Stealth girls,what was reaction of your straight boyfriends when u thrashed out?

[Evolving Beauty]

BOTH PRE-OP & POST-OP Stealth girls who took a long or VERY long time to confess to your boyfriends what you are. What were their reaction? How did they take it? Did he accept you or not. PLEASE INDICATE WHETHER YOU'RE PRE-OP OR POST-OP AND AFTER HOW LONG YOU TOOK TO REVEAL PLZ? I'm trying to calculate the rejection/acceptance rate based on others' experience whether the majority of straight men accept or reject.

[Zoetrope]

How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot - and your boyfriend was keeping a (significant) skeleton in his closet?

[pretty pauline]

The majority of straight men probably do reject women with a trans history, based on my own experience dating men, the majority of men I dated rejected me when I disclosed my history.
I'm post-op since 1985, living mostly stealth, I was dating my boyfriend for nearly 18 months before I revealed my history, I only disclosed because he proposed engagement & marriage, his reaction was shock & surprise, it was a differcult decision, we worked through it, he accepted me, he never know me as a guy, he only knew me and accepted me as a woman, he is now my husband, everybody's experience and situation is different, being post-op and only ever knowing me and experience me as a woman, was probably a big factor in accepting me. If I disclosed early in the relationship things might have turned out different.

[mrs izzy]

I stayed with in the community so I never had to offer up lies. Seems many treat our own struggling in life the same way society does. Damaged goods.

Me personally I would be up front, I would not want a relationship that is based on lies and deception. To much time invested to hold lies.

Oh what you are is a human with a medical condition since birth so why should you continue letting society treat you as anything different but human.

My Nickels worth.

[herekitten]

How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot - and your boyfriend was keeping a (significant) skeleton in his closet?

Sarah, this happened to me many many years ago in my late teens when I would spend the summers in Houston. I briefly dated a guy I met and he was myohmy HOT!  His skeleton/secret was he was a preop FtM.  We stealthed each other -- lol. He did not know about me and viceversa. Talk about crazy! Needless to say we became very good friends. The relationship did not evolve into anything romantic after that.  I've always used this experience to kinda gauge what must be going through a guys head.  They think so differently though and for the majority of them its sex sex sex. At least at that age it was.

Evolving Beauty - It has never been a huge issue. I do not tell anyone my medical background until I know and am comfortable with the individual and they have come to know me to a degree where they are introducing me to their friends, etc.  That would be about two - three weeks or a little longer. By the way they treated me it was no different than from when they met me. I've always felt I have a highly evolved sixth sense to guide me. There was always that small 'let me wrap my mind around this' look. I've dated men from different economic levels and social backgrounds if that means anything. Some wanted a casual relationship and others a serious one and I was the same way depending on the individual. I've officially been married three times, but the first one does not really count because I was not even 18 (whole other story) but I owe so much to him because my world opened up due to him giving me wings to fly (D - if per chance you are reading this -- Siempre). The first two ended but not in any relation to 't'. It was because of other reasons.

Based on your question, from my experiences, the majority of straight men are accepting. I hope you find answers to the questions you ask. I know from others, it is not always so easy and I often ask myself why. I am nothing special -- just simply a girl making her way through this world who finds herself in love with the most wonderful man I have ever known.  btw, I am pre.

[Rejennyrated]

Well I think you know most of this already 30 years post-op, always disclose up-front, bisexual, NEVER and I do mean NEVER had anyone reject me because of it. I've had more offers of sexual relationships from both sexes than I have cared to take up. I have also had two longeterm postop realtionships one of four years and one of twenty five years. Oh and I have dated both within the LGBT community and outside it and see no difference in attitudes.

Then again I probably won't date anyone who is not a professional (ie doctor lawyer scientist civil-servant teacher etc) and I would hesitate to date anyone who didn't have at least two university degrees! So I probably reject far more people than would ever reject me. Indeed that's part of my reasoning in being so up-front. If someone wants to date me, then to my mind they have to be WORTHY of that honour and that includes being open minded, successful, and respectful. endof!

I honestly think many people fail because they aim too low in life.

[Blush]

Mine didn't know at first, oddly it came out from a mutual friend, which I'm not even sure how they knew...

At first there was a question, is this real? Then there was a bit of diselief and all the thoughts about the stereotypes of transwomen and men that are out there. Then it grew to the realization that we're our own person, we're not a stereotype or group! Finally it turned to not paying attention to it, not out of a favor or some kind conscious ignoring, but it turned into not a thought. The only thing we're ever reminded of is that I can't have children.

[Katie]

if your a woman from the day you were born (meaning as long as you can remember) why would you considering yourself anything but that?

Otherwise put who says you must disclose this information to someone? You? Me? I don't think there is any obligation to provide this information. I am pretty sure the guy will have his own secrets he wont tell you.

Just saying because I think this is more of a mindset than anything. I'm a woman nothing more. Enough said.

[Rejennyrated]

Yes you certainly have a point Katie, all I can say is that for me, having first transitioned in childhood (and yes it did sometimes happen even back then) I kind of feel comfortable with the truth which is that in overcoming an unfortunate biological setback I achieved something. I'm proud of that!

Not many people of my age had the guts, determination, and indeed sheer guile to manouever everyone around them into allowing that to happen. I take considerable pride in the fact that age five I was bright enough and determined enought to do just that. It might be difficult for someone these days, when transitioning seems to be rather easier, to appreciate the sheer scale of the achievement, and if I'm honest I think it was more by supreme luck than skill, but I'm still proud to have been one of the first!