My mom found out i might be transgender

[JessieJ]

Hi, so as you all know. I am a mtf transgender girl. I am about 2 and a half months on hrt. I havent really told anyone except my sister and she hasnt told anyone, she said it is my choice to tell everyone else, not hers. I posted a meme type pic on facebook yesterday it said "Calm down, im just Trans" because i wanted everyone to see. i dont want to hind anymore and my mom saw it and mentioned something about it today. I didnt want to come out in front of my brothers, i stood there and my brother said oh it must be hes a supporter of someone trans, my mom said..transgender means being one gender and feeling the opposite.. THATS NOT You.. YOUR NOT TRANS.. I was shocked... shocked and froze.. I just stood there and didnt say anything,, I dont know what to do.. i want to tell her,, i really do.. Any tips/advice?? I need some help!

[suzifrommd]

I'm in favor of getting things out in the open if you don't think you're in any kind of danger. I would tell her matter-of-factly that you are transgender. I wouldn't describe your experience (and give her a chance to interpret it in some other way). I would simply say, "I need to tell you that I'm transgender."

If necessary, you can educate her. Make sure she knows:
* You didn't choose this. You were born this way.
* It's not going to go away on its own, and no one has ever found a way to make it go away.
* It's serious. Anxiety and depression are common among people who ignore it.
* HRT (and transitioning, if you want) is a treatment that is highly effective.

If she has questions, you can answer them calmly, but if she argues with you or says you're not trans, tell her that you don't appreciate other people telling you who you are and don't let it go any further.

Good luck Jessie. Please let us know how it goes.

[mmmmm]

You will obviously need to tell at some point... why not now?

[Seemenow]

She hasnt noticed any change in your appearance from Hrt? I think you shoud just tell her.

We are getting more recognition and visibility than ever now. If theres ever been a time for a trans person to come out and educate, be happy, and live in their truth its NOW!!!

[awilliams1701]

My parents and one of my sisters accepted me when I told them. I waited a while to tell my other two sisters but they ultimately rejected me. I attempted to soften the blow in every way I could think of, but everything I tried only made them mad at me. They knew I was an LGBT+ ally and they didn't approve of that. I was trying to show them how it can all work out and they just got mad. In the end they rejected me. It didn't matter if I told them when I told my parents or when I eventually told them. They were going to reject me no matter what. The good news is that one of them has made efforts to begin the healing process and this was all done and over with before starting HRT. I didn't know if I was going to be overwhelmed by HRT or not. Turns out I wasn't. With any luck things will be better with both of them by the time I'm ready (financially since I'm ready right now) for SRS. Its not worth delaying a bad reaction when its going to be bad either way. Its best to come clean now.

[awilliams1701]

At 2½ months? Its possible but not likely. At 4½ months my breasts are the biggest change and they are barely visible.

She hasnt noticed any change in your appearance from Hrt? I think you shoud just tell her.

We are getting more recognition and visibility than ever now. If theres ever been a time for a trans person to come out and educate, be happy, and live in their truth its NOW!!!

[Alexis2107]

Everyone transitions at their own speed.  My parents got suspicious when we were out and people would call me ma'am out in public and I would just smile and not correct them in front of my parents.  They started to snoop in my room and found everything (not that I hid it well).

That being said, you just need to come out and tell them.  It is the HARDEST.  I think what worked for me was leaving it out and letting them FIND it then ask me and I go "yes I am a woman".  I got rejected pretty quickly by my dad but my mother supported it.

I get called wrong name, wrong pronouns... so watch out for that.  Luckily I will be moved 2 stays away in a month and wont be bothered with my old life, old pronouns, old everything. 

Good luck!

[JessieJ]

Thank you everyone!!! She took it hard at first and was in complete denial and then i started getting very emotional~ i am on a high dose of estrogen and spiro. i cried! and she knew!! she knew iwasnt playing.. she hugged me and told me that she will always love me.. be who i am.. and she always knew i was feminine.. I am so happy she hugged me harder and said be yourself.. ill love you no matter what..

[Mariah]

Congrats, It's wonderful she took it so well despite the denial at first. Good luck and hugs
Mariah

[Devlyn]

Hi, so as you all know. I am a mtf transgender girl. I am about 2 and a half months on hrt. I havent really told anyone except my sister and she hasnt told anyone, she said it is my choice to tell everyone else, not hers. I posted a meme type pic on facebook yesterday it said "Calm down, im just Trans" because i wanted everyone to see. i dont want to hind anymore and my mom saw it and mentioned something about it today. I didnt want to come out in front of my brothers, i stood there and my brother said oh it must be hes a supporter of someone trans, my mom said..transgender means being one gender and feeling the opposite.. THATS NOT You.. YOUR NOT TRANS.. I was shocked... shocked and froze.. I just stood there and didnt say anything,, I dont know what to do.. i want to tell her,, i really do.. Any tips/advice?? I need some help!

Freezing up is fine, it gives you experience in what not to do!    Like Suzi said, just put "I'm transgender" out there. Trying to pre-plan a conversation after those words come out is a waste of time. Good luck!

Typed that up, now I don't need it. Congratulations!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Rachel]

I am so happy for you. Your Mom sounds wonderful.

[noleen111]

You should tell her.. it can go bad or good.. I hope good.


I remember when I told my parents, I was basically dis-owned.  I had no contact with them for years. My father passed away never accepting his daughter. After my father passed my mother reached out to me and we did reconcile. Now my mother loves having a daughter and we very close.

My mother said when she was pregnant with me, she really wanted a girl.. she wondered did that have an affect on me.

[stephaniec]

congrats

[LizMarie]

Congrats.

Parents and other close family can have very "locked" preconceptions about their child and letting go can be hard.

Remember now that your mother is going to go through a period of grief at loss of her son. Let her grieve, but also try to start building that mother-daughter relationship so she understands she has something else now, something special. It won't stop the grief but will help her move past it as she sees you blossom into her daughter.

[JessieJ]

Honestly yeah i love my mum. Shes not 100% supportive as i thought she would be. Yeah my whole family loves me and accepted me, my mom seems to be pretty much in denial. She was telling her doctor, my doctors brainwashed me, and im confused. I told everyone here, if she cant accept me, ill leave, i am not going to see another doctor for testosterone boosters, f*** that! ive come this far, this is me.  i said id be more than happy to leave..

[Cheska]

I would suggest a support group or something, Jessie. That could help her to come to terms with everything.....

[JessieJ]

Thank you!! We just had a talk.. over much needed liquor with me.. i said i dont feel comfy going to your doctor.. especially to talk about this..im just telling you how i feel.. and im good if i need your help ill ask.. i dont need another doctor..im happy. im fine.. just leave it be.. and she said.. okay..id help you whenever..so at least shes offmy back