Being transgender and issues with family.

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. I have, what most in the transgender community would consider a supportive family in regards to my being transgender.
Though, what most don't understand is that by no means is that any easier for me than say someone who was beaten physically, disowned, rejected by their family, etc, etc.
Yes, I have the support in the sense that my mom has paid for everything such as hormones, clothing, orchiectomy, and even partaking in the transition themselves...
Though, at the heel of it, they don't truly love me. They just are giving me things and sacrificing their own lives for me. They don't emotionally love me though the facade of the THINGS sure looks picture perfect.
I honestly don't feel an emotional connection with my family and always had felt like the alien though I stay, as there's some worth for me apparently. Even if this worth is just being a project for my family.
The point I am trying to make is all that glitters is not gold. I am VERY happy with having been allowed to be a female and have everything feminine I ever dreamed of, though it has and still is very hard emotionally on me to live in this family situation as well as any other types of family transgender people come from.
The common theme seems to be, the emotional love/connection is often not there. It is very draining and exhausting...
So what I am asking is, how is your relationship with your parents/family, provided they are still alive or in the picture?

[Mariah]

My dad died when I was 13. He tried to ignore what was wrong and with him being sick I suppose that came easy which is understandable with a long battle with cancer her had. My mom is supportive as are my siblings although I don't talk to my sister as often as I like but our schedules just make it very possible. Sorry that you don't have any emotional connection to your family. I felt the same in regards to my dad which I didn't realize tell my transition to the degree that was. I'm glad they are doing things for you. Some of us are not always that lucky. My mom in her own way has done that, but out of love. I can only hope that a better more loving relationship can grow between your parents and you in time and they see and love you for the wonderful person you are. Hugs
Mariah

[CosmicJoke]

My dad died when I was 13. He tried to ignore what was wrong and with him being sick I suppose that came easy which is understandable with a long battle with cancer her had. My mom is supportive as are my siblings although I don't talk to my sister as often as I like but our schedules just make it very possible. Sorry that you don't have any emotional connection to your family. I felt the same in regards to my dad which I didn't realize tell my transition to the degree that was. I'm glad they are doing things for you. Some of us are not always that lucky. My mom in her own way has done that, but out of love. I can only hope that a better more loving relationship can grow between your parents and you in time and they see and love you for the wonderful person you are. Hugs
Mariah

The only one I have the connection with would be my grandmother from my mom's side who actually died when I was only 11 months old.
I didn't actually even know my connection with her until about a year ago... She came to me through a medium. My life has started making sense gradually since then...
The thing is, she was VERY important to me, though this is something shrouded in mystery that I've made my purpose to uncover and learn as much about as I can... She is my light.

[iKate]

Dad doesn't talk  to me at all. Mom is supportive and loves me as her daughter (she said that and used the d word). All my family now know and nearly everyone is supportive. I feel the love and the general thing they tell me is that I'm still family no matter what.

There's no fake at all even my glam girl cousin wants to go shopping and to the salon with me. My mom says she wants to take me to the salon with her and start doing girl things. She saw the pic in my avatar and says I look gorgeous and started to cry.

[Maybebaby56]

It sounds to me you and your family have issues that go far beyond your being transgender.

"They just are giving me things and sacrificing their own lives for me."
"my mom has paid for everything such as hormones, clothing, orchiectomy, and even partaking in the transition themselves."

So they are investing in you their time and money, "sacrificing their own lives" for you, and that's not enough?

"The common theme seems to be, the emotional love/connection is often not there. It is very draining and exhausting..."

I wonder how it must be for them, sacrificing their time, money, and lives, and you not being happy?

No one can give you happiness.  That's on you.  It surely must suck not to feel loved by your family, but my god, they are sure seem to be trying hard to help you.

Earlier in my life, in my 20s, I went through drug addiction and prison.  I blamed the cops, the laws, the courts, and society.  Eventually I figured out exactly where the blame belonged - on me, and the choices I made.  After I got out, I got clean, rebuilt my life, put myself through graduate school, and built a career. 

Now in my 50s, I am choosing to transition, even though it may cost me my children, many of my friends, and my career.  It's tough. I was in a loveless marriage for years, and now that I am separated I spend many a night alone wondering what the hell I am doing.  Slowly, I have built new relationships, and have a few precious friends that accept me for who I am.  You can do the same.  I think you will be surprised how much strength you have if you believe in yourself.   

In my humble opinion, I think you would be best served by focusing on the support you get, and taking ownership of the choices you make.  You are responsible for your happiness, no one else. Be someone that people want to love.

With kindness,

Terri

[NotSure1991]

I'm very fortunate, my immediate family (mom, bro., sis.) are very loving! My mom has supported me through thick and thin, and transition is no different! I haven't told the rest of my family yet. I have only just recently started to transition but I don't see anything but love in the future. It breaks my heart to hear that you don't feel the connection with your family, buuuut, at least you are getting something out of it. That's terrible but..

[CosmicJoke]

It sounds to me you and your family have issues that go far beyond your being transgender.

"They just are giving me things and sacrificing their own lives for me."
"my mom has paid for everything such as hormones, clothing, orchiectomy, and even partaking in the transition themselves."

So they are investing in you their time and money, "sacrificing their own lives" for you, and that's not enough?

"The common theme seems to be, the emotional love/connection is often not there. It is very draining and exhausting..."

I wonder how it must be for them, sacrificing their time, money, and lives, and you not being happy?

No one can give you happiness.  That's on you.  It surely must suck not to feel loved by your family, but my god, they are sure seem to be trying hard to help you.

Earlier in my life, in my 20s, I went through drug addiction and prison.  I blamed the cops, the laws, the courts, and society.  Eventually I figured out exactly where the blame belonged - on me, and the choices I made.  After I got out, I got clean, rebuilt my life, put myself through graduate school, and built a career. 

Now in my 50s, I am choosing to transition, even though it may cost me my children, many of my friends, and my career.  It's tough. I was in a loveless marriage for years, and now that I am separated I spend many a night alone wondering what the hell I am doing.  Slowly, I have built new relationships, and have a few precious friends that accept me for who I am.  You can do the same.  I think you will be surprised how much strength you have if you believe in yourself.   

In my humble opinion, I think you would be best served by focusing on the support you get, and taking ownership of the choices you make.  You are responsible for your happiness, no one else. Be someone that people want to love.

With kindness,

Terri

Great perspective. Of course it's the hard one to hear, but yeah, I see where you are coming from.
Years ago, if I had been told this, I would've felt insulted. Of course, though I am incrementally learning this lesson.
I used to expect them to do what they had done, and still continue to do so today, but yeah. It all boils down to my resistance to being unloved by my family and then looking inward at my own emotional issues.
Nobody else can give me happiness but me, very true. Even if my family wants me to remain their identified patient, which they probably do it's all just a reflection of myself.
It's a very tough lesson to learn, but a healing one at that./color]