Choosing between transition and marriage?

[katrinaw]

Till now, I have purposely abstained from this thread, but, watching an being drawn in to it.

I am in the unfortunate position of being too scared to kill the relationship...

1) I knew who I was as a kid, but tried to conform, and succeeded despite fighting my demons
2) I got married, it was the "right" thing to do at that time (over 40 years now)
3) I had kids...that is what marriage was all about
4) I worked hard and provided for my family, had to put my desires, wishes and demons to the back of my head
5) I had grandkids, more complexity the family was expanding, desperately hanging on
6) Started HRT 12 years ago, assuming I would tell all and transition in a year, a year, a year...

Now here I am, can't fight myself anymore... but knowing my wife's trust in me and my families trust will be destroyed I have also now ensured that financially there are no debts and a home over my wife's head forever.

Apart from securing a new job, I am now ready to take that final step, am I scared, hell yeah, will I ever recover, no probably not, will I enjoy being who I know I am. hell yeah

Will I miss my wife, kids and grandkids, assuming the worst, more than you could ever imagine, I spend as much time as I can with them... feeling like a cheater consistently.

Am I sane... definitely, and I always wish I could turn back the clock... but what's done is done... luckily I have managed the pain, anguish and pretence of being male since I can remember, I think in some respects I have been lucky to be able to do that, but on the other hand I would not be in this awful position I am now if I had not managed it so well...

But I am looking forward to being at total peace and comfort with who I am after so many years... so that's a massive bonus... and hey my worst fears may not eventuate, right?

L Katy 

[barbie]

If you move forward, I recommend you just go slow.  Let her catch up with you a bit.  Bond through doing things together you didn't before.  Start small but do girl stuff together.  At least that was what worked for me.  I'm not full time but my wife has said she is staying with me.  We are halfway through life and our kids are almost out of the house.  At this point we are closer than ever and I am a nicer person.  So the physical stuff goes away.  She's not a lesbian after all.  We still cuddle, hold hands and kiss.  It's all I need.
Go slow, be kind, loving and let her see that you are a better person. 

Either way, good luck!

Yes. Going slow is critical. It is like driving in bumpy roads. Driving too fast can cause accidents.
I started wearing women's dress in 2003.
Nowadays, not just my family but all people around me accept it.
My wife is now very supportive of me, although she initially had some difficulty in digesting my ->-bleeped-<-.

barbie~~

[barbie]

But I am looking forward to being at total peace and comfort with who I am after so many years... so that's a massive bonus... and hey my worst fears may not eventuate, right?

L Katy 

Katy,

It is a tough and difficult question, as I have never been at your position (I have never on HRT, although I once tried to get prescription). As your kids are grown up and you already fulfilled successfully all of your duties as husband and father, you may be allowed to enjoy your own life. I guess nobody dares to object to your decision and choice. I hope that all of your family members will understand and accept your decision.

Since I started crossdressing in 2003, I have been very straightforward about my desire to my family and friends. My two sons will go to college soon, but I still have a little daughter who I love the most in the world. I still do not have any plan of HRT in the near future.

barbie~~