Hello From Arridzona

[Tris]

Hello everyone, my name is Tris. I'm pretty new to all of this and was directed here by one of my friends who is MtF. I know I'm definitely non-binary in some way but the exact term for what I am became so difficult to get a bead on I started to get a headache and just decided not to call myself anything for now. While the way I feel has always been a strange itch in the back of my brain since I was little manifesting itself in my dreams I never gave any thought to it since I did stereotypically boy and girl things as a kid and no one batted an eyelash. It started getting more difficult to ignore after puberty set in. Last year it started getting more pronounced and went into overdrive this year at the worst possible time. It's the distinct feeling of being male and female at the same time all the time. There's never any switching between the two and because neither fits into any preconceived notions of what male and female should be the only way I can tell it's both is because of the discomfort I feel looking at myself in the mirror and feeling like some parts are configured wrong and some are missing. Beyond that things start getting a bit difficult to explain.

I'm very much into women though admittedly for two separate yet non conflicting reasons. I'm often mistaken for being significantly younger than I am which is both flattering and problematic. While I'm male physically I'm not very masculine and at 5'5 I'm not going to be reaching the top shelf anytime soon. I've mentioned my feelings to my girlfriend  a couple times before during conversation unaware of what was going on so I suppose I've come out to her technically 3 times now. I have transgender friends but never really gave any thought to my own gender identity until things started getting strange at random times and I reached out to one of them for help and here I am. I know I want to transition and have a more feminine figure but in order for one part of me to get what it wants I fear I'd end up hurting the other which makes things worse. I have no issues with being referred to as him or her and to be honest anything else would personally make me feel more alien than I already do. I've settled a bit more into the notion that I'm different but I still experience a lot of fear in this fact since I'm now a minority inside another minority.  So all the problems I've had to deal with I feel might be compounded on and the stress is intense. At the risk of this becoming even more long winded I guess I'm just looking for someplace that can answer my questions since right now everything is in the air. I can't say how involved I'll be on the site but after lurking for almost the past month it seems welcoming. Nevertheless I hope everyone is having a wonderful stress free day.

[V M]

Hi Tris 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

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Hugs

V M

[mrs izzy]

Tris,
Welcome to Susan's Family
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write.
Many article of news, wiki, links ,minecraft and chat
Safe passage on your path.
Je suis un être humain, Popcorn?
Hugs

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome *hugs*

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185096.msg1646042.html#msg1646042

I'd say take the time you need... its a process, but many gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

Well what comes to mind is androgynous... meaning literally both man and woman...
and, well this is seperate from what you feel you would like bodywise...
you might look up the genderbread person, its explained there...
just take your time...

And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a clearer view on a few things....


hugs

[Athena]

Hi Tris welcome to Susan's. I think you would do well discussing matters with a qualified gender therapist. In the meantime I hope you find answers you need here.

[Tris]

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond but all the same thank you everyone for the warm welcome.

[Mariah]

Hi Tris, welcome to Susans. I look forward to seeing you around the site. Good Luck and Hugs
Mariah