coming out question

[Robyn37]

I have been on hrt a month and a half now, and I feel amazing and now feel fully confident that transition is the right choice for me. I have come out to a bunch of my close friends and family and everyone has been very supportive so far. My mom is even coming around. I had initially figured I would wait about a year before living full time, which would give the hormones a chance to do their job and give me plenty of time to come out to everyone before my appearance becomes shockingly different. Everything is progressing faster than I thought, and everyone I have come out to so far has noticed changes. I also realized that I know a lot of people and its stressing me out trying to figure out a way to let everyone know what is going on before my appearance changes too much.

I really dislike the idea of people I know being shocked. I feel that my being transgender is shocking enough, but when I look like a woman I think that added shock may be too much. So I thought about coming out on facebook. I went through a couple months ago and deleted everyone I really dont care about. I feel like I could knock it out in one fell swoop, give people a chance to talk openly with me, and even have a chance to view my blog to get more info. It would also be nice to get rid of this stress so I can focus more on myself.

I value all of your opinions and would like to know what you all think about this idea. I will also talk about it with my therapist in a couple weeks when i see her again. Thanks!

[stephaniec]

The fact that your determined to go this route I'd just do it and get it over with. I just deleted my old Facebook account and only have my true one, but I don't have too many people to tell so it's a bit different for me.

[Mariah]

I agree with Stephanie just getting it over with is sounds like your best route. I started moving people over 2 months before I shut down my old facebook account. I shutdown that account way sooner than I orginally planned about 5 days before going fulltime. Each of us has their own way and timing of doing this. If your ready, then go for it but if not then don't rush it. Good luck and hugs
Mariah

[sam1234]

Even though you know a lot of people, and want to let them all know, I think sitting them down individually is better than face book. Each one is going to have a different reaction, many will have questions and its a big change for them. There is less chance of them getting the wrong impression or coming up with their own conclusions. One on one gives them the opportunity of knowing that you care about their individual feelings, and they are less likely to go to each other for answers to questions they may have and possibly pulling away from you.

There were a lot of people between work, friends and family that I had to come out to because they already knew me as one gender, but most of them did have questions and most felt better after they talked to me about it. There will always be a few that are either on the fence or just get freaked out, but going that extra mile to be personal is worth it.

sam1234

[Ms Grace]

It depends on how well you know them. I told my closest friends face to face or over the phone. The next tier down I sent a personal message via FB about a week ahead of making a general announcement to everyone else. For those I couldn't tell face to face I said they could ask me any questions and sent them a recent pic seems to have worked well.

[LordKAT]

Long as you remember that facebook is pretty permanent. If you choose a stealthier lifestyle later, if could be an issue.

[suzifrommd]

I came out on facebook. Worked out really well. I'd recommend it.

Long as you remember that facebook is pretty permanent. If you choose a stealthier lifestyle later, if could be an issue.

Well, you can remove stuff from facebook and the security settings are really flexible, so you can decide who sees it and who can't.

[Mariah]

I came out on facebook. Worked out really well. I'd recommend it.

Well, you can remove stuff from facebook and the security settings are really flexible, so you can decide who sees it and who can't.

i did most of the letting know via private chat, but occasionally made a post hot some to come to me privately and ask.
Mariah


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[Zoetrope]

Hmm kay I'll give you my little experience.

I went FT the day I began anti-androgen therapy, mainly because the GD was biting was too hard at that point.
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The first couple of months were a big adjustment for me and my colleagues alike.

I also told my parents in a lovely letter at the same time.
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Going FT at work and in life benefitted me. Coming to think, it has now been 12 months FT. I'm totally settled and comfortable now, because I've had plenty of time to grow into it.

I've also grown *along with it*, I suppose. Being 'out' and living it while I was transitioning ... has allowed me to freely express what is going on with me and how I feel. That has really helped.
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The parents didn't react fantastically well. We did not speak for a year. Mainly because for a long time, they couldn't accept it.

In the past month though, we have reunited. All of a sudden things are fine.

I thought Mum said it well. She said that 'when you weren't around, I couldn't picture it or understand it - but now you are here, it's not as confronting, because it's obviously you'
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So I guess that for me ... being out there sooner rather than later made for a sharp learning curve - but now, at 9 months transition, I'm well and truly used to and loving my new life.

Not to mention, that everyone is well familiar with the new me - and have forgotten the old!

[Robyn37]

Wow thank you so much for the advice ladies! I asked my parents what they thought too. My mom got mad and yelled at me and left the room (guess she isnt coming around as well as I thought). My dad was awesome and helped me figure out there are still a few people left I should see and tell in person. I will wait until after I have talked to them. Thanks again, hugs!

[Ellesmira the Duck]

Your dad seems to have the right idea, make sure everyone who you feel is important/might be seriously offended that you didn't bring it up with them is told first before making a public statement. I personally just started telling people one or two at a time, though after the first few of my friends found out, word spread to the others pretty quickly. My only caution with facebook is risk for potential employeers. I almost did come out on facebook but I know employers look at that way more often now, and I didn't want it used against me. I hope your mom comes around before too long, but it seems like you're well on your way. Also you may want to go full time before you hit your 1 year mark. I took a vacation over a summer and presented female the whole week and never wanted to go back (and only 3months on hormones at the time) =P

[Robyn37]

Thanks Ellesmira! I recently quit my job and I will start school in the fall, so im not worried about employment for a few years. Once I start FT I will be deleting my current facebook and making a new one. As for going FT early, I have been considering it. My facial hair is my biggest concern right now, I still have a few months of electrolysis left before I think I will be comfortable. Other than that I am getting impatient lol!

[Emileeeee]

I'd tell those closest to you in person, then if you feel the need to tell the rest, that can happen on Facebook as you described. The reason I'd tell the ones closest to you in person is that they may feel hurt if they find out through the grapevine instead of straight from you.

I have a 4 year timeline myself and I can totally relate to wanting to just do it. I've been putting a lot of work into everything from makeup to voice and mannerisms and I really want to just put it all into practice. But there are no jobs in my area and my house will be paid off in 4 years, so it seems the safer option where there's no danger of losing my home.