With some education, 'the world', imagine that! Then since I am homeless and doing my best to stay afloat, almost a brag that I cannot buy this with EBT, can't do this, can't do that.. Sure make me an example, doubt anyone has an alike situation forced upon them.
Thin me up!
I have severe PTSD, because I can walk the streets into a setup and every car, person is watching me. How will she react, why? That is a PTSD moment on top of PTSD, being normal is actually frieghtning! If I do this, then I am that. I deserve so much more than I recieve, especially since I am uber transparent that it would blow someones mind! Without words being spoken, abuse on abuse on top of abuse.
Why should I search and chase what people put out. I am obviously going my own route. If it was that important, just help out. Oh, a handout to grow into a outstanding person, how absurd!! This is America where you have to continously get f***ed over and work harder to achieve the minimum. Because everyone goes through this initiation phase!
These people 'secretly' talk. Whatever program I enter they will either be in contact before or after me! Stalk me to control me, predict where I am going and then gather information. What did I say, how did I say, body language, attitude, did I follow my usual habits.. Also to know my habitual tendencies and use them against me, that is NOT NORMAL! Go and study someone else, bet they would be pissed off!!
I make it look easy! So you think it is fine to keep doing it!
I am MUCH, I mean much smarter more adept than you think I am. So you can gather people who are obviously intelligent, but to aim them at one individual is hysterical! You got togehter to make one person feel inferior??
I am so blessed and going through all of this gives me more and more blessings, just because you can not experience through your five senses and I seem to be talking to myself and staring at the sky.. Oh, my words do not compare, they hardly even describe!
For safety reasons and the state of society being unprepared, I will bite my lips. Safety reason regarding myself, what ever I type, email, search on engines is usually thrown in my face, becomes a poorly ran social experiment, or believed that due to my mere curiousity that my focus and attention is so grasped by the current subject that I MUST be either blindly believing, creating some delusion, or not knowing that people mingle to make things seem a certain way but not everything is what it seems!
Sure I have been becoming more intelligent with the obvious, but interdimensionally.. Those do not know the half! I get here and describe the basics.. I am not a prophet, or anything to be held to a higher standard, that I believe.. but typing 'personally' I would just be a regular 'blogger', person on the internet..
Rules held over me are that I should feel sympathy for others who are in trying times, though my situation is literally forced upon, and that my struggle is irrelevant, besides the fact that the people organizing have probably never been able to handle what they dish out, and that many people do not know the full story of my pain but only 'get' what has been rumored through gossip, happened in their area or my small rantings..
I do not deserve and priviledge? Not even a dollar? I just hate everyone and everything.. Everyone else has been peaches and cream and I am just a corrupt fear mongerer (sp) who believes and enforces conspiracies upon others?
Because other people describe their esp abilities they must be more adept / advanced than I am, since they are comfortable as well as a productive setting obviously letting them flourish.. OH, but wait, you study me, watch me, and preach / teach about what Me, Myself and I am going through.. No one legally has my back, or can crack the overload of the code of silence that I just ultimately have to deal with it.
Yet, people enter my job, tell them I will fail a drug test, contact or disrupt my emails to numerous jobs, hold up transportation, lights.. And what, I do not deserve anything? This is better than jail? This is better than a deserted island (ok maybe).. Commercials, TV Shows, News, Movies.. But still broke and trying to be made a joke! Even Telemundo! Friends, Family.. Watiing for what, hardly even know the full truths to the whole situation!
Aside I have yet to meet my whole family, bond and make means with my immediate (if ever), time goes on as the sun sets.. Do not try and use my emotions against me, put me into psychological locks and go back to your comfortable lifestyles believing I am envious (not to everyone) and wanting me to think that I want what you got.. You worked hard and I 'expect a handout'..
My DEAD grandmother I never got to meet left me a will, with a little try I could go and find out.. Ugh, I hate admitting that.. But people do not know me.. Hardly.. Underestimate me, fine, your fault.. I always get it, often times predict it.. I should listen to millions but you cannot listen to ONE person.. Talking, scheming (sp), much, much more than you listen. Leave them alone.. Bullies, priviledged bullies. Taking advantage of a single person by manipulating a mass. Half truths, lies and moments of truth, but possible truths through a closed into a corner situation.. Get me?
Cold places, loud spaces, actors playing out a role.. The 'start when you are told' like an earpiece in your ear, or maybe on the phone?
Goooo, now! Or when she walks out the room.. Oh how smart are we, all of us for ONE person!
If I had the opportunity, I would have relieved my family/friends of their suffering.. First and foremost! BELEE DAT! No matter what animosity I held, as God as my witness and my constant companion, that is the truth, so speak for yourself..
How evil to want someone to be evil!
Also over the mainstream music and culture.. I am not a Panther or Hippie.. I think that is racist, stereotyping and blah,blah,blah..
I avoid public crowds because most of the time it is there for me to feel uncomfortable.. I seek privacy because I have none.. GET IT TOGETHER! How many for one light?? I actually dislike that it has gotten to this point, bittersweet, but if I do not, who will?
I do not strive to be the best, just the fullest potential I can create / bring about myself to be! Not running with the pack, label that thinking for myself!
Of course I have insecurities, maybe not everyone, but to repeatedly bring them out.. Harsh... Some stuff is actually generated by others and is not relevant or true to me.. I actually have depleted my insecurities to the obvious moments of utter emberrassment.. Has to be critical, not tripping or slobbering.. Not that I do slobber..
I am a person who enjoy a crew that is motley..
Eventually I will work towards renting my own place, buying my needs and diving into the areas of my curiosity.. Crystals, herbs, tools, technology, books, trips / adventures.. Just live life with or without the aspects and objects I put into this response post!!! School and my own place paid for 6months if I work towards it! So many plans I keep to myself...
Double talking, running area game.
Making me seem like something I am not, all of the sudden huh, all of the sudden!
Thank You
NAStradamus
Please no hype!!!
It is fine to just, LET IT GOOOO, LET IT GOOOO! Appreciate the efforts, but babe, I do not think it is going to work, I am not going to make a 'choice'. I can make my own decisions at the appropriate time, whether a year or more.. Give or take..
Throws me for a loop, everyone acts as if nothing is going on.. College maybe earn a scholarship with whatever NORMAL standards I must meet, a job in a career I have a passion for.. Relationships new and old that are healthy and honest (honesty is huge, no go, if you cannot keep it real doe!)
We are a pack!
Sacred sites for some avatar yah yah.. See I think for myself too!
