Coping with office workplace- face and hair?

[ganjina]

Hello girls, how are you doing?

Am 6 months in with my HRT, very happy with it. The results are starting to stand out and make people glance at me or ask me funny questions. So in my work (my own company, I run a webmarketing and business development business) I see a lot of clients and way older executives and traditional or strongly religious people who might have problems with trans people. Anyway, for my work needs I think I need to style it into something formal or dynamic maybe, I can think of male models or sports players when looking for inspiration for what's generally acceptable in the office world. Am supposed to look mature and professional, not young girlish (I mean I love it but in the work world it does not help me).

Before someone asks, why "sell" part of myself like this? I think if i sacrifice something mid term now by giving this kind of painful compromises on the appearance side, I'll get big returns long term by continuing business as usual which will allow me to save money for FFS. If I blow all that now, I won't get any FFS money at all.

So here are some pics for the kind souls who would spend some time to evaluate, criticize or give advice. The suit and tie one is just a random try, not styled or anything, just so friends/e friends can check me out and comment  . There's also one of me with my kitteh.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/7dvgbye1obsb8xt/AACtJZlVVH4EICqegX4jcdXwa?dl=0

[saraht123]

You look very presentable to me and if I was in your shoes I would want to keep my hair long if I could get away with it.

I have mine in a pixie cut which helps me feel a bit more girly, but for work I can make it look quite like Boris Johnson's haircut. I figure if it's good enough for the Mayor of London, it's good enough for my somewhat conservative workplace.

I am also unwilling to sacrifice my income at this stage so I'm playing a game of how long can I keep this secret at work. At the least people will get used to me looking a bit more femme and it won't be such a shock to them further down the line.

[Wild Flower]

Your hair is too nice to cut.... i was going to say "the undercut".

[CB]

I don't see any need to sacrifice anything, especially if it's your company. Your hair is very nice I wouldn't cut it.
It looks feminine but tied back is very presentable even from a "male" point of view. Remember the problem with most men who have longer hair is not the length but how well its kept and styled.

[mfox]

I don't see any need to sacrifice anything, especially if it's your company. Your hair is very nice I wouldn't cut it.
It looks feminine but tied back is very presentable even from a "male" point of view. Remember the problem with most men who have longer hair is not the length but how well its kept and styled.

Yes!  That hair is amazing and you have really feminine facial features to work with.   I can't imagine you'll need FFS once you're further along.  You still have enough male features to pass in boy mode for now though, and you look pretty professional with your hair tied back.

Two major things that will stop you from passing as a male though; if you start laser for the beard shadow, and if you start shaping your eyebrows.  As soon as I started those two things, I got confused wide-eyes within weeks before I even started HRT. 

[Sammy]

Ummm, I dont want to put Your expectations down, but give Yourself another 6 - 8 months, aaand it will be become really difficult to keep looking representable in that suit (I sometimes need to wear that damn power suit and I get way more looks than when I am dressed casual). Your features have already on their way to soften up and it is only the start of it.
Otherwise - congratulations on nice start .

[ganjina]

Thanks for the nice comments  ! I am really enjoying this process. I am surprised by you ladies saying am presentable, to me it's suspiciously feminine (event more so after shaving and cleaning face).

I am also really surprised by the new possibility of being not passable in boy mode, I really thought I was halfway through or so at best, and cannot imagine that I am rather at the start, I cannot picture it in my mind, but it sounds so exciting  !

I guess am beting on being able to pay FFS somehow by this year, then just get back to business with the looks of a regular woman. Or maybe change industries to clients, partners or an employer who have no problem with it.

[Julia-Madrid]

I guess am beting on being able to pay FFS somehow by this year, then just get back to business with the looks of a regular woman. Or maybe change industries to clients, partners or an employer who have no problem with it.

Hi - as a corporate person working with many internal and external groups I have some experience here.  I think you may be surprised at the level of acceptance you will get when you are ready to switch. 

There is no magic formula of course, and it does depend to some extent on your sector and the countries/cities where you work. 

What worked very well for me was doing a pretty rapid switch without much transition.  I guess I was keen to avoid being seen as a boygirl creature, since I can understand that people might feel uncomfortable with the ambiguity.  So I turned up a week before summer vacations as a girl, did FFS a week later, and when I returned I was a full girl in other people's eyes:  I got a kiss on both cheeks from many male colleagues, and it has been a non-issue.  Some customers knew in advance, or found out via me, but their interest is foremost in a quality service, and they really don't care what's in your underwear

Happy to answer any more detailed questions you may have...

Hugs
Julia

[ganjina]

Thanks a lot for the information, it sounds great ! Am glad you had things go your way. Maybe I'll be surprised but I've got to be careful, in this country mindsets are a lot more "traditional" and the general atmosphere is not great. May I ask what sector are/were you working at?

[Christine Eryn]

Your story reminds me a lot of my own. A few years ago I needed a job to fund my transition. Sadly, I sold out to the corporate world and cut off my ponytail of 5 years, a move which I have regretted every day since. I work in a very very cis, conservatively thinking, don't want to hear about LGBT things whatsoever environment. My city has many global companies here with a business culture that does not take kindly to rebels like myself. I've worked along side a bunch of homophobes and bigots to know this.

Now I'm past the point of male fail and when I was recently purging my old wardrobe, tried on a suit and tie. It was a joke and I looked more like a drag king. I actually used to get compliments a few years ago when I wore such a getup. I think in your case, as HRT makes your face more feminine and you get hair removal, you'll be passible effortlessly. 

[iKate]

I wore a suit the other day and it looked kinda eh. I did pass as a guy but I looked really odd.

I get stared at all the time now in guy mode too, which I still do for work because I need to complete my name change before I go full time. Not a company requirement but I need to make sure my email and IM have my new name because 99% of the people I interact with are via those media.

[Squircle]

I personally think that rather than changing the hair (Pleeeeeaaasse don't!!) you should look at getting a suit that really fits you. The one you have on in those photos looks strangely big on you, in the shoulders I think, and it makes you look more like a drag king (I don't mean that unkindly and I hope you take it as a compliment). I think though that like mfox says, getting rid of your beard and reshaping your eyebrows will make it much harder for you to pull off looking convincingly male.

If you do have FFS, objectively I would say you would be best going for chin recontouring, adams apple reduction and perhaps a slight bit of forehead recontouring (type 1 like I had) and brow lift. Your nose is perfect and overall your face is feminine but with a hint of masculinity, so you would only need subtle work doing. Again please don't take this as criticism, I think you will look stunning and its more a case of putting your face beyond any doubt by removing any slight cues than any radical reshaping. I needed more work than you will, and I'm pretty pleased with my results.

And your cat is soooooooo cute

[AndreaLinda]

Jesus Christ, I'd kill for your hair LOL

[Julia-Madrid]

Thanks a lot for the information, it sounds great ! Am glad you had things go your way. Maybe I'll be surprised but I've got to be careful, in this country mindsets are a lot more "traditional" and the general atmosphere is not great. May I ask what sector are/were you working at?

I'm in the telecom sector - the side related to big engineering projects and large software and systems projects.  My person jury is still out on whether people perceive my competence differently after 9 months of being a girl.  Let's say I'm quite forceful about my opinions and don't take nonsense from people... 

[ganjina]

Again, thanks a lot for the kuddos and advice !! I'll just trim hair an inch to make it less messy and more "stylable" ! This other thread seemed really interesting regarding the workplace. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186206.0.html

I'll have to keep in mind that male fail mode is a definite possibility in the future, and act accordingly. I can totally see myself looking funny in a suit in the future, and as it was said before, the main issue is people being uncomfortable with ambiguity. An issue because the main problem really is to secure a stable income from trusting work partners for FFS. But then not so much of an issue because for the partners the main thing is usually quality and results, right?  We'll see how it goes. 

I think after FFS you can "just" face general women prejudice instead and move on a little bit?

Regarding the costume, it was actually refit to myself, I looked all right on it back when I weighted 40lb more. The sleeves could not be refitted due to the original costume not allowing it. Definitely thought about going to a taylor if I have to use these more often.

Hugs !

[Sammy]

You might look into some more androgynous suit, which is more waist-tailored. Though I have to admit, owing one such piece, it kinda makes me feel to look like a woman in suit even more so . God, I hate suits .