so he told me he "chose" not to be trans* anymore

[infinity]

well, this guy i know facebook messaged me last night. i hadn't talked to him in a while, primarily because he's really creepy (like stalker-obssessive-creepy) and he has severely insulted me in the past. conclusively, i was only politely replying in the shortest way possible and dropping quite obvious hints that this conversation needed to end and needed to end now.

unfortunately, this dude knows about my being trans* (a few months ago, before he decided to disrespect me, i told him i was considering it [i had no-one else, but i shouldn't have trusted him]), and i guess he remembered because in this recent conversation he brought up that he used to think he was a female. he told me that from the ages of three to 13 he considered himself a girl. of course, currently doubting my own transsexualism, i asked him what made him realize that he wasn't trans*. here is what he said:

"well to be honest i did not want to be trans anymore so i mentally changed my self to likening just one specific gender. i mean i did not convince myself i chose to be male"

i called b.s., but just went along with it by responding, "no one sane wants to be trans*. was it hard to change yourself", to which he responded, "yes very but i'm skilled in the area of the brain".

i know that for some individuals, thinking that you're trans* actually is just a phase, but this guy is totally untrustworthy and probably the creepiest person on earth (trust me). plus, even though he knew i was trans*, he made a point of harassing me, calling me pretty and feminine, using female pronouns and telling me to "be the girl in this friendship" because i "have a man personality" (happy about that part, but that's it) and that he "loves me" (help! ). (i'm definitely going to delete and block this guy once i discover i way to not have my head chopped off by him if i do.) i mean, if he really was trans*, wouldn't he know how much that hurts and how dysphoric it can make someone? i even told him to stop and everything, too, but he persisted.

i just wanted to hear your people's opinions on what he said about "choosing" to be trans*, because it's pretty strange... and offensive as well. i mean, it's not a "choice"... thoughts?

edit: i blocked him.

[StrykerXIII]

If he "chose not to be trans", he was never trans in the first place. It was just a phase, and he's a douchenozzle. You need to cut this guy so far out of your life a pack of bloodhounds couldn't find him.

[infinity]

If he "chose not to be trans", he was never trans in the first place. It was just a phase, and he's a douchenozzle. You need to cut this guy so far out of your life a pack of bloodhounds couldn't find him.

yes, my thinking exactly. and yeah, my plan is to be rid of him as soon as possible!

[Jessica Merriman]

If he "chose not to be trans", he was never trans in the first place. It was just a phase, and he's a douchenozzle. You need to cut this guy so far out of your life a pack of bloodhounds couldn't find him.

Totally agreeing with this!! None of us choose this at all, period, the end. Definite nut bag or in deep denial. Either way, steer clear of this one.

[Julia-Madrid]

Hi Infinity Jackson

Why are you even wasting your time with this guy - it's not going to get you anywhere positive.  Just because someone interacts with you in cyberspace doesn't mean that you're obliged to recicprocate?  If this was happening in a bar you'd have walked (run?) away long ago, and rightly so!

I am strongly skeptical of his so called self-cure.  I'm not aware of any cures for transgender issues other than transition to one's desired gender, although I will accept that coping mechanisms certainly can exist which would permit a transgender person to live successfully without transitioning.  But it's not a cure.

Infinity, if you are looking for answers, my advice is to go somewhere where you will be attended to by healthcare professionals.  Facebook isn't the place for it.

Best
Julia

[StrykerXIII]

Hi Infinity Jackson

Why are you even wasting your time with this guy - it's not going to get you anywhere positive.  Just because someone interacts with you in cyberspace doesn't mean that you're obliged to recicprocate?  If this was happening in a bar you'd have walked (run?) away long ago, and rightly so!

I am strongly skeptical of his so called self-cure.  I'm not aware of any cures for transgender issues other than transition to one's desired gender, although I will accept that coping mechanisms certainly can exist which would permit a transgender person to live successfully without transitioning.  But it's not a cure.

Infinity, if you are looking for answers, my advice is to go somewhere where you will be attended to by healthcare professionals.  Facebook isn't the place for it.

Best
Julia

Couldn't agree more. A fine statement from another Julia.

[infinity]

thanks for the reply and advice, julia. you have a good point -- i definitely would have ran!

[big kim]

He's a wanker,don't bother with him anymore

[Ms Grace]

Just block them, get them out of your life.

I will say though that when I decided to detransition many years ago after my first attempt imploded I reasoned that I could force myself to accept that "I was born in a male body, ergo I was male so I just had to accept it and move on". I was able to do so for a number of years even though I constantly knew that I wanted to live and be accepted as a woman. To my mind of denial however that still didn't make me "trans". Sad, I know. My point is that people can chose to believe what they like, doesn't make it true though.

[ChiGirl]

I had a gay friend I came out to in college.  I thought he'd be the most understanding, but no.  He explained that he thought he was a girl because he liked guys, so maybe I should just try being gay for a while. 

Heck, even the years I thought I was cured, I would never have dreamed of telling someone else they were wrong.  Good job on the block!

[Ms Grace]

Heck, even the years I thought I was cured, I would never have dreamed of telling someone else they were wrong. 

Yes, same here.

[Remiie]

I went through a phase of about 5-6 years of forcing myself to believe I was straight and cis to the point where I actually believed it myself. Eventually though I had a wakeup call smack me in the face and I came to terms with things. I actually believed I could chose not to be gay or trans, what a joke. If he said he chose not to be trans hes either forced himself so far in the closet he believes it or is a lying creep.

[aleon515]

Perhaps someone has temporarily "decided" that it too hard and they are not going to transition (right now). We don't have a view of his whole life at this point, and don't know what he might do in his future. Perhaps someone could be "talked out of transitioning" on a temporary basis.

Not sure if he is really trans, but not sounds like his attitudes are not very healthy.

--Jay

[Atypical]

My last three relationships were with temporary trans guys.

Literally, each one of them was trans for x amount of time and then later dropped it. The sad part is that they were trans specifically for the length of time they wanted to be with me until I broke it off with 'em.

I hate to say it, but people will claim/use the title of being trans for some stupid stuff. It's sad, but true.

[aleon515]

So they couldn't be in a relationship with you unless they were "trans". Now honestly that's the weirdest thing I've ever read (okay not weirdest but right up there).

--Jay

My last three relationships were with temporary trans guys.

Literally, each one of them was trans for x amount of time and then later dropped it. The sad part is that they were trans specifically for the length of time they wanted to be with me until I broke it off with 'em.

I hate to say it, but people will claim/use the title of being trans for some stupid stuff. It's sad, but true.

[Atypical]

So they couldn't be in a relationship with you unless they were "trans". Now honestly that's the weirdest thing I've ever read (okay not weirdest but right up there).

--Jay

(late reply, hopefully that's alright)

Yeah. I have this weird thing where I attract fangirls and it's usually the sort who are into anime and yaoi. So they have this ridiculous desire to basically play out a real life yaoi relationship. Then they realize I'm not going to play along and they give up and drop the act.

...it's shockingly common, apparently. I've met a few other guys who've been through similar.

I also prefer masculine people usually, so that tends to play a factor. But they seem to confuse dressing up masculine/going by male pronouns with having a masculine personality? If that makes sense.