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transitioning (starting HRT) while wife is pregnant?

Started by cindy16, March 26, 2015, 08:29:29 AM

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JoanneB

Quote from: cindy16 on March 30, 2015, 12:41:03 AM
Thanks Joanne and mac1.

mac1, I agree with what you say about balancing everything that is important.
Joanne, I've seen the same message in some of your earlier posts too that gender is just one part of one's identity. Other things like relationships, career etc are also important. Hence my hesitation in rushing ahead with transition.
OTOH, it is also true that unlike something as fundamental as gender identity, all these other factors in life can be moulded / coaxed into fitting better with ourselves. That's what I am trying to do. Slowly but surely.

Regarding the original question, clearly there are huge risks but there is also some hope. We'll cross the bridge when we reach it.
Slowly is the operant word. After 5 years of working hard on not a balancing act but an integration of my various aspects into one whole healthy and mostly happy person. Yes, HRT helps, A Lot. But I am getting there.

Of course, if I knew I could pull it off with work for sure, pretty confident with the wife, I'd go FT tomorrow.

It' all comes down to feeling Genuine. 100% vs 90%
.          (Pile Driver)  
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                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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Aazhie

Hey, no idea where you are writing from as far as location and how safe you would feel doing so- but, is couples therapy with a therapist who specializes in gay/trans issues an option?  It sounds like you are both rational and reasonable people but it might be helpful for you to talk it over with someone experienced in this sort of situation?

I don't know many parents, gay straight trans or not that ever regretted their kids, no matter how bad the other stuff in life, including the other parent got! I feel as long as both of you are committed to the kid I wouldn't argue against having a baby, but I think it would be wise to wait until you both have figured out the whole parenting thing for a year or so before starting hormones. Pregnancy and caring for an infant is a major life upheaval so maybe waiting until the kid is about 1 or so might help?  It's a tough situation, but good communication and honesty will be your strength.  I read a book where someone's mom freaked out because she thought waiting for surgery meant five years when it only meant a year! So I think having a timeline that both of you are clear on, with some wiggle room for "what if" scenarios would make you both feel much more secure...
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash
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cindy16

Thanks Joanne and Aazhie.

Aazhie, we are in India, and I have had a tough time finding a gender therapist here for myself to begin with. I took help from a general therapist for about 2 months but then discontinued it when it became clear that there was a limit to how much she could help with.
I am going to start talking to a gender therapist online though, hopefully in the next few days. He has offered to do couples counselling also if we need it, but my wife is currently not open to the idea.
We are both absolutely committed to having a kid, though, and we realize how important it is to communicate and be honest with each other. Hopefully, that should continue to work for both of us...
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