What do you think the % of the fact of needing a partner weighs on transition

[suzifrommd]

I needed to be a woman. That overrode all concerns about finding a partner. I figured I look at the partner situation once I got there.

It's been rough, but I know many, many trans people who have found a loving partner, so I keep holding out hope.

[Cindy]

I'm doing this under duress. My neck is being massaged. Mmm

And he can see what I post.

I wasn't looking for a realtionship, it just happened.

Sometimes when you don't look you find.

[ClaireIvene]

Aww, that's great for you Cindy! When did you meet your love if you don't mind my asking?


By the way Australia looks so gorgeous would love to visit the country when I enter the traveling hobbie later in life.

[Ms Grace]

It has 0% for me - fortunately (or unfortunately?) I wasn't in a relationship anyway so it hasn't had an impact in that regard. I've only ever been in a relationship for a total of one year so by and large I have lived alone. If I find someone great, if I don't then it's the same old same old.

[Cindy]

Aww, that's great for you Cindy! When did you meet your love if you don't mind my asking?


By the way Australia looks so gorgeous would love to visit the country when I enter the traveling hoppy later in life.

At an Art exibition. i was stunned about a piece of rubbsh that was presented, a guy asked me what I thought about it, I told him it was infantile crap. He was the artist. He asked me out for dinner since he thought I was the only person who gave an honest opinion.

The rest. History.

I came to Australia from the UK, alone. I had to walk my path, Australia was a long way from my family and my past. Enough said.


It s a great place. Nice people, accepting and I'm happy here.

[Ms Grace]

...I told him it was infantile crap...

[ClaireIvene]

Hahahaha! Nice story Cindy! Well, at least there ain't going to be no 'honesty' issues in your relationship... but seriously that's too much...


You: 'Man this person is a HORRIBLE artist, geez!'

Him: 'you think so, lets go out for dinner, eh... I like honesty.'

sorry just had to do my own little rendition for laughs.

[Girl Beyond Doubt]

My take on this issue is a bit completely the wrong way around, but may still be on topic.

Finding a (female) partner has always been something I felt I needed, but for reasons I may never understand it just did not happen. From my experience I had reason to assume I would stay alone for the rest of my life.
The more serious I became about my transition, the more I realized that I could be much happier living as a single woman than I could ever be as a single man.

The feeling that not having a partner would be more bearable if I would live in the role and body of a woman is what influenced me (among many other things, of course) in my decision.

One unintended but highly welcome result is that I may find someone after all if I am not careful now .
HRT, coming out and going full time have had a positive impact on myself I would never have anticipated, and I find it to be so much easier now to get close to other people. Because of that, sometimes I wonder whether I could have found happiness without transitioning if I could have changed like that while keeping my male shell. But the truth is that I know the cause for that effect, and there would have been no other way to get there.

[Wild Flower]

Honestly, I could say "Transition is just for yourself", "All that matters is how you feel about yourself" which I feel is true. But, I won't lie, finding a partner is important for me, and I'm 18 and young and apparently femmie so it's very hard. Aside from body dysphoria, this is probably just one of the many reasons that push even forward to transition. Gay and bi guys don't like femme at all. There are probably more straight guys willing to date a trans girl than gay guys after a femme boy. Seriously. Even if it's just a minority of the hetero community, any hetero minority is still bigger than a gay minority. I feel like no gay would date me, eva, as I'm to femme for their tastes. YET, I don't have a woman's body so no hetero guy would either! OMG It's frustrating, it's like being stuck in a limbo. So, yeah. Yeah........It's one of the big reasons for me. I feel like it's tabboo to admit this, but it's true for me.

You nailed it.

I get more "action" from bisexual guys... all my boyfriends were bisexual or strictly top gay men.

I have more flirtation with straight (desperate) guys than gay guys.... as a slightly fem guy. Supply//Demand.

[Dee Marshall]

I said 0-20%. I'm married and hope to stay that way. I love my Sweetie! However, I was quickly becoming nonfunctional. When I realized that I'm trans it became clear that I either wouldn't survive much longer, she would divorce me for the rages testosterone was causing, or I'd move into a new residence without her (a psych ward).

[Jenna Marie]

Well, I answered according to having had a "present" partner; I hope that's OK.

Losing my wife was the thing that scared me most about transition, and I would have tried desperately to stay a guy if that was the price. (I don't think I would have succeeded long-term, but I would have tried.) Fortunately, and I'm still grateful for her, we're still happily together now 5+ years post-transition.

[enigmaticrorschach]

i actually have to be honest. for me, loneliness is my biggies illness. if i can cut the loneliness out, than i'd finally stabilize completely. i tend to bark and bite which scares people away, in turn causes me to isolate myself away even further. so if i do transition, to complete the process, i'd actually really need to find a partner who really isnt scared of my bark or my bite. i guess you can say i'm one of those people who can't do anything by themselves. sure family and friends are great but nothing comes close to actually waking up and having someone else there just smiling at you while you were sleeping. just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine but also makes me wanna cry

[Ltl89]

Well, it doesn't change who I am or what I want out of life, so it didnt factor in my transition that much.  The truth is dating as a gay man would be much easier, at least less complicated.  Like most people, I want to one day have a family,  just differently from what was expected of me.  I'm a bit pessimistic that will happen, but you never know.   However,  you can't lie to yourself or pretend to be something you're not to find a partner.   I dont think that's fair to anyone involved.   But yeah, I will admit its a concern of mine and something I wonder about while not fully transitioned.

[ana1111]

having a partner and people who wanna date me is very important to me...and having that as a gay guy is just not what I want...if nobody liked me after I transitioned I don't know what I would do but thabkfully its been the opposite...no one wanted me as a femme gay boy but now its a lot easier

[rosetyler]

I don't trust women. I worry they'll either miss the penis and leave me for that, or they'll secretly fetishize my hated parts and use me as liberal brownie points ("oh, I dated a transgender lol I'm so open minded").

Are your views regarding women just things you're afraid of, or has it actually happened to you?  Cause there's lots of women who would be OK dating a trans guy.  Like me...no, it's not an offer!  I've got a trans girlfriend.  But even when I was still Mormon and thought I was hetero, I would have been fine with dating a trans guy.

I'll find that woman one day, providing that I can allow myself to take a risk and trust her.

Ever considered talking to a counselor about those trust issues?

I feel like no gay would date me, eva, as I'm to femme for their tastes. YET, I don't have a woman's body so no hetero guy would either! OMG It's frustrating, it's like being stuck in a limbo.

I am a cisgender gal and seem to be mostly into women, and my girlfriend is still pretransition.  Don't assume a guy wouldn't want you just cause you don't look like the average girl. 

Neither my girlfriend nor I were really looking for a relationship. It just happened.

[Cheska]

0%

I've had relationships in the past and I would like to in the future as well but transitioning is far more important to me. The prospect of future relationships etc didn't even cross my mind before I came out and was only something I thought about when someone questioned me about it soon after I did.

[JoanneB]

I have to disqualify myself on the poll. "Finding" is not my problem, "Keeping" is.

Much of my past life, the era in my 20's when I twice "experimented" with transition is a blur. I doubt that a life partner was on a priority list. Surviving, No, 1.

Humans are social creatures. We need that contact outside of ourselves to survive. I doubt I'd survive without my BFF, soul-mate and reality therapist. I know that is she left me, either by walking out or checking out; I'd be devastated, be self destructive, and .... Been there once before with an ex.

Being trans I've always been a very private person. To open up to ANYONE meant exposing yourself to hatred. Forget ridicule. Being a former fatty I can handle that. Fat jokes were nothing compared compared to the giggles, or worse, heard during my previous experiments with transition.

So, in a sense "having" a life partner is VERY important for me. This world is too grand of a place to experience it alone. One set of eyes is hardly enough.

[Sabrina]

In the short term, not necessary. The long term, however, I would like to have a partner that I can be my real self around. Could be either male or female. I'm starting to get lonely and jealous of one my friends who has a girlfriend.

[sparrow]

I've been married longer than I've been aware of my transgender status.  I spent a while being ashamed and hiding things from her until I absolutely had to tell or burst... but now I'm sharing every little detail that I learn about HRT, etc., and she's gotta be on board before I do anything.  She doesn't have veto power since it's my body, but I need her to have a hand in the decision-making, since I want her to be comfortable with it.  We meant our vows, and it never ceases to amaze me how much this process is reaffirming that.

[katiej]

Sparrow, I really like your way of looking at it, and I'm in a very similar position.  I answered 100% on the survey, because I'm married and keeping my wife on board is one of the biggest factors in what I would consider a successful transition...for me.

Honestly, the standard trans narrative that prepares us for the utter and total rejection of everyone we've ever known or loved (which isn't true anymore), is one of the things that kept me from transitioning in my early 20's.  I figured that coming out would be an automatic death sentence for my marriage.  But it's just not true.  A recent survey showed that roughly half of all serious relationships do survive transition.  And from my anecdotal experience, I've found that to be pretty accurate.  Keeping my wife on board is still far from a sure thing...but by treating her as a partner in the process, I have a much better chance of keeping it together.