Just another day in trans paradise

[Alexis2107]

So today been one of these hard hit days.  First, found out this morning that a friend I not spoken to in a few months, from England, who is a trans woman, apparently committed suicide on Thursday.  She was in her early 20s.  Only known her for a short period, and she was having a really rough time in her transitioning and I tried to be a point of contact for her but she slowly faded away and nothing I could do, I am from the US and she England. 

Then got into a huge argument with my father about my transitioning (after I found out about the suicide), he keeps putting labels on me and saying I will get AIDS and all sorts of hurtful diseases, I will end up going to hell.  Although, big bible man he is, cannot spit out any bible references to my transitioning is against God's will...I told him simply "Luke 6:37, looks like we'll meet in hell".  Then he goes off about giving him respect, I told him takes two to tangle and if he wants respect, he needs to show respect.. he told me he refuses and will not respect me. 

Anyways, just wanted to air and rant.  I am more upset about my friend than my dad, my dad is dead to me.  He is just a random ghost that tries to irritate me. 

R.I.P. Dani <3

Lexi

[cindianna_jones]

I'm terribly sorry about your friend. We do have a large number of suicides. It's such a frustrating experience.

My father told me that if he ever saw me in a dress that he'd "beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of me." But after I moved to another state and had everything done, I showed him the results 8 months post op. He was curious. So I showed him that it was a done deal. He never did quite learn to get the pronouns right but got better as time went on and we became very close, much closer than I ever had been with him in my earlier life. He died 4 years ago and I am so happy that I did not cut him out of my life. Now, I'm missing him and crying. Don't give up on your father. Ever. He may come around.

Chin up
Cindi

[Rachel]

Alexis, I am sorry about the death of your friend.

Your father may come around eventually. It sounds like he has some issues around accepting that you are trans and he is trying to make you stop transitioning. Perhaps when you are done transitioning he will accept you, hugs.

[evecrook]

sorry for those sad things

[ImagineKate]

Sorry to hear about your friend. And your dad. Like mine I guess give him some time. My dad isn't religious (he is Hindu but is really more like an agnostic/atheist) and he's on good terms with my cousin who is lesbian so I can't understand why he's not talking to me but hey that's life . So I'm letting him come around on his own terms.  Hopefully yours comes around too.

[Emileeeee]

Sorry to hear about your friend.

It's no secret my father and I don't get along at all, but I did want to comment on being okay with one family member and not another. My father's actually okay with another family member that's gay, but I fear for my life when he finds out I'm trans. I've already heard the no son of mine is going to be gay speeches just from growing my hair long. Can't imagine them if I had to say it's okay, I'm not gay, I'm just a woman. I think it's a little different for them when it's their own kid. When I was born, my father had dreams of me being a football player that would eventually follow in his footsteps working for a living in manual labor (because if that's not what you do, you're not really working). I did neither. Telling him I need to be a woman will just blow his entire image of me out of the water, even if the boat is already rocking. And that image isn't just his, it's the image he passes on to his friends and coworkers too. It'll turn his world upside down in ways that I know he can't cope with. Maybe all the dads will come around, but you can't let it change who you are.

[ImagineKate]

I'm terribly sorry about your friend. We do have a large number of suicides. It's such a frustrating experience.

My father told me that if he ever saw me in a dress that he'd "beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of me." But after I moved to another state and had everything done, I showed him the results 8 months post op. He was curious. So I showed him that it was a done deal. He never did quite learn to get the pronouns right but got better as time went on and we became very close, much closer than I ever had been with him in my earlier life. He died 4 years ago and I am so happy that I did not cut him out of my life. Now, I'm missing him and crying. Don't give up on your father. Ever. He may come around.

Chin up
Cindi

Cindi,

I'm hoping my dad will come around too. I do ask about him through my brother so hopefully some spark of the relationship is kept alive.

Maybe after he doesn't see me for a year or so and I look completely different he will come around. That's my hope anyway.

[katrinaw]

Hi Lexi... Hugs.... so sorry to hear about your friend... It is tough when any young person passes on, especially in our situation.

I also hope that one day you and your father heal the relationship, don't forget it's as hard for them as it is for us, we understand our Gender issues, parents, especially fathers don't... Males expect their sons to be like them in many respects (stereotypically) and feel cut, maybe even embarrased that their offspring does not conform... Keep loving him, he will respond eventually.

L Katy 

[Sydney_NYC]

Hugs Lexi!!! Most of my family has been there for me and supportive except for my father (who my mother divorced when I was 13.) He wasn't religious until the last 10 years but was raised very religious Southern Baptist and now is part of that again. He's even admitted that I was born this way yet, he won't accept me. It's been a year and a half since we've spoken even though I've sent messages to him. My mother-in-law recently passed away and it made me want to try and reconnect with him (of course as my true self.) Maybe one day he will come around and accept me, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Hopefully one day he will come around for you.

[LizMarie]

Lexi, cut the toxic people out of your life. Even blood relatives. (Being a blood relative isn't "family"; loyalty, love, and acceptance is family.)

I've had to do that and plan to cut out a few more eventually because of how things have gone. And I'm a lot happier for it.