family does not understand

[Brody Hayden Brown 74]

so okay, I am ftm. my fiancé is mtf. shes finally getting closer to her SRS and im starting T in july...thing is, my family thinks im "moving too fast" ie. changing my name...getting T and that I need to talk to someone about my "problem" first.  now as we all know, its not a problem, its life, is my life for that matter and they don't want to accept it, even when they say they do because they just cant get it.  so im lost here, I know in my heart who and what I am and that will never change and to be honest part of me doesn't care what they think but because its family theres a little part of me that's angry, especially in todays society, that they cant comprehend the fact that its not a goddam choice.  so I figure ill just go along with my wifey, who by the way is still questioned about her , HER decions and her life after many years...so I guess until I get T for a while and they can SEE the changes, maybe their thoughts will change?  an suggestions>

[Laura_7]

You might have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180045.msg1658077.html#msg1658077

I personally also like the twin explanation... people will be like their male/female twin... with still the same sense of humour etc...

Some people explain their feelings in a letter and talk about it later...
well a talk instead has the advantage of being more flexible...


and you might look for support groups...

hugs

[Devlyn]

Big hug! I know everyone wants their family to understand, but sometimes it never happens. Sometimes after they see you happy and moving in a positive direction, they realize they were wrong. And sometimes, you just need to load your family onto an ice floe like the Eskimos do!    You have to figure out which family you have. We're always here to be your family, no ice floe required.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Felicity R]

I think it's different with each person. I don't have a whole lot of insight to give in terms of gaining acceptance over time (I only just outed myself as trans to one of my parents less than a week ago). I do know that when I was initially outed to my parents as gay more than a year and half ago, it took a long time for things to settle back to "normal." Even then, my family has never really accepted that part of me. We simply agreed to disagree, as it were.

I think gender and sexuality are issues that tend to be particularly difficult for others to understand. Some people don't need to understand. Them seeing you happy is enough for them, but for others denial can be their biggest coping mechanism (even in small amounts such as hoping you talking through you're "problem" will make it go away).

Either way, hang in there. Family is always a tough group to deal with because you often inherently want to be close to them. I hope that over time, them seeing how happy living your life as who you really are is enough for them understand.

[Jayne]

Sometimes a heartfelt letter can help, sometimes being shown medical papers can help, other times only time can help.
My mum went through the textbook 5 stages of grief for quite a long time, after 3yrs things are far from perfect between us but I know she'll always be there for me even if she never gets my name right. I can't push too much as she's elderly and unbelievably set in her ways.

Devlyn is right about the ice floes for some lost causes though

[rachel89]

I don't really feel I should give advice on dealing with family because I am not out yet, but hugs anyway, I feel sorry your family doesn't understand, and I hope they will eventually come around when reality is right in front of them with a beard, muscles, deep voice, and male mannerisms (ughh!, if only men could act a little more like women... ). As a possible strategy you could adopt all the male mannerism women find obnoxious and gross, only more so,  and constantly demonstrate them in public around family so they wouldn't want to refer to you as anything but male. On a second thought this might not go the way I hope it will, so take my advice with a grain of salt. In the meantime get your T, you deserve it.

[Brody Hayden Brown 74]

thanks for everybodys support, its nice to know ppl do understand and or are going thru the same ->-bleeped-<-. much love everyone.

[neut5]

I agree that it's your life to live. I understand that maybe one of the people you want acceptance from are people who are close to you, especially your family. But as family, they love you. They will worry if you if you will be truly happy with your decisions because they genuinely want you to be happy. Don't let their worry stop you though. Show them that you can be happy after hrt and then even if it takes a long time, they will come around to it.