This may seem like whining about nothing to whine about, but I'm not sure how to handle it. My timeline has been to go fulltime in about 1-2 years. I'm still working on getting that stupid letter for hormones. I only present female at home with my fiance and at some friends' places. Occasionally I'll run up to the gas station in girl mode and once did it to the supermarket, but that's it. For the most part I present male every time I leave the house still.
Because I thought I had a lot of time to prepare, I only told my friends and not my family or job. I can kind of do my makeup and can't do my hair to save my life. My girl voice sounds feminine unless I have to say certain words like strict or practice. Something with having my mouth already compressed when I need to form an 'r' sound makes it sound masculine.
The issue is I'm not passing as a guy anymore and I don't know what's different. It happened a few times last week, all in dimly lit areas, so I thought it was the lighting. But last night it happened in a very well lit store where the sales person was maybe 5 feet away from me. I was presenting as a guy, without any medical transitioning taking place. It makes me feel awkward because I don't feel like I pass and strangers obviously feel like I do. Then I feel obligated to speak and I worry that my voice is going to get me a weird look. I don't feel mentally prepared to go fulltime yet, but since I don't know what I'm doing different to get people to gender me differently, I don't know how to put on the brakes.
