Do you ever feel cheated? Be honest.

[Lukas-H]

I do feel cheated. I'm a biological woman, but when I hear my SO wax wistfully about the camraderie he had with his friends as a child, the "boys being boys" I feel cheated beyond belief. I almost always played by myself as a kid but there were times I wished I could have played with the boys without hearing them say "You're a girl, go play with your dolls" or something similar. Granted, I rarely got that, I knew I probably would have heard it. I did like dolls, but I liked playing all the "boys games" too.

I also feel cheated that I can't have fully-functioning male genitals when I want them. Sometimes I feel like they just ought to be there, that they would be a welcome part of me, that if I got them I'd wonder "where have they been all my life?". At the same time I sometimes feel perfectly happy with my female body, therefore I don't want to choose so it means I could never go through with any surgery. I've come to that conclusion and am ok with it.

I feel cheated because I did'nt ask to be a female yet I have all these societal expectations thrust on me of what I should do just because I was born this way; when I don't even want to do most of what I supposedly should be happy doing. Yet, I don't find myself wanting to relate right away with the male side of expectations either.

I've always been the middle road of most everything in life, and in a society where you HAVE to take sides, it's so frustrating I sometimes wonder if I should give in and take a side. I don't think the rebel in me is ready to give in though, we'll see.

[shanetastic]

Well, I'm still pretty much pre-transitioned and I must really say with the deepest feeling I feel cheated every single day of my life.  Just the constant reminders everywhere in life make it seem unbearable to keep seeing day after the day.  The average person taking everything they have for normal, and the unintentional and passive way of rubbing in your face without even knowing it.  I hate it sooo much and there's nothing you can do about it, so it seems. 

Sorry for the pessimistic attitude but you know, when everything you witness in a daily life just entraps you in this self hate it sort of brings that to a person.  To answer your question in the most simplistic terms, yes I feel cheated everyday for everything I have missed out on, and everything I will miss out on in life.  And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that in most situations.

[Nero]

Well, I'm still pretty much pre-transitioned and I must really say with the deepest feeling I feel cheated every single day of my life.  Just the constant reminders everywhere in life make it seem unbearable to keep seeing day after the day.  The average person taking everything they have for normal, and the unintentional and passive way of rubbing in your face without even knowing it.  I hate it sooo much and there's nothing you can do about it, so it seems. 

Sorry for the pessimistic attitude but you know, when everything you witness in a daily life just entraps you in this self hate it sort of brings that to a person.  To answer your question in the most simplistic terms, yes I feel cheated everyday for everything I have missed out on, and everything I will miss out on in life.  And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that in most situations.

Pessimists welcome. Optimists denied entrance.

[Tay]

I feel cheated a lot.

I feel cheated when I think about the fact that, in all likelihood, this body, as it is now, is mine until I die.  I feel cheated when I think about the fact that the only therapist I've ever heard of who helps people like me is across a whole ocean.  I feel cheated when I see all the transsexuals getting on with what they need and know that, in all likelihood, that will never happen for me. 

I feel cheated when I hear people say "Well, that's not feminine... you must be very masculine, then" and completely ignore the idiocy of applying a binary to an organic species.

I feel cheated when my mother said "Your sister will go to your cousin if anything ever happens to Daddy and I" and made an excuse that it was so I could pursue the career that I want, when instead I know it's because mum doesn't think that someone as "freaky" as me could be a good parent.

I feel cheated every day.

But some days, I wake up and look over across my bed and my fiancée is lying there, asleep, and I know, without a doubt, that these things that make me feel so cheated helped to shape the person I am today.  Without these things that cheated me, would I have her or Err?  Who would I be? 

So perhaps being cheated, even in spite of the pain it causes me, actually has a silver lining?  Because I love Sophie and Err so very much.

[tinkerbell]

Tay, may I ask a question?  you identify yourself as an androgyne, am I correct?  How would you like your body to be?


tink

[Tay]

Tay, may I ask a question?  you identify yourself as an androgyne, am I correct?  How would you like your body to be?


tink

Hysterectomy to stop the useless bleeding every month, top surgery like ftms get, possible laser to remove body hair.  I don't need much, but there are issues getting any of that done.  Namely, I will not lie and I'm pretty sure top surgery needs the appropriate letters.  And there are strict rules regarding elective hysterectomies.

[SarahFaceDoom]

Sometimes it's annoying to be behind other girls your age in terms of maturity and experience.  It would have been awesome to be born the gender I see myself as.  But whatever.  It didn't happen.  I probably have a wider perspective because of it, and I'm probably nicer too.  I think if I didn't have to deal with gender dysphoria growing up, I probably would have been a lot less conscious of others, and in turn a lot meaner.  And eventually a lot less interesting.  So you kind of have to take the good with the bad, and say whatever will be will be.  I'm living my life now.  I'm still young.  It's plenty of fun.

[tinkerbell]

Tay, may I ask a question?  you identify yourself as an androgyne, am I correct?  How would you like your body to be?


tink

Hysterectomy to stop the useless bleeding every month, top surgery like ftms get, possible laser to remove body hair.  I don't need much, but there are issues getting any of that done.  Namely, I will not lie and I'm pretty sure top surgery needs the appropriate letters.  And there are strict rules regarding elective hysterectomies.

Thanks very much Tay, and sorry if I came across as "nosy"

tink

[Tay]

Tay, may I ask a question?  you identify yourself as an androgyne, am I correct?  How would you like your body to be?


tink

Hysterectomy to stop the useless bleeding every month, top surgery like ftms get, possible laser to remove body hair.  I don't need much, but there are issues getting any of that done.  Namely, I will not lie and I'm pretty sure top surgery needs the appropriate letters.  And there are strict rules regarding elective hysterectomies.

Thanks very much Tay, and sorry if I came across as "nosy"

tink

It's a valid question, Tink, and one I really don't mind answering.  It's hard for a lot of people to put themselves in my place because it is simply beyond a lot of people's sphere of experience, I think.  I've considered genital nullification, but I enjoy sex too much.  I kinda like having the bits for sex, y'know?

I pretty much just desire to eliminate all secondary sex characteristics.  So no one can tell which I am, easily.

[Nero]

Tay, may I ask a question?  you identify yourself as an androgyne, am I correct?  How would you like your body to be?


tink

Hysterectomy to stop the useless bleeding every month, top surgery like ftms get, possible laser to remove body hair.  I don't need much, but there are issues getting any of that done.  Namely, I will not lie and I'm pretty sure top surgery needs the appropriate letters.  And there are strict rules regarding elective hysterectomies.

Yeah doctors don't want to perform hysterectomies unless medically necessary for gynecological problems, let alone someone young, and someone who's never had kids will be waiting till hell freezes over.
Guess it's that 'Above all, do no harm' ethics thing. Hopefully someday, the medical community will realize how demoralizing and degrading it is to be stuck with sex organs you should never have had in the first place.

[Tay]

Tay, may I ask a question?  you identify yourself as an androgyne, am I correct?  How would you like your body to be?


tink

Hysterectomy to stop the useless bleeding every month, top surgery like ftms get, possible laser to remove body hair.  I don't need much, but there are issues getting any of that done.  Namely, I will not lie and I'm pretty sure top surgery needs the appropriate letters.  And there are strict rules regarding elective hysterectomies.

Yeah doctors don't want to perform hysterectomies unless medically necessary for gynecological problems, let alone someone young, and someone who's never had kids will be waiting till hell freezes over.
Guess it's that 'Above all, do no harm' ethics thing. Hopefully someday, the medical community will realize how demoralizing and degrading it is to be stuck with sex organs you should never have had in the first place.

I will never carry a foetus to term, so I will be waiting, barring a realisation from the medical community.  It's all about the lawsuits, as far as I can tell.  Apparently, a uterus is something that everyone who has one is gonna want one day, no matter what that person says.  I don't even want a radical hysterectomy.  I want a "partial" where they leave the cervix and ovaries intact, minimising the likelihood I'll need to go on hormones to keep my bone density normal. 

The one that gets me the most about reproductive health?  The rules for a tubal ligation are nearly as stringent as the rules for elective hysterectomy.  Yet a male bodied person can walk in and say "I want a vasectomy" and it's instantly done.  Why?

[Nero]

Probably because the womb is seen as sacred and holy, like the Nile, it gives life.
Also, a female bodied person not wanting kids is still seen as somewhat odd.

It just REALLY sucks to have one when you're not a girl. it's not like you can ever get away from it, it will make it's presence known.  It'd suck even worse not to have the option of having it removed.
I'm sorry for you, Tay. 

[Tay]

It's life, Nero.  I need to learn to deal with it.

[Jeannette]

Sometimes.  I wish I'd been born a gal.  Yet I can't ask for more.  I'm still
pre-op but have obtained the goals I have planned for myself.   I have a very successful job, a fiance, my own flat, friends and family.  My only goal now is GRS and that will happen as soon as I organize my work schedule.   

[Luc]

Question: what exactly are goals that are gender-specific? Apart from motherhood, what can you not do as either a man or woman (or neither)? I know I can realize all my dreams no matter how I present myself.

Dino

[Nero]

Question: what exactly are goals that are gender-specific? Apart from motherhood, what can you not do as either a man or woman (or neither)? I know I can realize all my dreams no matter how I present myself.

Dino

Then you're lucky your dreams are compatible with that.

[Melissa]

Pessimists welcome. Optimists denied entrance.

Hmm, for some strange reason I thought you wanted us to be honest.  I wonder where I ever got that idea from.

After i wrote my last post, I realized there are some things from which I feel cheated, such as parents who love and accept me as their daughter.  I may never have that.

[cindianna_jones]

Hey, face it.  We were cheated.  No bones about it.

The big question now is... what do we do about it?

Cindi

[buttercup]

Yes I feel cheated to the point I have been suicidal, I hope I can get past that point one day. (sorry, I feel abit of a victim today) 

[greg-unknown]

i feel totally cheated. how am i supposed to live my life to the fullest if i cant be who i really am?
ill never have a normal teenage boys life and it sucks