Coming out to my mum

[AmberLou23]

I had always told myself I would never come out to my parents as I felt my relationship with them was drifting apart in time. I am their only child, I appreciate how hard it would be for them.

Not long ago, I was really on the tipping point. I was considering transitioning without proper medical help which I realised quickly was ridiculous considering trans healthcare is free where I live (UK). The only reason I considered this is because I was afraid of seeing a doctor. Seeing someone that can help me would be a huge uplift, whether I decided to transition or not. I am under 18 so inevitably - my mother and father would know.

Then, I thought... just how much my family mean to me. My mum has done everything for me. Where would I be without her? Luckily, she works in medical insurance and I know very well that she deals with trans stuff at work. Just would she be able to accept me?

A few days ago, I wrote her a letter. I explained exactly how I felt and told her how much she meant to me even when things weren't so good. I am yet to give it to her. That's the real challenge for me! She is away until next week so whenever I decide to give it her, wish me luck

I hope this made someone smile. This was a huge step for me, just writing my feelings down on to paper and hopefully the start of a closer relationship with my mother!

- Amber

[enigmaticrorschach]

I told my mother straight up on a ride home from school when I was 14. blew her mind but she just sighed and said if that's wjlhat you want and need than I'm all for it. I wish you the best of luck.

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome *hugs*

You might have a look here for a few thoughts, at this posting:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186045.msg1656237.html#msg1656237

Being in the UK you could contact the mermaids, its a group specifically for young transgender people:
mermaidsuk dot org dot uk
"We offer information, support, friendship and shared experiences."

They can be contacted via phone and email...


hugs

[Aazhie]

Hi there!  It is really tough imagining doing this without having not informed my parents. I imagine she might have some knowledge that could help you out- perhaps you could look into hormone supressents if those are allowed in the UK and you both think it's a good idea to wait??  Since you are young that can be an option to keep you from getting too disphoric for the time being and when you are an adult you can start HRT if that's what you are after.  I emailed my parents to explain- I feel writing it is so much easier and you can say a lot more clearly what you feel/need to communicate!  I cannot say how she will react but as you seem like a very reasonable person with healthy concerns I would hope she's much the same and would be able to love you as a child. I've had doctors and friends say how many younger trans people are often surprised by how accepting their friends and family are.  Things have changed a ton since the 80s and are continuing to change, I would say for the better.  A lot of that change is too slow, but any good is worth celebrating too!

It can be hard to hear these things about someone you know- I personally felt very guilty and sad when my friend told me she was transitioning because I felt blind and kind of stupid for not noticing she wasn't happy as a boy in high school.  I also had a crush on her (still do, her girlfriend and her are so beautiful, ha ha!) so I felt bad at the time for liking her as a male since that is the gender I am USUALLY attracted to, lol...

The free healthcare is a big bonus, I bet you can even find a doctor that specializes in transgender patients, or at least one with the experience! It's great to have that resource and it could make things easier if you need to move or require other treatments.  Letters of recommendation are always good to have.

I wish you the best of luck and hope to hear back soon