Starting Hormones without Family Knowing?

[wheeler0801]

I plan on moving out this year and would like to start hormones. I'm 19 and am currently under my dad's company's insurance plan. I have the means to support myself (and no, I'm not a part-time employed teenager who's math is based off of an unrealistic set of numbers) and cover the cost of medically transitioning, however how does this work with insurance? Our local Center gives consent to start hormones so I could get that done relatively quickly, however would this show up on their insurance, or would this be something that I could keep from them assuming I'm covering the full cost of hormones and not asking the insurance company to cover any of it?  i'm not trying to hide transitioning, it's something they're going to be knowing about, however I would like to start hormones before I officially move out so that I'll be about 3 months along by the time I move to my new city which would make me feel a lot more comfortable.

[enigmaticrorschach]

i would assume it will. are your parents like not supportive?

[wheeler0801]

(Sorry for the long post, I've included some background information on the events that have occurred which have had a large impact on the decisions I've made. This should give everyone a more clear picture of what I'm going through and why I'm going about it in this manner.)

No, unfortunately they're not supportive. I came out to my real dad as trans (my parents are divorced)** and he took it well for a little bit but then suddenly changed things and told me it was a phase and intimidated me in conversations saying I'd never be a real man and "have you even slept with a man yet?? How can you even know you like women?" (side note: I was with dating same girl for 6 1/2 years but they never knew)

I tried coming out to my mom and telling her I like women in highschool however when I did that she left and the subject has never been touched since. She is uncomfortable with it and will get up and leave the room if I bring it up so I can't even talk about liking women infront of her, god forbid being transgender.

The reason I want to start hormones before I move out is so I can get a head start and have the changes started so that I will be a little more comfortable meeting new people in my new town. I know I could always tell my parents I'm trans right now however I don't want to be kicked out of my house earlier than I'm ready to be, and I"d like to stay here as long as I can, but I honestly can't go on much longer without changing something.

**Background notes: I sent my biological dad an email coming out to him that my stepmom read. I haven't brought the subject back up again since then because my dad was very intimidating and cold hearted when we spoke about it after he had thought about it. I am NOT under my biological dad's insurance, I'm on my stepdad's insurance

**Extra note 2: When I sent the email to my dad I'm fairly sure he sent it to my biological mom even though I requested him not to because I know she's not accepting. This bring me to point #3

**Note 3: I believe my mom was sent the coming out note by my dad because when I had just turned 18 I cut my hair short and when I came home my mom had a meltdown. She cussed, called me names, and said things like "why do you hate me??" "You're so ugly" "How could you do this to me" and she had also mentioned "What?? Do you want to be a boy??" which I think means it's possible she assumed that after having read the coming out letter. The night I came home with short hair I was kicked out of my mom's house because she couldn't bear seeing me with it, and when they finally let me come home my stepdad scolded me for cutting my hair and gave me grief because "thanks to you, I didn't get any sleep. your mom was hectic and threatening to kill herself the whole night"

[enigmaticrorschach]

have you spoken to a therapist about your plans? sry attention just went out the window due to my adhd but i did get the jest of what your saying

[wheeler0801]

My mom had set me up with a psychiatrist. The thing is, when I talked to her she wasn't a help at all. I'm not sure what a psychiatrist is supposed to do exactly, but the woman I spoke to would just listen to what I was saying and nod, and say "it sounds like the only way for you to fix this is to move out" and that was literally how every session would go. The most progress i got with her was when she told me I should start taking hormones....but she wanted me to take ESTROGEN and not testosterone. So I don't really know if talking to someone is going to do anything for me.

[Jessica Merriman]

Psychiatrist's will only medicate you. Psychologist's work to solve the underlying issue like Gender Dysphoria via transition.

[Jenna Marie]

You can get hormones without using insurance even if you have it; you have to tell the pharmacy sternly NOT to bill the insurance company, or better yet, go to a pharmacy that doesn't have your insurance info on file and simply don't provide it.

(I did this for a year or so until I legally changed my gender marker, as I didn't want to be outed to my insurance and end up fighting for coverage of everything *else* they'd pad for, like thousands of dollars of endo and therapist visits. I don't know how likely that was - I'm paranoid - but in any case, they never did find out until I agreed to let the pharmacy bill them.)

[Jessica Merriman]

They can be pricey without insurance though, watch out for sticker shock!

[TransSasha]

(Sorry for the long post, I've included some background information on the events that have occurred which have had a large impact on the decisions I've made. This should give everyone a more clear picture of what I'm going through and why I'm going about it in this manner.)

No, unfortunately they're not supportive. I came out to my real dad as trans (my parents are divorced)** and he took it well for a little bit but then suddenly changed things and told me it was a phase and intimidated me in conversations saying I'd never be a real man and "have you even slept with a man yet?? How can you even know you like women?" (side note: I was with dating same girl for 6 1/2 years but they never knew)

I tried coming out to my mom and telling her I like women in highschool however when I did that she left and the subject has never been touched since. She is uncomfortable with it and will get up and leave the room if I bring it up so I can't even talk about liking women infront of her, god forbid being transgender.

The reason I want to start hormones before I move out is so I can get a head start and have the changes started so that I will be a little more comfortable meeting new people in my new town. I know I could always tell my parents I'm trans right now however I don't want to be kicked out of my house earlier than I'm ready to be, and I"d like to stay here as long as I can, but I honestly can't go on much longer without changing something.

**Background notes: I sent my biological dad an email coming out to him that my stepmom read. I haven't brought the subject back up again since then because my dad was very intimidating and cold hearted when we spoke about it after he had thought about it. I am NOT under my biological dad's insurance, I'm on my stepdad's insurance

**Extra note 2: When I sent the email to my dad I'm fairly sure he sent it to my biological mom even though I requested him not to because I know she's not accepting. This bring me to point #3

**Note 3: I believe my mom was sent the coming out note by my dad because when I had just turned 18 I cut my hair short and when I came home my mom had a meltdown. She cussed, called me names, and said things like "why do you hate me??" "You're so ugly" "How could you do this to me" and she had also mentioned "What?? Do you want to be a boy??" which I think means it's possible she assumed that after having read the coming out letter. The night I came home with short hair I was kicked out of my mom's house because she couldn't bear seeing me with it, and when they finally let me come home my stepdad scolded me for cutting my hair and gave me grief because "thanks to you, I didn't get any sleep. your mom was hectic and threatening to kill herself the whole night"

Geez. No offense, your parents sound like children worrying about their own feelings and wellbeing over yours. Anyway, yes you can ask the pharmacy not to bill insurance, and depending on the prescription, the price difference could be negligible or significant

[wheeler0801]

Alright maybe I'll go to my local center and see if they can set me up with someone to talk to, but without having insurance covering that too I feel like it could get expensive and I'd rather put that towards hormones and surgery.

And yeah, my whole life my parents have been very greedy/immature in how they handled everything. My mom became very weak after my dad left her and became extremely bitter. She would call him names infront of me while I was very young and would try and manipulate my brother and I to believe my dad was an awful person. At the same time, my dad took advantage of my mom being weak and would mock her parenting skills whenever I'd wear boy clothes as a child and said that letting me do that was her being a bad parent.

Anyways, I think this pretty much answers my question  Thanks everyone. The only thing I'm wondering is once I'm out of the house I don't mind putting it on the insurance and sending my dad money & covering my share. The only thing is, would there be a way for my dad to cancel the hormones or insurance for me?

[FTMax]

I go to a clinic that sounds very similar to what you're describing. They bill my insurance for the visits themselves, so I pay a $20 copay towards the visit. I usually pay $20-30 out of pocket whenever I have blood work done, and those bills get mailed to me about 3 months after the fact, so not paying up front.

I do not have them run my insurance for my testosterone. My insurance company requires a pre-authorization from my doctor explaining why I (listed as female on insurance) would need male hormones. I'm currently not sure if they exclude transgender care, which is why I pay out of pocket. I do not want to let them know that I am trans and risk losing coverage. As a point of reference, 5 months of testosterone and needles costs me $60 out of pocket. It is not a huge expense if you have a steady job.

I am planning to ask them to cover my testosterone after my future hysterectomy. Hysto's are kind of expensive out of pocket, so it's more worthwhile for me to pay $60 every 5 months than cover a bill that could exceed $10k.

Whoever your insurance is through can't see what you use it for. Just make sure you change your address if you move so that mail isn't going to your dad's house. My parents are nosy and would want to know why I had medical bills.

[Kova V]

Psychiatrist's will only medicate you. Psychologist's work to solve the underlying issue like Gender Dysphoria via transition.

Interesting, I never knew there was a difference.

[Jenna Marie]

Your father shouldn't be able to cancel your prescriptions, but he certainly CAN cancel your insurance, if he's vindictive enough to do that.  As the primary insured, he most likely has total control over who's on the policy (unless there's other circumstances like a divorce agreement or whatnot).

Incidentally, it's easily possible for me to go online and see what prescriptions have been provided to anyone on the policy I have for my family under my employer, so that definitely is possible with some plans.

[wheeler0801]

$60 for a bit of testosterone shouldn't be a problem, that's a lot less than I was expecting. I spend $75/mo on a gym membership that I won't be using once I move anyways so i could always just cancel that and use that money towards testosterone.

If I remember correctly California has some kind of insurance plan set up as it is so I'll have to look into that then. I think I've read about people covering hormones through the state insurance plan they offer but it might depend...

[MacG]

Heads up. 3 months is about when you'd get your first levels check. It might throw a kink in your plan to have to scramble to find a provider (endocrinologist, etc) in your new city right when you're also getting labs done and possibly needing a dose adjustment. Maybe you can start the process with a provider in your new city, if it's not too far and they're on your insurance plan.

[FTMax]

Heads up. 3 months is about when you'd get your first levels check. It might throw a kink in your plan to have to scramble to find a provider (endocrinologist, etc) in your new city right when you're also getting labs done and possibly needing a dose adjustment. Maybe you can start the process with a provider in your new city, if it's not too far and they're on your insurance plan.

Oh yeah. Keep that in mind: most doctors that I have heard of want to see you quarterly during your first year on HRT so that they can see your levels and the effects of the testosterone on your insides. After the first year, it seems to be once a year. So factor that into your plans logistically and financially.

[wheeler0801]

Hmm I didn't think about that. The new city is only about an hour away but I go there almost every weekend to see my best friend (who is one of the people I'm moving in with when I get there). There's a good endocrinologist there from the research I've done. If the time frame is like that and it'd be that much more of a hassle to switch doctors it wouldn't be hard for me to just begin by seeing the doctor in the new city anyways. BTW, our actual lease starts in July which is when I would want to start hormones, however I'm probably not going to actually LIVE in the apartment until august or September, so if mailing is an issue I could always have it sent to my work (they're nosy, but I don't really care if they see it) or too my new apartment. Heck, I guess I could always have my local friends in my current city hold the mail for me since we all live pretty close and they all live on their own already.

I appreciate the advice and the heads up on the blood testing thing!

[kelly_aus]

Psychiatrist's will only medicate you. Psychologist's work to solve the underlying issue like Gender Dysphoria via transition.

<sarcasm>All police officers will only shoot you.. </sarcasm>

That's a ridiculous statement.. I never saw my psychiatrists prescription pad in the 4 years I saw him and he never suggested any medication other than HRT. And many of his other patients have the same story as me - unless something was actually required.

My shrink and I did plenty of talking about my issues and the best way to resolve/move on from them.

EDIT: That comment almost made me smite you, Jessica, but I've settled for sarcasm instead.