Going to wedding/coming out full time problem?

[PrincessPatience]

Full time Wedding emergency? I've been transitioning for about 2 years and one year on hrt. However i haven't officially came out to anyone but my imitate family who keeps ignoring the fact that I'm trans and still haven't told my moms extended family that I'm not who they think I am anymore. I'm 22 but I stay with my grandmother (my moms mom) whose super religious and doesn't know I'm trans. She against gays so I'm pretty sure she's against trans people. We're not really close even though I live with her. I stay mostly up stares or out working. The only reason I haven't told her yet is because I'm saving up money for my transition surgeries and  and a name change but don't want to be kicked out or rejected. I also plan on going back to school in January 2016. I plan on telling my cousin whose getting married but idk how she would feel about it. I don't want to show up in a suit because I feel like I would be disrespecting my self for other people's feeling. When I've done that all my life and would cause MAJOR dysphoria. The only other option is not going to the wedding a giving her a letter telling her that im trans and why I can't go because this is her special day and I don't want to take anything away from that. Which would lead to my grandma finding out and being upset.. What should I do? 

[sam1234]

Most of the time I would say that your time to come out is up to you, but this is different. Even though you may feel that you are being untrue to yourself, if you show up in a gender that no one else knows about, all the attention is on you. Brides in particular have that one day to be the center of everyone's attention, and worry about things going well on the day. This is her day, one she will remember forever and hopefully cherish.

If you try to come out at her wedding, at best most of the attention will be taken away from her. At worst, it could cause an ugly scene. I understand why you want to come out when everyone is together and get it over with, but in this case, let the bride have her day and memories that she can look back on fondly.

sam1234

[Cindy]

I agree with Sam.

I suggest wearing androgynous clothes such as a 'masculine' pant suit.

The Brides' day is very important to her. She will be excited and emotional so be very cautious about distracting attention from her.