Does it sound like I belong here?

[?????]

Hiya guys,

My name is Stan, and I'm kind of confused. Honestly, I just thought I was somewhere between a mama's boy and a perv, but one of my more knowledgeable female friends suggested I may have gender identity issues. I thought she was crazy, but a quick google search got me wondering. Here are some quick facts about me, dunno if this stuff has anything to do with being mixed gender...

I was never one of those kids that dressed up like a girl (maybe once or twice, but not like notoriously), and I'm not gay or anything. But I tried crossdressing once when I was 10, and it felt weirdly right. Then I pushed down the shameful act and moved on.

I never really wanted male friends, and secretly wish I was part of the girls group. I play team sports and find it hard being on a team with all guys. I mean, I have a little wolf pack of dude friends, because you need one to survive at my school, but I'm not one of them, yanno?

It's kind of a joke with my buddies that whenever we have to do a skit or play for class, I always end up being "the girl". I pretend like it's "funny", but really I just like being a girl.

I'm not into all that frilly stuff, but I remember my favourite colour as a little kid was pink, until my dad forced me not to like it. Now I say I like green, but I don't really like it that much.

Also, I used to watch old power rangers episodes, and in my daydreams, I was always the girl rangers. I also always picked girl characters in video games when I played by myself.

I find I make a conscious effort to use harsher, blunter language to sound guyish, but when I am happy I use very cute language, with lots of tone. I really love English class, but I try to downplay it to my boys.

I'm not girly, like no one calls me gay (I know that gay people aren't girly, but if you're girly at my school, they'll call you gay), but my close female friends open up to me a lot and I like that. The two of them have even joked I would be the "maid of honour" at their future wedding. I know they're joking, but ever since i am basically looking forward to that day.

THIS one is really weird, hopefully no one makes fun of me:

I had a really weird puberty. Like, I got really stressed out about body facial hair, and tried to make myself more like a girl. I secretly waxed excess hair, I liked to stuff my clothes to give myself curves (but I'd do it subtly, so only I would notice, and it'd make me feel better), I felt the urge to dress like a girl and fought with it hard. One day after school, I stole a girl's pants, and then freaked out at myself and returned them to her locker an hour later (she didn't use a lock). and I also liked to steal my mom's maxi pads and wear them to school (it made me feel good, even though they obviously did nothing). I wanted to be soft and smooth. And at the same time, I felt like a criminal or something, because I knew I must have some mental problems or something. I was desperate to get my hands on anything that'd make me more like a girl.


Am I in the the right place, or do I just have some weird sex thing? Sorry if that sounds disrespectful, I got nothing against anyone here. I think it takes guts to be who you are even when no one wants you to be it.

[LordKAT]

Hi Stan, welcome to Susan's.

You are definitely in the right place. The things you describe are very common.  Look around at some of the other introduction posts and I think you will find many who started the same way. There is no need to be afraid of being yourself here. There is no shame either. You are who you are, and that is OK.

Here are some links to site rules and some answers to often asked questions.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  

[mrs izzy]

Stan,
Welcome to Susan's Family
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write.
Many article of news, wiki, links ,minecraft and chat
Safe passage on your path, Popcorn?
Hugs

[Marcia]

As other have said welcome to Susan's Stan.
I think you do belong here as all are welcome. We are very welcoming group. The hardest thing that you need remember is to respect the other members.
Have a look around the site as there is a lot good information to be had.

[androgynouspainter26]

Stan,

With a list of experiences like those, you are ABSOLUTELY welcome here.  I'd wager more than one of the people here have been through some of the exact same experiences.  My dysphoria first manifested itself as an aversion to facial hair, and I hate frilly things with a passion too, and, well, the rest is history.  I totally get what you're going through though, and it does sound to me that you might want to start exploring your gender identity a bit more. 

A good question to ask yourself is this: If you existed in a vacuum (that is, you had absolute freedom) who would you choose to be?  What clothes would you wear?  What sort of body would you have?  Who would your friends be?  It sounds to me that you'd like to be more feminine-weather or not you're female is a different story entirely.  So, just keep in mind that you can play around with your gender expression (how you dress, act) without it influencing your gender identity (what you call yourself) or mental sex (what body you were supposed to have).  Confused yet?  I'm going to guess you are!  And that's ok.  I'd see about finding someone to talk too-other trans people are a good place to start, as is a gender therapist.  Hey, if it'd help, feel free to shoot me a message.  In any event,  hope you find your way! 

Best of luck to you,
S

[Cynobyte]

Me to, me to:)  That could have matched things in my past..  Don't be afraid to explore your gender or sexuality.  They are different, as there are different types of dysphoria..  But you are in the right place.  You may get frustrated and stop a while, but come back whenever you want and figure this out.  Your life will be more fulfilled if you do..  You mentioned your not gay, there is no problems if you are or not.  I've been married to the same great woman for 20 years and even though I'm changing, our love has not.. 
Just ask all you cannot find no matter how bad you think they may be (dumb questions are better than dumb mistakes).  But here, nothing is dumb, they may censor and block some stuff, but that is for the best of the group please understand..  Just find what the issue is and reword it;)  or message people like me too, not a question I'm afraid of yet!  But most of all, don't ever be ashamed about this.  Nothing wrong with changing your mind or body (as long as you are planning for your long term welfare).  Enjoy;)

[Ms Grace]

Hi Stan - sounds like your friend might be onto something! Hope the forum can help provide you with some guidance and insight into trans issues regardless of how you might decide to proceed.

[?????]

Thanks a lot of everyone, you're very friendly. I'm kinda stressed out about what all this means, and it's nice to be received like this.

[V M]

Hi Stan 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Laura_7]

 Hello and welcome *hugs*

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help, and show you are not the only one:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185096.msg1646042.html#msg1646042

There is no need to feel ashamed...

I'd say take the time you need... to get aquainted to a few thoughts, but keep at it...
its a process, but many have gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a better view...


hugs

[Athena]

Hi Stan welcome to Susan's.

[Rachel]

Welcome ?,

you are in the right place.

Pull up a chair and look around the site. There is a lot of information.