Old pictures

[awilliams1701]

I was looking at old pictures in my phone today. Mostly looking for my dog, but there are a lot with both me and my dog. The pictures are only about a year or two old. Its amazing how much I've changed since then. My face was definitely fatter. I wasn't happy and it almost hurts to look at myself like that and see how unhappy I was. Then I cut over to more recent pictures and I'm not only happier I look healthier as well.

I'll try to post some of them later. I can't now on my work computer.

[mfox]

Old photos are really awkward to look at now.  I gradually put away older ones because they started triggering dysphoria.  It's sad that old, even happy photos with friends and family become painful to see.  Is it easier to look back at them when you're further along?

[awilliams1701]

I don't know. All the pictures I was talking about (I didn't get a chance to post them) I wasn't very happy at all. That to me alone is painful. Ironically at the time I felt pretty happy. My dog was a huge anti-depressant, but truth be told acceptance of my trans status ultimately was the requirement for happiness.

I suspect happy pictures aren't as bad, but I honestly don't think I have that many if any at all.

[Lady_Oracle]

Old photos are really awkward to look at now.  I gradually put away older ones because they started triggering dysphoria.  It's sad that old, even happy photos with friends and family become painful to see.  Is it easier to look back at them when you're further along?

Idk I'm 5 years in and it's still really triggering for me to see photos of myself as a teen, even childhood stuff is difficult to look at. I think it's completely fine though and I've accepted it. My past isn't something I won't ever feel great about. Those years were taken from me by dysphoria and depression.

[Ian68]

I mostly socially transitioned 15 years ago, and it took me until 2013 to look fondly upon pictures from before I was 12.  Now, I can look at them and it doesn't trigger any dysphoria.  I hate to see the sad pictures (which is a lot  of them even from when I was a toddler) but even those, I dunno, that was me, you know?  And I was just a kid. 

I think time from transition, and with childhood pics, parental instincts, definitely change how you interact with old photos.  When the clock started ticking, I started being able to look at childhood photos, haha. 

So, yeah, it gets better.

[Mariah]

The few photos of me that were on the wall I took down right after I started transitioning. I didn't start looking back at most of the old photos of me tell recently to start putting a video together. I hadn't realized it tell now but you can see the pain in my face in those pics. It's easier for me to look back at those pictures now only because I don't connect or even think of myself as that person. It's true that it may have been me, but my mind doesn't see it that way. So yes in time it maybe easier for you, but like with other things it may not be the same for you so doubt worry if it's not. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Old photos are really awkward to look at now.  I gradually put away older ones because they started triggering dysphoria.  It's sad that old, even happy photos with friends and family become painful to see.  Is it easier to look back at them when you're further along?

[Christine Eryn]

I was recently watching videos of me and friends playing basketball from around 2002-03. Very bizzare to know I am the same person. It's almost comical to see what a brave face I put on when I was in such denial a few years before I started transitioning.

[kelly_aus]

All the photos of me as a child and teen were destroyed by flooding a few years back and those that remain a few and far between and stashed in friends and extended families albums - a fact I'm a little sad about. After I left home, I tended to avoid the camera, so there are even less photo's of me during that time, something that also makes me a little sad.

And why am I sad because of the lack of pics? Because it's all part of my history, some of which is more than a little hazy due to lifestyle choices, so some pictorial references would be handy as a memory aid.

And hey, I made a fine looking dude - even if I hated it.

[Mariah]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your photos Kelly. I know I might not want old photos up of me, but I do know it would still hurt losing them altogether. Hugs
Mariah

All the photos of me as a child and teen were destroyed by flooding a few years back and those that remain a few and far between and stashed in friends and extended families albums - a fact I'm a little sad about. After I left home, I tended to avoid the camera, so there are even less photo's of me during that time, something that also makes me a little sad.

And why am I sad because of the lack of pics? Because it's all part of my history, some of which is more than a little hazy due to lifestyle choices, so some pictorial references would be handy as a memory aid.

And hey, I made a fine looking dude - even if I hated it.

[iKate]

I scanned a ton of them that my mom had sitting in a closet and they were fading away. Old stuff. Some triggering some making absolute total sense - the way I walk and look, even what I wore such as cap sleeve t shirts that I picked out because they were for girls and I wore all over places like disneyworld. I was more effeminate as a kid than I thought I was. I have very few as a teen as I absolutely hated myself post puberty and would shy away from pictures.

[PsychedelicSage]

I'm obviously in the minority here, but I actually love looking at old pictures of myself, providing I have recent pictures of myself to compare them to.

Yes I tried to force smiles when I tried to force myself to be a man, but you can easily see the pain in my face.

But I LOVE seeing how far I've come, from pretty much the ugliest man who ever lived, to a pretty darn gorgeous girl! 

*Started From the Bottom by Drake plays in the background*

[awilliams1701]

Before

[awilliams1701]

In both cases I was actually relatively happy. Notice how fat my face is when I'm first meeting my dog.

[awilliams1701]

Today:

[awilliams1701]

I've noticed I never really took all that many pictures. I never liked the way I looked. I didn't like myself, so when I got overweight I didn't really care. Now I do care and it made a huge difference. I'm taking more pictures of myself and wanting more pictures of myself.

[PsychedelicSage]

Wow, you've come so far! c: Congratulations. You must be so proud!<3
Here's a comparison pic I made today. Yes the pic is from 2013, but that was because before I began transitioning I beyond DESPISED the way I look and only took pictures when absolutely necessary. Nowadays, I take like a hundred pictures a week, no exaggeration! xD
Hold on to your hats, girls! 

[Aoife]

I was looking at old pictures in my phone today. Mostly looking for my dog, but there are a lot with both me and my dog. The pictures are only about a year or two old. Its amazing how much I've changed since then. My face was definitely fatter. I wasn't happy and it almost hurts to look at myself like that and see how unhappy I was. Then I cut over to more recent pictures and I'm not only happier I look healthier as well.

I'll try to post some of them later. I can't now on my work computer.

I know that feeling. A few years can make a huge difference. Sometimes I even erase my old pics completely because I do not want to see them. I am a move forward, take charge kind of girl.

[awilliams1701]

I'm not sure I like the idea of erasing the past. I have no intention of deleting anything. I still have pictures of my ex-fiance from 14 years ago. She was an important part of my life even if we didn't work out in the end. So yeah I still have pictures of her.

[Aoife]

I'm not sure I like the idea of erasing the past. I have no intention of deleting anything. I still have pictures of my ex-fiance from 14 years ago. She was an important part of my life even if we didn't work out in the end. So yeah I still have pictures of her.

I understand. I keep photos of important times in my life too. I think my comment came out wrong. For example if I change my hairstyle, I most likely will delete most of my photos with the old style like selfies or random pics I have on my phone. Just keeping the best of the best pics. Also I am minimalist type person. For me, clutter and I don't get along, so I am constantly organizing and reducing lol.

[awilliams1701]

I'm a digital hoarder. I have a LOT of old crap. Physically I don't mind tossing stuff when I'm not too lazy to toss it. But I'm hesitant to delete anything that was ever even remotely important.