that industry for a job. It certainly puts you into a bit less transphobic environment then other more male dominated fields

I'm sure you already know transitioning can be a very expensive process depending on your goals and needs. Having a rainy day fund is a good thing as well as the means to slowly knock off the less overt yet wants and needs for your goal of fully transitioning. Assuming that even remains a constant. Heck, after 6 years of actively doing something about a lifetime of being trans I still can't decide if I just want to transition or need to. I have to guess it's "want" since I still haven't

[Laura_7]

First, if you feel like it please reach out...
there are helplines, and its possible to chat there:
glnh.org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt helpline)
thetrevorproject.org
translifeline.org
there are more...

you have a few options...
you might start slow, maybe you might find a part time job...
and you not necessarily have to work in business directly... maybe teaching or educating would suit you...

hugs