This sucks...

[SpaceMutie]

I'm not even close to out at my school: no one even knows that I'm any different than anyone else, save for the fact that I wear a pair of pants instead of the school uniform skirt and my hair's shorter. I'm panicking about that right now, because I'm in a really bad situation socially at school. There's a guy I spend time with, and, literally out of the blue, I suddenly have feelings for him that I'm not used to. He's a really nice guy, and I can't afford for him to figure out anything about me.

'Cause he'll leave. I got ostracized in the beginning of last year because I accidentally let slip that I wanted to be a guy, and no one talked to me from that same friend group till this very day. I don't want to lose more people. It's a mess. All of the crushes I've ever had at that school always end up with someone being mad at me for liking them, or ridiculing me. I don't want it to happen again. I want to tell him I like him, and, if I get turned down, at least I should get turned down because he doesn't like me, not because I want to be a guy...

It sucks. I hate this so much. Liking people at this school is just awful, and I can't really be anywhere else because I'm at school all the time. I don't even know why I'm ranting, I'm just sad... I want to at least hold someone's hand before I leave high school.

[Ms Grace]

Hugs. It's definitely a hard place to be in. Reveal your real self and potentially lose the person, or don't say anything and keep your real self buried. Yep, it really does suck. 

[Laura_7]

You might have a look here for a few resources that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185096.msg1646042.html#msg1646042

You could think about a good gender therapist... not a gatekeeper but someone to help you find out what you need... if you feel they are not supportive you could look for another...
you might ask at plannedparenthood, a lgbt center or with a school counselor for counseling and a referral...

Inside is a hint to a brochure.
It states that being trans has biological connections, to do with development before birth which influences the sense of self.
So its not a light hearted decision, and there are many feeling this way. Its nobodys fault, neither theirs nor that of their upbringing.
And it explains some of the feelings transgender people have.

It might help with self acceptance.
And, well its up to you what you say, but you might explain your feelings eventually, and might even show the brochure.

You might think about just being yourself, natural, and getting closer to someone, and explaining eventually...
if they like you they might accept...

I'd say take your time, and keep at it... the right one will come eventually.

many hugs

[LordKAT]

High school is difficult for everyone. Transgender people have an even harder time. I know it feels like if you don't find someone now you never will, but that is not the truth. If possible, be a friend first, if he stills ends up caring about you, you will know a little more about him and perhaps how he views trans people.

[Aazhie]

Sadly I still thought I was a girl in High school, though I had very removed fantasies about being a guy.  High school IS hard for everyone.  I'm kind of a fan of being yourself and being alone rather than being false, but in any case where it might endager you, I advise stealth.  To be fair, just about everyone gets rejected in love for one reason or another, being trans shouldn't be any different than being short/taller/whatever people if the people you are having crushes on are caring, efducated people.  That being said- the guy you like, straight, bi or gay?  If he's very 100% straight you are going to want to be friends only.  Dating him pretending to be a gal is only going to hurt you, possibly both of you if you come out later and it's something he didn't know.  Even if he just feels guilty for not realizing it, you shouldn't put yourself and him through a facade  :C High school is lame for all kinds of reasons, sorry you can't fast forward through those parts!

[FTMax]

Just remember: school eventually ends and real life begins. Those that are meant to stick around and be in your life will do so.

[synesthetic]

((all the hugs))

I relate so much. :/ It feels awful. The motto that gets me through life, though, is "it's better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." I wish I had better advice but just... hang in there, alright man?

Just remember: school eventually ends and real life begins. Those that are meant to stick around and be in your life will do so.

^^ very true