Almost Two Weeks In....

[vtor_91]

As I am approaching two weeks since Amy85 revealed to me their secret I still feel I'm on an emotional roller-coaster.

The first reaction was definitely heart-break and sadness.
I have moments where I feel okay, even excited about our future.

Though, what I did leave out before was that I deal with heavy amounts of anxiety. Last week I had a bad bought, debilitating anxiety, making my day-to-day life impossible. Yes, the anxiety may have been trigger by the news... but it definitely wasn't the only stressor in my life.
But ultimately I feel so unstable right now, going from one end to another. Sometimes its a few days of either end, sometimes its only a few hours before it switches.


My question is, does anyone have any idea when this all may settle? Does it, ever?

[blueconstancy]

That's normal, and two weeks is not a very long time yet. Give yourself permission to explore your feelings as much as you need to. I could go from confident or happy to depressed or anxious within the same hour.

It did end for me, but not until transition did - I had to be secure in the knowledge that I was OFF the roller-coaster, and even then it took a few months for me to settle down. (Unfortunately, I also ended up with an anxiety disorder during my wife's transition... and that did not go away, to this day. I'm on a weekly maintenance medication for it.) Since transition hasn't really started yet, and Amy's not sure where it's all going either, it's natural for this to be a very high-stress time for you.

[vtor_91]

It did end for me, but not until transition did - I had to be secure in the knowledge that I was OFF the roller-coaster, and even then it took a few months for me to settle down. (Unfortunately, I also ended up with an anxiety disorder during my wife's transition... and that did not go away, to this day. I'm on a weekly maintenance medication for it.)....

Its good to know it can end eventually... though I want to avoid a medicated route if at all possible. I've done so this far in my life, with self- managing. But I guess if it comes to that, I may give in and go that route.

But I do hope it calms.

[Athena]

Once you got over the hurdle of deciding to stay with Amy85, then it becomes more like a traditional relationship. It is a relationship where 2 people have to learn to compromise and accept one another. There will be ups and there will be downs but in the end it sounds like both of you care for the other which is a very good start. I understand that you will also be going to the gender therapist which I think is a wonderful start and they should be able to answer your questions much better. In the end your relationship will work or it won't just like any relationship, the 2 of you seem to be going about the right way to make it work. I would hope that you can relax and enjoy the ride as it were.

Wishing you 2 the best as always.

[blueconstancy]

Oh, I'm definitely not *recommending* medication for anyone who isn't me.

Yes, it can get better. But it's also true that transition presents some unique challenges, not least that there are perhaps fewer people in the world prepared to listen to you and offer support without being secretly weirded out. Your reactions are normal, and you should focus on self-care if and when you can; the fact that you already have established coping skills ought to help.

[JoanneB]

So far it has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for my wife. On top of my mood swings, let downs, and "WTF am I doing " meltdowns; occasionally a major step takes place that makes this whole thing so much more real and another nail in the coffin of the male perception of me. 

[Amy85]

...and "WTF am I doing " meltdowns...

I'll admit to having felt a few of those, particularly when I'm spending time with family or close friends. Hard to imagine changing myself so drastically when I am around people who have known me as a man for so long.

[Athena]

Both of you need to lean on the other, help each other through the rough times. I think that will bring you closer together and give you a good chance at making it work

[Dee Marshall]

Don't be afraid to ask for slowdowns, pauses and time-outs. At the same time, be careful to not let them go on too long. That will lead to resentment. Not a bad idea to set a limit when you ask for it, "can we wait a week to start that step so I can prepare myself mentally?"

[Stochastic]

My question is, does anyone have any idea when this all may settle? Does it, ever?

It takes time. We are about a year and a half into the adjustment period an one year since I started HRT. Not only does the individual transition, but the couple goes through a similar transition together at least from my experience. We are adjusting to our new relationship together. Both my wife and I have good days and bad days when it comes to accepting all of this, and many times our good days do not overlap. There are those moments when one person's worry feeds into the other, and it can be difficult to break the cycle. Getting through these rough times are a part of the adjustment/acceptance/transitioning process. It is not always a burden in that we have many great days together and these times are wonderful. I do feel that this process is drawing us closer as a couple.