Because I don't want to use swear words on here, I'm going to replace all filthy terms with the word apple. Apple, apple, apple APPLE APPLE.
My mom called today. She's in the hospital. I'm living with my dad currently. She's wondering why I'm not at my grandma's, why I'm still at my cheating no-good devil dad's house.
Well, I reply, I don't have any good reason to be at my grandma's. I can do my schoolwork from any location (I'm an online student) and I'm more comfortable at my dad's. My grandmother won't accept me. And my mother is in the hospital, so...I'm not even seeing her on a daily basis.
She responds that my grandmother called me an >-bleeped-< for legitimate reasons. That I'm spitting in the face of God's creation or something, by dressing in dude's clothes.
I kind of wanted to avoid this topic. It'd just make me upset, ya know? But she keeps pushing it, and, me being the dumbapple that I am, I blew up and told her that I was born in the wrong body.
I'm such a applish jackapple son of an apple, ya know? What closeted teen in their right mind even comes out to a ridiculously conservative parent?
Now, I'm not dependent on my mother. She doesn't work. She's struggling herself, emotionally wise.
But, she has resources. Like my evangelical grandmother. She said she would get me help and support to "heal" from this temptation. WTAPPLE. What if they try to drag me to conversion therapy or something?
Not that I would go, of course. I have my dad's support and acceptance...he'd never allow them to try anything radical.
But I still wanted to have a happy relationship with my mother/family, even if it was sort of guarded. They're wonderful, loving people...just a little conservative. They truly believe they're doing me a service by denying my feelings, denying everything, trying to drain me of this inner maleness, or whatever.
I'm a stupid piece of apple...there was no reason to burden my mom with this. She's struggling with anorexia and doesn't need tension or challenge, ya know? I'm not trying to challenge or rebel against her. I just...in a perfect world, I'd be seen and accepted as the guy I am.
Pretty much broken off any loving ties with my mom's side of the family. Even if we smile our fake smiles, nod our fake nods...they're still seeing me as a confused, lost "girl," and I'm seeing them as narrow-minded straight-jackets. Both viewpoints are wrong, for the record.
This is getting too long. Man, I write too many "I's" and "Me's". Guess that goes to show how self-absorbed I am. Hmm...yeah, this belongs more in a pretentious journal entry than a forum.
God-apple-double apple. So, how was yer geises Easter Weekend? Do anything fun? Exciting? Meet anyone? You're all wonderful people, girls, boys, goys, birls, boy-girls, aliens...whatever. You're all beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, lovable people and you deserve to be accepted in society as those things. I wish I knew all of you people.
Don't let yourselves be crushed by the confusion, chaos, hate, etc.
OK, bye for now. EAT SOME CARROTSSSSSSS
