going full time at uni, desire stronger than reason?

[Samantha6string]

5 months into hrt and I feel such an urgency to go full time at uni and finally feel happy being me. I live part time at the moment but with uni 5 days a week it's rare, to some I may pass, to others I guess they pick me out.
I'm not perfectly refined, my voice is far from what it used to be but still imperfect, facial hair is on the verge of being gone completely. I have virtually no dark body hair, its pretty much female pattern and always has been really. Hair's grown out and has a bit of style, fringe to cover my brow ridge, body shape has changed allot, lost a decent bit of muscle.

I feel as though I could wait months and months and months more and still feel as though I'm not ready in some sense, like I could pick myself apart still and think I'm too far from passing, forgetting that cis women look so different from one another anyway and I dont have to be a shining example of femininity to pass.

I just cant get over the feeling of being terrefied. It's never eased off and feels worse than it did before hrt, I don't know if it will ease off and I'll simply slip into living full time, at least thats what I like to think. Part of me thinks that if i went full time the anxiety and the fear will ease off with time as I became more confident. But I guess I just don't know, all I can really think of is how badly I want to just do it.

[suzifrommd]

IMO, a lot of women really overthink the timing of going full time. You don't need to wait for everything to be perfect. Sometimes it can be better to seize the moment and be who you want to be. Especially if you're in an area where people will be accepting. A lot is invested in being stealth, and yet I don't think the stealth women I've communicated with are any happier about their transition.

[Ms Grace]

I feel as though I could wait months and months and months more and still feel as though I'm not ready in some sense, like I could pick myself apart still and think I'm too far from passing, forgetting that cis women look so different from one another anyway and I dont have to be a shining example of femininity to pass.

A lot of people do this. Of course, you are ready when you are ready but some folk are chasing an impossible line because they can't see they've crossed it already or they keep moving it. I realised I was doing that this time - had set myself a "full time" date but felt ready months earlier. I threw caution to the wind and just jumped in - I was ready and I felt so much better as a result. But you need to know what feels right for you.

[rosinstraya]

Hi Samantha,

I would think that uni would probably be a fairly accepting place in which you could go full tine, and have the opportunity to be you, and find your real self. Obviously I don't know what it's like where you study, how people are etc. but it's often surprising for us how little most people actually fuss about us.....particularly as time goes on.

You are the best judge of when it's right, it sounds to me as though you're about to make that decision. If there's specific support at the uni, don't be afraid to use it, whenever you might need to use it.

With Easter upon us, maybe now's not a bad time?

I wish you well with your decision!

Ros