Is there a generational divide in the community?

[Devlyn]

I notice a big difference in how we look at life based on our ages. It seems like our older members still talk about complete unacceptance, while the younger people find little difficulty in gaining acceptance and support. No one has to tell me the world can be a harsh place, but it certainly seems like it has changed a lot. Does anyone else have thoughts about this?

Hugs, Devlyn

[Jill F]

I had very little difficulty in gaining acceptance and support.  Most people IRL even like me much better now.

So, by this line of reasoning, I must clearly be one of the younger members here.   

[Devlyn]

You're 29 in my book, baby!  

I just see some posts talking about the horrors of being transdender, and yet when I look around I don't see it.  I see LGBT issues taking the forefront everywhere, and I wonder why we ourselves send such mixed signals.

[Mariah]

Because each persons transition and situation is different. So many factors can play a role in acceptance or the lack their of it. I have had nothing but acceptance until you include parts of my family, but then I'm in one of the more open and supportive states when it comes to LGBT issues.
Mariah

You're 29 in my book, baby!  

I just see some posts talking about the horrors of being transdender, and yet when I look around I don't see it.  I see LGBT issues taking the forefront everywhere, and I wonder why we ourselves send such mixed signals.

[ImagineKate]

Well my acceptance has been a mixed bag.

Wife doesn't accept at all and won't ever most likely.
Kids accept me but call me daddy at the most inopportune times.

Mom accepts me fully as her daughter.
Dad doesn't talk to me.
Coworkers who I've told support me fully.
My manager and HR do too.
My friends have been a mixed bag. Some are very supportive, even using right pronouns/name. Some say they "accept" yet don't even make an effort. Some are outright backstabbers who I've cut out of my life.

I am 36, I don't feel it though. I feel like I'm 21-25.

Physical effects? I'm off to a galloping start. I pass with ease now often in fact where I don't want to, like the pharmacy counter where the person behind the counter thought she saw a ghost when this woman (me) came up and her son was calling her daddy.

So, generational gap? Maybe between me and teen transitioners but so far so good. I can't say I fully relate to those who are having extreme problems with acceptance and passing but I try to be sympathetic. I mean that could have been me and I am grateful to be lucky.

[Jerri]

I am very happy just being me, I know I will not pass all the time, I have sustained my credentials from my past to give me a better position in life and that will create many encounters that engage my past life. I love being me and the wonderful changes that I am getting live through. It is ok with me to be a transgendered woman, I am proud of of who I am how hard I am fighting to allow this little girl to have a life. to move out of  the hell the other person was living will by far out way my concerns of what the others think of me. Most of the people  people in my life judge me for who I am today the ones that choose to focus on what I am...to bad for them.
just my spin on the whole thing Dev.
Jerri

[FTMax]

I'm not sure I see it as so much of a generational divide as far as age. I think there's a little bit there as far as younger people (myself included - 25) having this ingrained need for near-instant gratification and approaching transition from that mindset.

But I think there is a greater and more noticeable divide between those transitioning now as opposed to those transitioning in decades past. There are just so many more options available currently than there were in the past, and accessing them is much easier than it would have been before. It might be harder for those stories from the past to really resonate with more recent transitioners.

[katrinaw]

I believe generation does come into it, it's more around the acceptance of people close to you and their upbringing, I have not felt either way yet, but will, and I sense it will not be a fully positive outcome, but hey that's life. As far as passability goes, it's all about me, after all these years... Ho hum... I want to look as good as I can (finances permitting).

Isn't looking good part of our birthright as women?

L Katy

[ImagineKate]

The bigger divide I have is with those who identified gay always since they were little before they realized they were trans. To me transitioning is about me and my identity, not who I am attracted to. I can see how identifying gay before transition can make it easier to be attracted to men post transition (or women in the case of FTM) but it's not just who I was or who I am. It's cool to be who you are, straight, gay, bi, trans, cis but I don't think I should be viewed as less legitimate because I never identified gay. I feel though that there are some who feel that way.

[Lady Smith]

Starting out when I was 38 was hard, being young does have its advantages when making a transition.  My daughter started HRT in her teens which made her ability to pass without comment at high school and then later at university virtually a forgone conclusion.  Now that I'm older though and after 22 years of HRT I feel pretty much bomb proof.  I think being older when making a transition is tough at first because your body is fully masculine and it takes a lot of time for HRT to bring about significant femme changes, not to mention the business of getting rid of fully established facial hair & etc.  While we might have greater life skills and experience to sustain us we also have a lot more baggage to deal with in terms of established career paths, marriage partners and children as well as shared property.

I'm not saying the young members of our community have it easy because I know very well what my daughter went through and suffered with her own transition and life as the person she knew herself to be.  It's just that as an older person my experience of transition couldn't be anything else except different to theirs.   Twenty two years ago when I transitioned the world was a different place and acceptance of trans-folk was not as good as it is now in New Zealand.  Ignorance was high, some family members and former work associates thought I wanted to be a woman in order to have wild perverse sex or to go on the game.  As for the number of times I was either asked if I was or accused of being gay I lost count.  My male body was slightly built and wiry but with the sort of muscle you'd expect a truck mechanic to have.  Fortunately males in my family don't go bald they just go grey with a little thinness on top in their 80's so I had plenty of hair on my head which I'd always worn long anyway tied back in a ponytail because it just felt more comfortable for me to have it that way.  Even with that on my side I was plainly a bloke in a frock during that first half year until the hormones started kicking in.  I never could get the hang of doing makeup properly so I just stuck with moisturiser and lipstick rather than go about looking like a badly painted doll.  These days I don't even use lipstick and nobody notices anything out of the ordinary about me which is exactly how I want it to be.

[Rejennyrated]

A lot of this is luck of the draw. I grew up in the 1960's when you would expect very little acceptance of all of this, and yet I was able to partially transition with my family and school supporting that... although in fairness they just thought that they were letting me express my feminine side... It doesnt matter - it was enough to prevent me growing up with self acceptance issues, and feelings of guilt.

So when I fully transitioned and had GCS which was early to mid 80's I had remarkably little trouble. There was one work colleague who tried to make things a bit awakward for a while, and I think there was the inevitable bit of negotiation about toilets, but on the whole everyone was very supportive and friendly. Since when I've never encountered any noticable prejudice and I've enjoyed a pretty high profile career in a number of senior roles. I'm still getting the lucky breaks too at the age of 55, and being allowed to retrain for another fairly demanding career, so I do think it is partly luck.

By the same token I've always had a very modern take on this, in that I'm a decidedly modern woman, who does not acknowledge the restrictions or pressures that earlier generations might have done. I make no attempt to conform to any ideals other than those that please me, and I reject the idea that my history should be shamefully covered up, so I adopt the attitude I am me - I've always been me, I chenged my appearance and physical form a 30 years back, but i'm still the same person, so everything else is someone elses issue!

In short I make them come to me for approval and acceptance, rather than the other way about. For me that works.

[Newgirl Dani]

I never could have imagined how my desperate past could be a tool for positive change, but my absolute disregard for other people, complete social isolation, and total dependence on self reliance works well.  Keep in mind these are methods of coping that have been in the process of being cast off for years now, but the strength will remain.  My resolve did not come from the 'outside', and recently in a very nice way was replaced by way of 'acceptance' of others which now has turned into 'desire' for others.

Years of addiction, isolation, homelessness, county jails & state penitentiary, then 18 years of complete sobriety and self examination added to 9 months of transgender transition has yielded this: 

I cannot even begin to express how nice it is to drop toughness and allow softness. 

I think true revelations slices through generations.   Dani

[JLT1]

Money and location rather than age.

Having money makes it easier.   Certain places are more accepting.



Jen

[Matthew]

For me, apart from the odd deeply religious person telling me God made me to be a woman ect. , I haven't faced anything but acceptance. It has taken people time, yes, but I haven't found coming out terrible nor horrific.

Although, my community is not a religious one, and I'm in the UK, seems like from various things it's a lot tougher in the US compared to UK.

Things are definitely getting better, none of the younger trans people I know have been disowned by parents, which was common in older trans people I know irl.

[ImagineKate]

Although, my community is not a religious one, and I'm in the UK, seems like from various things it's a lot tougher in the US compared to UK.

This really depends on where. The USA is a huge place.

New York and California are not the same as Tennessee or Alabama.

Apart from the bigotry in the name of religion or "family values" or other such nonsense, I think we stack up as follows.

Better in the USA: Choice. In the USA we have a lot of choice in how we get things like hormones and surgery. No need to deal with the NHS bureaucracy and excessive gatekeeping.

Worse in the USA: Cost if you don't have insurance. It can get expensive. However, in big cities like NYC and San Francisco, there are LGBT charities who will help you out.

With regard to discrimination, we have no federal laws really, just reinterpretation of federal statutes. We do have state and local laws. In NJ I am fully protected from everything. Meanwhile right over the river in NY state, I can be fired for being trans. In NY City I cannot, thanks to a local city law. We have a patchwork of stuff.

With regard to acceptance, I work in NY City and live in NJ and I've had zero problems with acceptance at work among people I've told, particularly my manager, the CTO and HR.

[Devlyn]

I love how people always include Tennessee as a non-friendly state, when in fact it's home to The Biggest Transgender Support Site In The World

Hugs, Devlyn

[kelly_aus]

I sometimes see a 'generational divide' but not quite in the way the OP meant.

What I see is that sometimes the younger guys and girls don't have the life experience and wisdom that comes with being an older person, which makes some things much harder for them.

[ImagineKate]

I love how people always include Tennessee as a non-friendly state, when in fact it's home to The Biggest Transgender Support Site In The World

Hugs, Devlyn

I think they get a bad rap because they are one of a few states that will not allow you change your gender marker on your birth certificate. They also require surgery for gender marker change on DL/ID (Yes I know Susan is based there.)

In NJ you can do it with a physician or therapist certification (no surgery required) for your DL/ID and surgery required for birth certificates. One of the only things I like about this state.

[skin]

The only people that have insulted me as a trans person to my face have been my mom and older trans women. I always just assumed it was because I had it easier than them.