Advice with getting the right pronouns

[Pizzaparty78]

Hey everyone. So when I tried having my family use male pronouns with me last year, it seemed like they forgot or weren't trying, so I tried asking again/correcting them in the nicest way I could. My mom got defensive and was telling me that it was really hard for her, which I understand, but how else is she going to call me by my preferred pronouns if she keeps forgetting? She never did call me by "he" or anything, because I was too afraid now to say anything with the possibility of her getting upset.

Recently I told her how I want to start transitioning in some way (I'm still living with them, I'm a minor), but I'm afraid to ask to be called the right pronouns again because of what happened last year. Even when my dad did call me "He" the one time, it felt strange, even though when anyone else says it, it feels awesome. I have no idea what to do now, I'm getting real down about it.  Any advice would be great. Thanks

-Grayson

[LordKAT]

I found that gentle reminders and living the life to be effective. Don't correct in public if you can in private. Let them you know that you understand that it is hard.

The other is to have supporters to back you. One route that may work well is to ask them to see a gender therapist with you. Do this after talking to the therapist about how important it is to you and how it makes you feel. Sometimes having an advocate with some authority can make a difference.

Lastly, be patient and forgiving. It is very hard to know someone from before birth and then find out that it was all wrong. Changing a habit can take years, but will go quicker if you go softly, but firmly.

[Devlyn]

Everything KAT said, and I'll add that your job in this is to keep moving forward. No matter how small the steps are, you'll still be getting somewhere. Stick with it.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Pizzaparty78]

Thanks LordKAT and Devlyn. I always have lacked patience haha. I've asked my mom for almost 2 years now for a therapist, she says that she'll be calling about it from our insurance, but we didn't have much luck with finding one a few months ago, at least one that had some specialty with LGBT issues/Gender identity.

The main thing is making progress, like you said. It's time for me to take a step forward. 

[LordKAT]

A general therapist can help. If you see one, ask if they are willing to work with you on transgender issues and watch their reaction to the question.

[Amadeus]

I've found that a polite laugh and a gentle "He" is usually enough.  My mate Jan will get downright confrontational sometimes on my behalf.  I have to reign her in.  "Jan, it's okay."  I mean, I still have my moobs, so it's understandable.  [Seventeen days...mwahaha...]

[sam1234]

Its rough for family to change pronouns when they have been calling you by your body's gender all your life. It takes time and even then there can be screw ups. I'm twenty six years out and every time i travel to visit my family, my mother slips at least once.

In order for them to use the right pronoun, they have to give up the connection they have to their "little girl". Its kind of like losing a child. Its not a reason to stop going forward with your transition, but realize that it will turn your family's world upside down for a while.

If a parent slips up, a quiet correction is helpful as they don't really mean to use the wrong one and hurt you. Turn it around and imagine your mother or father coming to you and telling you they were changing their physical gender. Imagine your father "passing" and walking around the house in makeup and a dress. That sort of gives you the idea of what they are going through.

sam1234

[Pizzaparty78]

Wow Sam, I never thought of it that way. Thanks, that really helps me understand. I'm going to try to be lighter about it, I just now need to gather the courage to ask them soon. Thanks