First (careful on those heels!) Steps for an Older Crossdresser

[CassieG]

Appeared in front of my wife wearing her panties and nothing else the other evening. She was pretty surprised after 15 years of marriage and 4 children However - it seems to have unlocked something in me which is very worrying / exciting in equal measure. I want to cross dress. I used to when I was a child - the usual borrowing of mums clothing. Had a brief attempt at getting it through at Halloween in my mid twenties which got derailed when my then girlfriend stood in open mouthed horror at me in full get up - with a tailor made dress, which looked really fabulous. I backed down. There has been the underwear, tights, pantyhose and night dress at our second home. It was always fun going to check the house for the night! But I've never considered myself to be a cross dresser - just a bit kinky. I think that it is possible that I have been deluding myself a little. As I said, I have this strong urge to do this and I have to say that in recognising it I am feeling more 'complete'. I am regretting not recognising this as a dressing thing earlier as I am now knocking on the door of 50 (although still a 16!) . The great news is that my wife is very supportive and 'get's what is going on'. She wants to keep this quiet as we live in a small town. We are also agreed that we do not want to expose the children to this - which I am fine with, I have nothing to prove. I have just brought what I think is a great red dress and am booked in for a full make-up wig makeover with some one who is supposed to be the best in the business and who will in her own words will 'stop me making some expensive mistakes' - let's hope so he he. I am very excited on one level but am terrified that I'm going to look a joke in dress. That said I am convinced that I must make this journey come what may. To not do this may prove far more damaging than doing it. Please wish me luck - I will let you know how things go. Much Love.

Sorry this isn't very edgy!

Cx

[Devlyn]

Hi Cassie, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm a crossdresser, and I approve of red dresses! See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[barbie]

Appeared in front of my wife wearing her panties and nothing else the other evening. She was pretty surprised after 15 years of marriage and 4 children However - it seems to have unlocked something in me which is very worrying / exciting in equal measure. I want to cross dress. I used to when I was a child - the usual borrowing of mums clothing. Had a brief attempt at getting it through at Halloween in my mid twenties which got derailed when my then girlfriend stood in open mouthed horror at me in full get up - with a tailor made dress, which looked really fabulous. I backed down. There has been the underwear, tights, pantyhose and night dress at our second home. It was always fun going to check the house for the night! But I've never considered myself to be a cross dresser - just a bit kinky. I think that it is possible that I have been deluding myself a little. As I said, I have this strong urge to do this and I have to say that in recognising it I am feeling more 'complete'. I am regretting not recognising this as a dressing thing earlier as I am now knocking on the door of 50 (although still a 16!) . The great news is that my wife is very supportive and 'get's what is going on'. She wants to keep this quiet as we live in a small town. We are also agreed that we do not want to expose the children to this - which I am fine with, I have nothing to prove. I have just brought what I think is a great red dress and am booked in for a full make-up wig makeover with some one who is supposed to be the best in the business and who will in her own words will 'stop me making some expensive mistakes' - let's hope so he he. I am very excited on one level but am terrified that I'm going to look a joke in dress. That said I am convinced that I must make this journey come what may. To not do this may prove far more damaging than doing it. Please wish me luck - I will let you know how things go. Much Love.

Sorry this isn't very edgy!

Cx

Probably I am as old as you. Yes. You can enjoy it, as long as your wife accepts.

You may need practice and will learn by trial and error.

barbie~~

[Gracie]

Hi Cassie,  I'll write more later as time permits. You are way ahead of me when I was your age. You will be spared the frustrations and confusion that I had, all that before discovering Susan's site in the '90s and, even then,not accepting myself until maybe seven or so years ago. I'm almost 75. Life could not be better with the support of a wonderful wife and girlfriend.  You are brave and courageous and so glad that you can be happy being who you are with the support of a loving wife.  Hugs, Gracie

[Gracie]

Hi Cassie,  Back again.  So glad that you posted.  Please don't apologize for not being edgy. That is what we need much more of, less edginess.   There is way too much edge! In my case, expressing my feminine side helped a lot to take the edges off, as well as to relieve stress.  I live in a rural community where people recognize your car.   It's a very hard place to hide and the culture is homogeneous and very conservative. They are good people, but not very open to different people like us.  My journey has taken almost 50 years.  Thank goodness, I am the most happy I have ever been. The acceptance and support of my wife, which was very traumatic when I finally came out, has been a large factor. Now, each week, my wife and I leave our community for day trips as two girl friends.We go to a movie, shop, and have dinner.  I am so lucky as to be able to pass.  The first days that I was out in public, in Las Vegas, I definitely did not pass and happened to be staying at a hotel hosting a NASCAR gathering, a cauldron of testosterone!  But there were no problems. I had two friends who helped to give support.  It is wonderful to just be treated as a lady. Sometimes I have gone out by myself and am quite comfortable going into stores and just generally being another woman. I do take some pains to dress conservatively so as to not call attention to myself.  I have a reasonably conservative hair do.  Good luck on shopping and developing a look.  In my case there has been a lot of trial and error with lots of errors along the way. But, it has been fun and has led to so much fulfillment and completeness.  For years, I thought that my yearnings to dress were temporary and that I would be rid of them. Guess this is typical.  Well, it has been so much better after I finally accepted that this is an essential part of who I am.  My feminine side has become stronger and stronger.  Good luck to you in your journey. As someone said to me not long ago, each of us has to find their way.  But, we are blessed to have a supportive community such as can be found at Susan's to accompany us. Best wishes to you for many happy times. Hugs, Gracie

[CassieG]

Thank you all so much for your support. It's funny isn't it - we don't know each other but you care. That's just a lovely thing isn't it. To just let you know where things are. I was having a bit of a struggle with feeling overcome by my feminine side and feeling very happy and euphoric for a period of days and then drifting into a malaise, and feeling very distant from it and bereft as a result. Luckily, on the advice of a good friend with some understanding of the issues I am facing I took the opportunity to see a clinical psychologist (yesterday) and spent the day in London. I have to say it was great. I think I am very lucky to have the friends I have. Although I got the time wrong (doh) I still managed to spend 40 minutes talking. The reason I feel so happy about this is that the psychologist was able to offer some real comfort to me. He thought the euphoric / bereft swings were really the result of not moving forward a framework to develop the expression of my feminine side (that does rather sound like business school doesn't it - well, tee hee!) I thought that to be very true - but in truth I had held things up to allow our appointment to take place. Anyway, he felt that my acceptance of the situation was very good, that my communication with others was healthy, that my support network was a real positive thing and that my plan to move things forward seemed reasonable. So, my plan is: 1. Get the appointment with the dressing agency to work up a look. 2. Buy a fabulous wig, make up and some more clothes. 3. Ask my friends in London if I can have a little wardrobe space and their services as chaperones. 4. Dress up, go out and see how it feels.

My worries at the moment are these: 1. My wife is finding it hard to understand why gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. She say if I want to dress and feel like a woman why do I not want to go to bed with men. I cannot offer a logical reason for that other than I don't find men attractive - so if you have any ideas on that I really am all ears and 2. My wife is concerned that when I give her a compliment on how she is looking it is not the man saying - love the look baby but the woman saying - I love those clothes (give them to me!) Truth is - it's both without the give them to me! only because she's a 12!!  No seriously - her clothes are her own!! But I want to be able to flatter my wife. Maybe this latter point is a time thing and she will understand that its all sides of be commending her.

Anyway. Big fluffy cloud of warmth to you all.

Cx

[Louise]

Cassie,
I am also an older crossdresser, at least 20 years older than you.  I also have a supportive wife.  I came out to her about 15 years ago.  We have had our issues with setting boundaries but have been able to work around most of these issues.

Your wife is having a hard time separating gender-identity issues from sexual-orientation issues.  Most crossdressers are straight males and most gays do not crossdress.  Part of the issue is that drag queens are the most visible subgroup of both gays and crossdressers.  Many people assume that every crossdresser is like RuPaul.  I am not that pretty. 

My wife appreciates my fashion sense.  Even before I came out to her I always helped her shop for clothes.  When we shop together she will sometimes remark that some item would or would not fit Louise's style.  We are physically very different.  She wears a size 4 petite and I currently wear a 16.  I can tell her that something would look good on her without her hearing that I would like it for myself. 

[Beth Andrea]

1. My wife is finding it hard to understand why gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. She say if I want to dress and feel like a woman why do I not want to go to bed with men. I cannot offer a logical reason for that other than I don't find men attractive - so if you have any ideas on that I really am all ears...

A woman can be a lesbian. And sometimes a woman (who is female in the mind) has a penis. 

I am MtF (pre-op currently), and generally people are ok with that, but when I say I'm married, they almost always ask, "So what's his name?"

"Oh, I'm married to a woman."

"But...if you wanted to be with a woman, why didn't you stay as a man?"

"Because I'm not a man."

*watches gears grinding as they try to wrap their brain around gender =/= orientation.*

Another way of saying this is, "Orientation is who you like; gender is who you are."

[CassieG]

Another way of saying this is, "Orientation is who you like; gender is who you are."


I love that. Sums it up really. Thank you.

[CassieG]

Dressing agency appointment today. It was just amazing. I would love to post some shots - but don't know how. I don't think I've ever been quite so scared in my life - but boy, it was worth it!

[CassieG]

Hi Cassie, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm a crossdresser, and I approve of red dresses! See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Devlyn - well here's the red dress. I hope you approve!