I may need to talk to my parents again

[jaybutterfly]

Lately my dysphoria has ebbed slightly, but the only family members I have spoken to lately have been saying things and doing things I dont like. Not long after my last topic about my success with coming out, things seem to have changed.

My mother has been throwing out the male pronouns more, and talking about me with them instead of addressing me by name. So instead of 'Joe' it's 'My Son,' or 'My Boy' and it's worn thin, even after we've talked about it.

She's also voiced that she doesnt want me wearing makeup or girls clothes at all in the house, and thinks 'because you like girls, why not just present as a well groomed male, and not so feminine?'

I think someone has missed the point somewhere. Any advice? Im unemployed and still sort of dependant on family support due to my depression and anxiety

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome *hugs*

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...

you might look up a brochure called "doh-transgender-experiences.pdf" . Only thing I would disagree with is page 7, where they state stress, instead many experience relief.
It states that being trans has biological connections, to do with development before birth which influences the sense of self.
So its not a light hearted decision, and there are many feeling this way. Its nobodys fault, neither theirs nor that of their upbringing.
And it explains some of the feelings transgender people have.

You additionally might give an explanation of a twin... you will be essentially the same person... like your female twin... with still the same sense of humour etc...

And you might look up the genderbread person.
It shows that gender identity, gender expression, etc are different things.
Its possible to click on the picture to see it larger.

And, well, concerning talking in general it might help remain calm and relaxed, stating facts and needs, without getting upset or angry.


hugs

[Rachel]

Hugs,

You may want to use reminders and hold your ground.

Being dependent makes the situation difficult.

Obtaining independence and being on your own would provide an ideal situation to be yourself.

[stephaniec]

really your best path would be to get that job and move out. sorry if that's blunt.

[jaybutterfly]

really your best path would be to get that job and move out. sorry if that's blunt.

I've tried working for the last two years. There's little in the job market round here and that which I have tried has just aggrivated my anxiety and depression. I've got another 12 months of study but IM working hard on my degree (as best I can) and hoping something comes out of that soon

[enigmaticrorschach]

i actually went done to my local workforce and labor office. they set me up with a job coach who helped me get my current job. i hate it but i'm working. maybe if you have a local workforce and labor office, you should give it a try and see what they can do. the official name is DVR (division of vocational rehabilitation)

[iKate]

I've tried working for the last two years. There's little in the job market round here and that which I have tried has just aggrivated my anxiety and depression. I've got another 12 months of study but IM working hard on my degree (as best I can) and hoping something comes out of that soon

Well in that case there is your answer. Grin and bear it, transition in stealth, diploma in hand become a butterfly and leave your past behind.

If I had to choose I would choose finishing school. I worked tough jobs including night shift and dangerous work (night shift security) so I could pay for college. If I had my parents paying I would have finished sooner and it would be less aggravating

But if you simply can't bear it, you need your own support, which means a job, potentially one you don't like.

So either option involves stuff you don't like. I'm sorry there is no easy answer.

[Cin]

Having a job means you'll have something to fall back on. Worst case scenario, you find out you can't live with them anymore and you want out, having a job definitely helps.

you could move out and then look for a job, you may have to do jobs you don't like, and this might set you back a few years if you have aspirations to do something else as you may have to struggle to make ends meet at first.

I think the 'smart' thing to do is to bear with your family for a few more months/years until you graduate/become financially independent and then move out. Unless, they're being totally unreasonable. Don't make decisions in haste, don't let your emotions get the better of you, do the 'smart' thing even if it means staying with your family for a while. Just try to ignore them. 

I'm in a very similar position Jaybutterfly, I know how it feels.