Not actually weird, guess a better word should be depressing, but didn't really find myself depressed.
A friend I have been talking to for over a year finally emailed me and said not to email him again because he wouldn't reply. Not too bad on that one since I figured it would happen eventually. Still a bit shocking, but guess I didn't really need him anymore for the same reasons we started talking, more of was there to keep me from completely hiding in my room for the rest of my life.
Anyways, sadly my grandmother passed away last week, so it has been weird concerning my family, most of my family is sad about it, my only regret is that she never really knew me I guess. Still weird around my family.
Ended up going to a baby shower on Saturday which was mostly just awkward for me since everyone kept asking me if I was okay, when the only issue I was having was that I didn't know half the people there(all my older brother's and his wife's friends, besides one guy, my uncle and my aunt + cousin), and I was extremely tired because I had made the mistake of only getting about 5 hours of sleep the night before.
Then Easter I ended up spending with my extended family, where I discovered it was probably a good idea that I never came out as trans to my cousins, turns out the cousin I thought was okay with it has that pretty stupid to me mindset of "If they have *insert genitalia here* then they can't be the gender they identify as." On the bright side, did discover I am pretty confident with my sexuality, while my cousins and brother were freaking out with the fact that they may be labelled as gay by some people.
Also discovered I seriously hate my aunt sometimes. Ever since like early last year she decided to pretty much make fun of my social problems by going in for a hug then saying "Don't touch me!", because I used to be uncomfortable with physical interaction(still unsure what to do about it sometimes). She still seems convinced that I am unable to interact with people, then when I try to interact with her she just seems so uninterested. I give up on trying to interact with her, I guess.
Anyways, even though the past months have been very weird for me, have come to the conclusion that I do not identify fully as either gender, fine with being referred to as a male since that is what I have been referred to as for my whole life, but still don't identify as that. Also don't identify fully as a female. So I put myself somewhere in the middle, or neither. Probably unlikely I will ever come out, at least until I am older, just to save from difficult discussions at this moment.
Sexuality wise, pretty confident now in the fact that I am most likely pansexual, though unlikely to come out to anyone unless needed(like if I fell in love with a guy, and my family saw it as a same sex relationship).
At least now I am pretty confident in my whole identity, and am mostly happy.
Now to add in random thing I found funny from Easter. Since my brother and cousins were talking so much about sexuality, and I knew already that most people do in fact highly suspect I am gay, I decided to say "Oh, I think I just figured out why everyone thinks I am gay!" Then showed them my phone case(Fault In Our Stars), and they suddenly started yelling at me to destroy the case and replace it as soon as possible. Honestly only mentioned it because they had mentioned our lesbian cousins earlier and I wanted to get them to stop discussing one of my aunt's problems(I guessed that was the last thing the family wanted to overhear us talking about).
Anyways, it is now midnight and I am supposed to be off the computer.
