Graduation dress code is stressing me out...

[ReubenIsTheName]

Okay, so I got my letter about graduation yesterday, and it has a clear, strict dress code for males and females.  Males have to wear a white dress shirt, black or navy slacks, and black or brown dress shoes.  Females have to wear a dress or skirt, and black or brown dress shoes.

There is no way on this earth that I'm wearing a dress or a skirt, but I'm worried that they won't let me graduate, if so.  I don't even own a dress anymore.

Any advice from you guys?  I'm really worried about this...

[Alexthecat]

Graduation has nothing to do with graduating in a sense. I did not go to my own graduation but still got my diploma.

Wear your pants then a skirt over it and pull off the skirt right before you go on stage. Not like they do anything about it once you are walking across it.

[King Malachite]

Graduation has nothing to do with graduating in a sense. I did not go to my own graduation but still got my diploma.

Wear your pants then a skirt over it and pull off the skirt right before you go on stage. Not like they do anything about it once you are walking across it.

^ Agreed. 

And if push comes to shove, you could just wear a kilt.  :p  That's pretty manly.

[Ian68]

Okay, so I got my letter about graduation yesterday, and it has a clear, strict dress code for males and females.  Males have to wear a white dress shirt, black or navy slacks, and black or brown dress shoes.  Females have to wear a dress or skirt, and black or brown dress shoes.

There is no way on this earth that I'm wearing a dress or a skirt, but I'm worried that they won't let me graduate, if so.  I don't even own a dress anymore.

Any advice from you guys?  I'm really worried about this...

I didn't walk in my high school graduation for this reason; I claimed illness, and they sent my diploma (but it was through a home school association).  If you're being pressured to walk by your family, you have two readily apparent options:
1) advocate for yourself and others - if it's a public school, they can't actually deny you graduation based on this
2) either wear the skirt, or do as was suggested and wear a skirt over pants

Best of luck

[HeyTrace19]

...uhh, you are male, right?  So you will be wearing a white shirt and dark slacks with your black shoes!  I think the idea behind the dress code is that everyone is respectful of the ceremony, not to highlight the fact that people are either male or female.  Honor the code, as the man that you are...looking sharp and showing respect to yourself and others.  You have done the work to graduate, your diploma cannot be withdrawn because of failure to wear a dress...that is ridiculous!!!

If you are real concerned, explain your situation to a guidance counselor or advisor at your school, but don't sweat it.  Be who you are...and congrats!

[CursedFireDean]

My view is probably different because I went to an all girls' very southern school, but I'll give my input.

They used to just specify that it had to be white nice formal clothes. However, one year one girl wore pants, there was an OUTRAGE from the board of trustees and older parents/grandparents, so they began to specify that it HAD to be a dress or skirt, all white. My mother refused to let me try anything and forced me to get a white dress. I blocked out the experience, I honestly cannot for the life of me remember getting the darn thing, but I did at some point. I just changed into pants/shirt as soon as I took the gown off. However, it clearly wasn't THAT important because there was another (girl? Idk what their identity is, so I hesitate to say girl) who walked and wore a dress shirt and white slacks, and I didn't hear anyone complaining. They were allowed to walk and everything. And its not like its super noticable, after all, you're wearing the gown. Unless they've threatened to not let you walk, I think you can go for it, and honestly if you're not allowed to walk, is it really a big deal? I know at my school it was a HUGE deal to not walk because people only didnt if they got in big trouble, but at other schools I know its not exactly abnormal to skip it.

[Dante]

Everyone's advice is good here!

I didn't have this problem for HS graduation (since we had robes, as long as you were formally dressed under them you were fine), but for my junior HS promotion ceremony they decided to do black robes for boys and gold robes for girls, and I contacted one of the councilors and flat out stated that I would not be part of the ceremony if I had to wear a gold robe. He talked to the principal and I was given a pass to not participate. It kinda sucks I had to skip it (I don't personally care much--I hate being the center of attention--but my parents were disappointed) but I didn't have to wear the gold robe so it worked out.

Depending on where you live/what your school is like/how much you care about being part of the ceremony, this may or may not work for you. But if it's not potentially putting you in danger, it's worth a shot to talk to a school administrator and explain your situation and why you don't want to wear a skirt/dress. They might be able to guide you better.

[ReubenIsTheName]

...uhh, you are male, right?  So you will be wearing a white shirt and dark slacks with your black shoes!  I think the idea behind the dress code is that everyone is respectful of the ceremony, not to highlight the fact that people are either male or female.  Honor the code, as the man that you are...looking sharp and showing respect to yourself and others.  You have done the work to graduate, your diploma cannot be withdrawn because of failure to wear a dress...that is ridiculous!!!

If you are real concerned, explain your situation to a guidance counselor or advisor at your school, but don't sweat it.  Be who you are...and congrats!

I'm thinking that since I wore the male's dress clothes for our senior project presentation, and no one said anything, I'll be fine, plus we'll be wearing cap and gowns, anyways.  I figure as long as I look nice, they won't say anything, but maybe I do need to talk to a counselor.  Problem is, people in Mississippi aren't really that open or knowledgeable on transgender people.

[TayBay]

I like the idea of checking with whoever is in charge. Like what HeyTrace said, it could be more about "don't wear jeans and a T-shirt" than about gender enforcement.

But if worse comes to worse, it may become a choice between standing up for your identity, and getting to experience a traditional ceremony*. From there it's up to you to do decide what feels most right to you. 


*Fun Alternative Graduation Story: My high school was a "homeschool resource center" in a converted storage building in a small town. I didn't know anyone in my graduating class, because I'd actually been in college for the last two years (thank you, Washington State Running Start program). And my mom didn't care whether I graduated because my finishing college mattered more to her, but I insisted on it. So, my five-second ceremony was me taking a few steps in a small office, with just my mom and maybe one other staff member watching, while the secretary played a YouTube recording of "Pomp and Circumstance" from her desktop PC. Ah, the memories...

[Dante]

I'm thinking that since I wore the male's dress clothes for our senior project presentation, and no one said anything, I'll be fine, plus we'll be wearing cap and gowns, anyways.  I figure as long as I look nice, they won't say anything, but maybe I do need to talk to a counselor.  Problem is, people in Mississippi aren't really that open or knowledgeable on transgender people.

In that case, you'd probably be fine just wearing pants. But if you do decide to go to a councilor, you don't necessarily have to out yourself. You could make up some other reason you're uncomfortable with dresses/skirts. Self-conscious about your legs, don't have any skirts/dresses and can't afford to buy one, something along those lines!

[Jill F]

Have you declared your intentions to the school?

I see stories like this in the news all the time where the school freaks out over clothing.  It never ends well for the school after the press puts them on the defensive, whether they get their way (at first) or not. 

No matter what you do, you have earned your diploma and they can't withhold your future livelihood over standing up for your gender identity.   If they pull that nonsense, Southern Poverty Law Center, TLDEF, ACLU and Lambda Legal are your friends.

[ReubenIsTheName]

Have you declared your intentions to the school?

I see stories like this in the news all the time where the school freaks out over clothing.  It never ends well for the school after the press puts them on the defensive, whether they get their way (at first) or not. 

No matter what you do, you have earned your diploma and they can't withhold your future livelihood over standing up for your gender identity.   If they pull that nonsense, Southern Poverty Law Center, TLDEF, ACLU and Lambda Legal are your friends.

I haven't said anything to the school, yet.  I just found out yesterday.  I'll try and see a counselor tomorrow.

Yeah, they had this big thing a few years back in a city not far from here where two lesbians went to prom, and one wore a tux, and it was this big deal for the school.  Didn't end well for the school, and the girl got to meet Obama after all had happened.

Yeah, that does make sense.  I was always taught to stand up for my beliefs and tell people what I think. 

[awilliams1701]

I believe that by law they have to give you a diploma. So I don't think you have to worry about that. However meeting Obama sounds like a good deal. I would talk to them about it and then either not go or dress as the right gender for you.

I haven't said anything to the school, yet.  I just found out yesterday.  I'll try and see a counselor tomorrow.

Yeah, they had this big thing a few years back in a city not far from here where two lesbians went to prom, and one wore a tux, and it was this big deal for the school.  Didn't end well for the school, and the girl got to meet Obama after all had happened.

Yeah, that does make sense.  I was always taught to stand up for my beliefs and tell people what I think. 

[FTMax]

I haven't walked in any of my graduations. I refused to take a senior picture as well. IMO, the experience is not worth the extra money you have to fork out for the gown, invites, etc. You still get all the perks even if you don't walk. I just didn't want any record to exist of pre-transition me.

Talk to a counselor. I'd be surprised if they wouldn't let you dress how you want as long as it looks clean and professional.

[LordKAT]

I was a rebel. The girls in school said dress. I said no and went extreme. Who looks under the robes anyway.  I didn't wear skirt or pants. I'm not so sure you want to go to that extreme.

Anyway, you still graduate. You earned your diploma whether or not you actually go through the ceremony.  If you do, just wear the mens clothes as described.

[AeroZeppelin92]

My school had a dress code as well. I didn't give a ->-bleeped-<- and wore what I wanted. What's the worst they're going to do, tell you to go home? I wouldn't even bother telling them before hand or talking to a counselor. Just show up and tell them you eat it if they have a problem

[BenKenobi]

For multiple reasons, dress as male.
1. Because you're a male and that's what they said to do.
2. No reason NOT to since it's covered by the gown anyway
3. Should the school have a fit stand up not only for yourself but others. Progress doesn't happen when people are complacent.
4. Because a dress/skirt under a gown just seems silly. I mean, c'mon.

[ReubenIsTheName]

Thank for all the replies, guys and girls!

I expressed my concern to a teacher, and she talked to the principal.  He said it was fine if I wore men's attire.  (Which is good, cause I was gonna raise hell if not.)

The only iffy thing now is my gauges.  I told my teacher that I'll get clear silicone ones prior to, since they look much better in than out.

[Sea]

Good to hear, Reuben! Congratulations on your graduation by the way, enjoy yourself, brother.

[aleon515]

IMO, the gauges are not worth fighting for. Do the clear silicone, they might be useful for something else as well. Congrats on graduation. Happy for your "winning". When you win like that, everybody wins.

--Jay

Thank for all the replies, guys and girls!

I expressed my concern to a teacher, and she talked to the principal.  He said it was fine if I wore men's attire.  (Which is good, cause I was gonna raise hell if not.)

The only iffy thing now is my gauges.  I told my teacher that I'll get clear silicone ones prior to, since they look much better in than out.