Hello!
I am the worst when it comes to introduction and social interaction but let's try and see how it goes (btw, not a native speaker, so if I type anything weird, let me know!)
So... I'm 21, and rather, let's say "confused". Since I'm 7 I identify more with the opposed gender I'm assigned with. Because of my family I always played how everyone wanted. More or less. I always tried to stay as neutral as possible. When I got 13, I kind of stopped caring and used feminine but rather loose clothes and it didn't bothered me as much it used. Except when I had "that time of the month". In that case it was always painful and emotionally stressful to me. Otherwise it was ok.
But as time passed, it started to bother me again. My body got VERY curvy and my legs got HUGE. my body became super feminine, and while I do agree that I'm very attractive as a female, it does not feels right.
The worst part is the current relationship I'm in. He is a sweetheart. I really love him. He have been with me for the past years and helped me so much with so many things, some quite heavy. However he is hetero and attracted to females, and doing the transition would mean the end of our relationship.
I talked with him about it and he was very honest and sincere with me. He said we wouldn't be dating but we could be great friends. I can fully understand him, after all, that's his sexual orientation and I have to respect that the same way he does with mine. (including the nickname I'm using, which he gave me in the case I did hormonal therapy).
The thing is, I think that my relationship is more important than hormonal therapy (I'm not blinded, I have thought about it several times and that was my choice. I feel happy that way), but sometimes, it gets into me rather hard. We are not doing well, though... If we broke up... It might mean that I will start to over thinking it again and decide to do the transition.
Which brings the second thing... I have some mental illness. Still have to find a therapist I trust (in the public health system. Bleh) and get the right diagnostic, but so far I showed signs of paranoia, chronic (but light) depression, anxiety and borderline, which makes me wonder if not identifying with my biological sex is caused by one of those things, and since it's a long term compromise, I REALLY want to make sure it's really what I want and not the problems I have wanting it.
I would like to get more info about it before making a decision.
And whoa, long intro is long lol. Anyway, I hope that I can get some more enlightenment about it, and hopefully talk with nice people from here. So far the atmosphere here feels nice! :3
