Talking is not my strong point.

[wherearemyshoes]

So I've had two sessions with my gender therapist now, and I've spent about two months identifying as male.

And I don't know what to say to her other than "I like being male more than female," and  "Being female makes me uncomfortable,"

She keeps asking me whys and hows, and when I try to clumsily answer here she always shoots down my reasoning. Yeah, it's ->-bleeped-<-ty reasoning because I'm so flustered , but It's still reasoning.

Her biggest issue she brings up is gender rolls, and how women can hold themselves like men and 'be the man' in the relationship and do guyish things. And I'm fine with that, but I don't want to be a woman who does guyish things, I wanna be a dude.

Advice?

[Laura_7]

Well you might think about your feelings and talk about it... it might take a bit of practice...

concerning roles, one question could be do you need a more male body to be more happy.

what she hints at are gender roles, where there might be a mix...

and according to another gender therapist, many people do not even strongly identify as man, they are somewhere between agender and man... but they feel they need a more male body.

she might also hint at how you would like to be perceived...

and if talking is not your strongest point, it might be writing...
you might think about writing some of your thoughts down...

[sam1234]

I had a similar experience before I found the right therapist. I went to a woman recommended by a friend, and told her I thought I was a male. I told her I thought I would feel more comfortable and would be able to accomplish more as a male. She got stuck on that and kept asking me why I thought men could do more than women. That wasn't what I was trying to say. The point was that I didn't feel like i could be myself in a girl's body, thus could not do as much. She kept trying to convince me I was a lesbian.

Sometimes its just in the wording. Let her know that you have nothing against women, you just aren't one. If she persists, you might want to try someone else.

sam1234

[Cindy]

To be honest I think your therapist is missing the point. I'm AMAB I produced sperm. My body was male. My brain was female. I'm attracted to men, I could never ever accept myself as being Gay. No matter my acceptance for those who are. I'm a woman.

In your case you were AFAB, it doesn't matter that your body is female, it doesn't matter if you have given birth to children. It ir irrelevant. That is a function of the body that you are in and how you have tried to cope. A woman who accepts her female gender will have a difficulty understanding a trans man, just as a man has difficulty understanding a transgender woman.

You need to empathise that your sexuality has nothing to do with your gender. You may find that giving your therapist a copy of SOC7 from wpath www.wpath.org and reading it yourself may help.

I suspect your therapist may not be a specialist in gender issues, and meeting a TG man is confronting for her.

[carsandsarcasm]

You need to write this stuff down. I've been making a habit of asking myself questions I expect from therapy so I can sit down, really think about it, and turn feelings and brain vomit into coherent sentences on paper. Writing it down will not only make me more eloquent in therapy, but it lets me scrutinise myself. Dong this has made me understand what I'm thinking so much better.

[wherearemyshoes]

Tomorrow I'm gonna go out and buy a journal to write down all my feelings about gender when they come up.

Thanks for all the advice, I'll keep what you said in mind and be more assertive next time.

[JoanneB]

My first thoughts are how much of a for real gender therapist is she?

Yes, challenging you I think is very good. It makes you think about what all this means. What the reality of confronting one way vs another means. I have always seen the role of a therapist as someone, hopefully disinterested, whom you can spill your guts to, sort out these confused feelings, and challenge your thoughts on "I KNOW the answer" to my my problem(s).

Does she know? Does she get "it"? Is she trying to act in my best interest?

Hard to say. Only you know the uncomfortable truth (maybe). Opening up your heart and soul. Exposing your vulnerable underbelly is a scary thing to do.