Carrot, I know it hurts. I am sorry for your pain but also a little envious that you are only 14 and have your life ahead of you. I can promise you being an adult will let you make a lot more choices than you have right now. It sucks, but the best thing to do now is start preparing your exit strategy NOW. See if there is a safe, non judgmental counselor or teacher that you talk with, it's very important to do this if you can find someone. As everyone has mentioned, you don't need to tell them you are transgender or anything. Also, don't get too down on your body and yourself. At your age EVERYONE HATES THEIR BODY. Believe me, all those popular kids, your siblings and parents when they were or are 14 they will probably be loathing their body for different reasons but basically no one feels pretty at 14! Not only that, but everyone, adults or no, everyone says or does things they regret or are embarrassed by. Life is a constant learning process and no one is perfect. Love yourself and try to love others, do you best to be a good person rather than pretend to be a girl. Being a good person will always be useful for you, whereas being a girl is hopefully not something you will need to pretend to be for long.
Study hard- school is incredibly important, keep your grades up and don't stop learning just because you aren't in school!
Find the rest of you- you know you are a guy and that is amazingly hard step. GOOD FOR YOU- seriously! I needed 25+ years to figure out I was really a man inside. But an important thing to do is figure out the other stuff you are interested in! Do you like biology/math/reading/writing/drawing/music?? I actually love many of the same things I love when I was 14. Drawing and listening to music with friends are some of my favorite pastimes and I still love art and making things! There are ways to learn about the stuff you love even if you cannot afford to to them or if your parents won't allow it. If you like automotive stuff- research it online. If you like to draw, practice as much as you can without hurting your grades in school.
Save up- save money if you get it, do you best to keep it safe. If you have a bank account use it, if you don't have one, ask if you can get one. You will need help with this one, but you can always say you want to save up for college. If you can, get a savings account and do your best to keep money in it. An emergency fund is a really great thing to have and if you can get some kind of college trust fund that no one can withdraw from until you are of a legal adult age, that would be best! I don't know if you feel you can trust your family, I don't know how they are with things you consider your property, but you can always say you don't want to be able to withdraw your college funds until you are old enough and that's a great excuse.
If you are able to handle some delicate subject material, you should research other transgender resources. If your parents track your web browsing I would not risk that for now, make sure you always delete your browsing histories if they can get into your phone/laptop/whatever you use to sign in here! When I was about your age I had just gotten access to the internet- there's a lot of bad stuff out there but there's also great people with great advice. My favorite queer advocate Dan Savage almost always advises his younger readers to keep quiet until they are adults and use every advantage they can. Will your parents help you pay for college or help you get started in careers? Use that, try to keep your transgender and other "offensive" (to them) issues on the down low as best you can. You don't have to wear pink frilly stuff, but try to keep androgynous, non offensive appearance until you can get out, bail and tell them goodbye for however long you want. Stuff like religious persecution has made being queer so much tougher for young kids but you can make it through this. Do your best to stay true to yourself as much as you can without getting yourself hurt or in a tight spot. Sometimes even the most prejudiced of people can become accepting, you never know, but until you are legally able to take care of yourself, endure and know there are many people who have been in your shoes and survived it. You will totally be able to get through it too, one way or another, just be careful and know there are things you can't do a lot to fix right now, but there are tons of other things you can accomplish to make transitioning much easier when you are older.
If you need anything, feel free to PM me!
