Nearly came out today due to a heated argument.

[Delyth]

I nearly came out yesterday to my wife in a fit of temper and the trigger was something stupid.
My inlaws had come to visit and they were criticizing me on various household  DIY tasks that I hadn't done.
I've been so down of late, my motivation to do other than the essential has been zero.
Anyway I blew up and told them bluntly to mind their own business and stop interfering. They left and I then had a huge argument with my wife.
My wife shouted at me "Why are you always so fed up?" and I nearly blurted everything out. I was so near. I had to walk away and take some time to myself for a few hours.
I've been telling myself I would make an appointment to speak to a gender therapist for weeks, but I've given myself every excuse not to. Mostly motivated by my own fears.

[ChiGirl]

Ooof.  I've been there: the lack of motivation, the edginess, the wanting to blurt out.  Get thee to a gender specialist.  They will help you sort things out and find a way to talk to your wife about it.  It's hard but you will feel so much better about yourself.  Good luck and hugs! Remember you are not alone.

[Mariah]

I agree with Chigirl get to a gender therapist as soon as you can because I wouldn't be surprised if you don't have more close calls in the meantime. The lack of motivation is par for the course. I'm not sure anything really motivated me for several months before I started to transition. It's clear your wife cares and is concerned and almost certainly I would bet knows something is eating at you. Good luck and hugs.
Mariah

[Melanie CT]

Oh yes I have been there. My motivation was zero. It has been like that for over 8 years. Just did not want to live.

I finally talked with my wife and feel much better. But I have also been seeing a therapist. Please do the same and it will help

Now just dealing with traveling out of the country tomorrow and I'm very anxious.  I think it's all tied together with the transgender part of me.


Please speak with someone and then when you are ready your wife. I went many years with anger and sadness inside of me.

[Mariah]

Melanie Good luck with the traveling out of country. It's amazing how traveling somewhere different for the first time as we transition raises our anxiety levels. Hugs
Mariah

Oh yes I have been there. My motivation was zero. It has been like that for over 8 years. Just did not want to live.

I finally talked with my wife and feel much better. But I have also been seeing a therapist. Please do the same and it will help

Now just dealing with traveling out of the country tomorrow and I'm very anxious.  I think it's all tied together with the transgender part of me.


Please speak with someone and then when you are ready your wife. I went many years with anger and sadness inside of me.

[Eva Marie]

Delyth-

The sooner you talk to a therapist the sooner you will find healing. I know that the thought of seeing a therapist is scary, and the thought of what she might tell you is scary, but look at how you are living now - thats scary too. The therapist will help guide you through the stuff you are dealing with now and she will provide insights from her professional training that you have not thought of. I had a kind of love/hate relationship with my therapist - i loved going to sessions with her because I got to learn about me, but I hated when she would tell me something that I disagreed with and she always turned out to be right 

The therapist is there to help you, not to scare you or control you. Don't be afraid of getting the guidance you need right now to deal with this issue before you blow up and say something that you may regret saying later.

[Delyth]

I've got to speak to someone, as going on like I am is doing me no good. My blood pressure is sky high. I am always tense and I feel as though I am going to break. I am just terrified as to what the future holds. I feel as though I am living a lie at the moment.

[ChiGirl]

Don't worry about the future.  Just think about getting a handle on how you're feeling right now.  That's what a therapist will help you with.

[Laura_7]

I've got to speak to someone, as going on like I am is doing me no good. My blood pressure is sky high. I am always tense and I feel as though I am going to break. I am just terrified as to what the future holds. I feel as though I am living a lie at the moment.

I'd say try to do a few things to calm you down... maybe taking a few walks... a bit of quiet time, enjoying a cup of tea...
and realize its a step by step process, you don't have to see all the end results now... just taking the next step, like talking to a therapist... the next steps will appear in time...

hugs